A Jaded Life Chapter 188

After I returned from the real world, I sat down with Lenore to plan. Both of us were a little giddy to be able to play with new magic, rging the new-ness into what we had done before. Deep down, I think Lenore was so adamant when it ca to punishing, or really, attacking, the village because her near-death experience had scared her. From what I could tell, she had always been the watcher, looking onto the world from safety, at first the safety of the skies, there were few predators going after flying ravens after all, and later the safety of her Hallow.

Almost dying had rattled her.

Examining my own motives, I was not much better; part of wanted to show that I was still strong, still in control, even after the - maybe excessive - vigilance I had towards the magician who had created the infernal bear, and especially after feasting on the blood of a few stupid bandits. Granted, massacring a village in what amounted to a magical experint might be over the top - but maybe not. Mundus was a world where the strong could act as they wanted and what I did would make stronger. But still, there was a part of that was a little hesitant to wipe out a village, for the actions of a few inhabitants.

The sit-down with Lenore was a little strange, as I once again let myself be drawn into her Hallow, being only peripherally aware of my body, as if I was looking through a long straw, with just a very limited perspective and perception.

Lenore’s Hallow had changed quite a bit since my last visit, where before, there had been a dark, sort-of nothingness, now, there was… sothing. It was eerie and very hard to describe, with not being in my actual body, instead as sothing else, experiencing things that I couldn’t quite relate to physical sensations but such comparisons and taphors are the only way to describe it.

It felt as if there was a wind blowing but I couldn’t feel movent or hear the wind, it was just the feeling. But, while I had that feeling of movent, there was also a vague feeling of stillness, as if the air itself was muffling the world. When I took a breath, there was a strange taste in the air, not quite the fetid decay I knew from miasma but sothing similar, it reminded of the Barrow Den, of ancient graves and death. What struck as odd was that, all in all, the previous, almost oppressive darkness had receded a little, into a more murky, swirling dark-greyness.

When I oriented myself, Lenore was sitting in front of , on a white stand that looked almost as if it was carved from bone.

“I like what you did with the place.” I told her, slightly in jest.

“Why, thank you. You had a part in that, you know?” she answered and I could hear her amusent.

“Oh? What did I do?” I asked, curious.

“Isn’t it obvious? When I was struck and, to be honest, dying, you literally drank the life-blood of several sapients in an effort to gather enough power and vitality to heal . That power was… flavoured, you might say - maybe call it ‘tainted’, I’m not sure. Anyway, when it passed through you, it took on a small part of what makes you into who you are. That’s why it’s a little cold in here, but I doubt that you would feel that - it’s part of who you are, after all. And now part of who I am.” Lenore started to explain, hopping off her stand, over to my shoulder.

“And not only that, you forcibly used the vitality of another, as it was decaying into miasma, feeding it to . Miasma is not quite death but also not life, it’s decay, sothing that’s anathema to life and death.”

“You an, like undeath? Honestly, I’m not quite sure what I did nevermind how I did it. I just felt your pain and wanted to help you. Normally, I would have used my own Astral Power, I might even have rembered to filter out the ice-elent, but without Astral Power, without any power, really, I just used what I had at hand. I tried to take their Astral Power normally, with my blood magic, but even for that, I need so Power on my own to start the process - unless, it seems, I have their blood in my mouth. It’s curious, but it might just be one of those things about magic that just are.” I explained, looking around for so sort of chair, sothing to get a little more comfortable.

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

“Oh, I know that. And I’m grateful, believe . Feeling myself fading was the most disturbing experience I ever had, I’d rather avoid a repeat of that. And, if you are looking for a chair, look behind you. I got a little better at controlling my Hallow, after crossing the Divide.”

I turned and there was a comfortable looking chair, made entirely out of the sa material the stand Lenore had sat on previously, just waiting for . Not questioning what had happened, given that I was standing on grey, slightly swirling, clouds, a chair appearing from nowhere was not too outlandish.

“But it changed , not for the better or worse, just different.” Lenore continued as I sat.

“So, different. And you want to try out your powers on so villagers, did I get that right?”

“You sound disapproving?”

“Honestly, I’m ambivalent on that one. When I try to examine my feelings, I just get confused. Let lay it out to you, maybe you have an idea.” I started to explain, rubbing my head a little.

“Part of thinks that the villagers themselves haven't done anything to us, that we are punishing a group for the deeds of a few individuals. On the other hand, that never stopped before, one of the first things I did after coming here was wipe out a group of snowbolds, thinking them re vermin, until we t that one snowbold that tried to integrate into Yaksha. Hell, I’m not even sure what snowbolds are, if they are so strange, local occurrence, spurred into existence by the artifact in that cave or if there are other burrows out there. Doesn’t matter. Thing is, I devised a plan to killed them and did it. And I was laughing happily when my plan ca together, proud of my creative use of magic to overco a group that was not only more powerful than as a group but even had individual mbers that would easily have killed . The only thing those snowbolds did to was annoy , sothing that likely stemd from the fact that I intruded into their territory.” I explained before pausing for a second.

“I never felt guilty about it. But now, we are about to do essentially the sa, just with more of a reason; the bandits ca from here after all. And if the people down in the village knew what happened to their youths, I have no doubt that they wouldn’t just wave it away, saying that we were right, that they had been bandits. Not if it involves their family, sothing almost inevitable in such a small village.”

“So, what is the problem? I don’t quite understand?” Lenore asked, before continuing, “Is it that they look relatively similar to you? That they are humanoid, live in houses and form social groups within their own species? Do you consider them more, I don’t know, worthy or respectable because of they walk on two legs and have opposable thumbs?” her questions were getting a little scathing and I had to examine my feelings once more.

When I did, I realised that before, I had simply looked at those I fought as “others”, strange as it was. On one level, I knew that all beings on Mundus were part of Road to Purgatory - existences generated by highly sophisticated AIs - but I had pushed that knowledge into the background, because of Sigmir. Unless I deliberately thought about it, I simply ignored the fact, a cognitive dissonance that I recognised but simply accepted. With my feelings as they were, I simply saw Sigmir as Sigmir, without considering any bigger implications.

But on another level, I had simply taken those we fought as enemies, at first as simple animals and mindless creatures, when it ca to the snowbolds, but when I looked at the facts, it was another delusion. I was talking to a raven after all, who had beco one of my closest friends. That made it obvious that not all animals were the simple creatures I had put them down as and the eting with the Snowbold in Yaksha had shown that it was true for them as well.

So, why was I just now feeling conflicted when it ca to the village - was it really that different from Tegi, a town I had accidentally wiped out? Or the actions taken against the dryads, after they had fled, hunting them down to kill Tegi herself?

Finally, I decided to simply go along with Lenore - she had done so with , even when unsure of my actions, so following her lead wouldn’t be a problem. Or, it shouldn't be.

“Let’s talk magic.” I told her, with a grin. That would distract from my whirling thoughts.