‘When was it?..’
One day, Ardiana suddenly found herself thinking about that.
What was it that she wanted?
Back then, it was Adeline who had led her to those thoughts.
Now Lady Caldenbein Ridge, but once a girl who had served as her maid in the imperial palace.
On the day Adeline left the imperial palace, she tightly held Ardiana’s hand and said:
“One day, the princess will have a place like that too. A place where you can stay in peace. Not this cold palace, but sowhere that feels like a real ho.”
Watching the carriage disappear into the distance, Ardiana could not speak for a long ti.
Only then did she realize that all this ti, she had longed for a place where she could remain.
But the answer she ultimately arrived at was painful.
‘That kind of happiness will never co to .’
Perhaps when she was a child, she had dread too.
Of living in a ho where her mother was alive, soone she could lean on, where there was no father who abandoned his own children and no brother who wished for his younger sister’s death.
But it was an impossible wish.
That was why she always had to hold her breath.
Ardiana grew up first learning resignation, and then learning how to survive.
She believed the only way to breathe was to hide her existence and remain obedient at all tis.
But sotis, when everything beca too unbearable, she wanted to abandon it all.
It felt as though if she simply stopped this endless desperate struggle, she could sink sowhere deep and quiet.
‘But I couldn’t even do that.’
The world was passing through dark tis.
Magic Crystals rose from the ground, magical creatures attacked people — an age of chaos.
Outside the capital, dozens, hundreds of people died every day.
So would say:
There was no need to take it so personally.
The lives of the Empire’s citizens outside the barrier were not as valuable as the lives of nobles.
But to her, there was no aning in dividing lives into those worth more and those worth less.
If that were true, then what about herself?
Ardiana had been born an imperial princess, yet she lived every day surrounded by poison.
Even while alive, she had been forced to remain silent like soone already dead.
People said the higher one’s status, the more precious one’s life.
But not once had she ever lived as soone precious.
In the end, there was only one answer.
‘... and those people outside the barrier.’
To Ardiana, there was no difference between them.
All of them were destined for deaths no one would mourn.
There would be no one to cry for them or rember them.
That was why, after living her entire life in fear and silence, she proposed the creation of the Association to the Emperor.
To save even one more person.
So rcenaries and paladins could cooperate and protect at least soone else.
Without knowing when her own death would co, she did everything she could.
And the harder she tried, the more she believed love was a luxury she was not allowed to have.
From the very beginning, she had never even expected her heart would one day reach toward soone.
Until she t Tesetan.
“Madam Chairwoman...?”
The flow of thoughts abruptly broke apart.
Looking at Tie, who was calling for her, Ardiana clenched her fist tightly.
The events beneath the clock tower of the ancient palace resurfaced in her mind once more.
The mont the heart of the Magic Crystal was destroyed and the golden light that erged from within pierced directly into Astie’s chest.
All of her wounds had been healed by that light.
And from that mont onward, mories that had never existed before began surfacing inside her mind.
“Your Highness... perhaps it won’t be as terrible as you think. What if you tell them you want to leave the palace with the child? What if you say you’ll leave the continent and never return?”
The tears running down Kadia’s cheeks soaked the cloth wrapped around Tie.
“She’s Your Highness’s daughter, but she’s also His Majesty the Emperor’s granddaughter. Surely he wouldn’t be that cruel? The child has done nothing wrong... surely he wouldn’t try to harm even her?..”
But Ardiana knew the Emperor.
And she /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ knew Fides, obsessed with destroying her.
‘No. They’ll beco even crueler.’
“That can’t be true. She’s still so little...”
‘My being alive already stands in their way. And if she’s my child... they’ll want to get rid of her even more.’
She did not want Tie to live the way she had.
She did not want to pass on to her child a life that began with her mother’s death and turned into endless survival.
But there was no way out.
She was a being that drew every misfortune around her.
A noose that would one day strangle her own child.
“It’s alright, little one. You have your Papa... your Papa is a good person...”
Even after giving birth, without properly recovering, Ardiana held the child in her arms and whispered those words over and over.
“You’ll be safe beside him. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...”
After handing Astie over to Tesetan and returning alone, she collapsed onto the damp forest ground soaked with night dew and cried soundlessly for a long ti.
Again and again, she swallowed back her sobs, afraid that her crying might delay the two of them.
She had only one wish.
Even if they never saw each other again. Even if they never t again — she only wanted Astie to live.
At least let her remain sowhere warr and safer than the place where Ardiana herself had lived.
But in the end, Ardiana drew yet another disaster toward herself.
The mother of an innocent child had been her.
And so the child suffered as well.
“What a pity, Ardiana. I heard Tregava, the group you used so conveniently all this ti, was completely annihilated on the plains of Elderin.”
“......What... did you say?”
“It seems you really know nothing after locking yourself inside the palace for months. A scout delivered the report just before the banquet. Apparently they never even found the body of the youngest young master of House Luminel. Ah, right. Weren’t you acquainted with him?”
“.......”
“What a waste of him too. Why did he leave that comfortable warm nest with his own two feet? If he had remained with House Luminel, he’d already be holding a respectable position by now... What are you—!”
Ardiana suddenly vomited directly onto the banquet table.
She could not rember what expressions the Empress, the Emperor, and Fides had worn as they looked at her.
Grabbing the edge of the table, she froze like soone who had lost her voice.
No words, no breath, no tears — only silence.
And then, the very next mont, a scream burst from her throat that she could no longer hold back.
In a world gone white, she cried like a beast.
She scread as though the world itself had collapsed.
The Emperor, Fides — all of them could only stare at her in speechless silence.
After that, the mories broke apart into disconnected fragnts, like those of a drunken person.
Herself lying face down in her bedroom, without a trace of color in her face.
Kadia crying and begging.
als left untouched, continuing to pile up.
And then one night, the window of her bedroom quietly opened.
The appearance of assassins had long ceased to be anything unusual.
As always, Ardiana could have silently and swiftly dealt with the rcenary.
The weapon Kadia always left nearby for situations like this was within easy reach.
“.......”
But she did nothing.
As death approached from the shadows, she never reached for the sword.
She smiled.
“At last.”
Death had pursued her so persistently her entire life.
So why had it arrived so late, only when she herself wanted everything to end?
The last thing reflected in her eyes was the white moon embroidered across the night sky.
The sa moon that had shone on the night she handed her child over to Tesetan.
“I’ll co back soon.”
Her voice broke.
Perhaps because Ardiana, who always spoke formally and with restraint, had suddenly spoken so simply, Astie’s green eyes widened.
Ardiana gently stroked the child’s head.
Tie’s eyes were so clear that she could plainly see herself reflected there, desperately holding back tears.
“When I return, we’ll talk.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, she straightened herself.
Then, turning around, she saw Fides in the distance leaving the banquet hall.
Beneath the folds of her clothing, her fist clenched so tightly it looked ready to bleed.
‘This ti will be different.’
Once, she had believed the only way to protect soone was to leave.
But in the end, that had only beco another opportunity for the enemy.
‘This ti, I’ll strike first.’
Soone who had once stood at the very bottom of hell could overturn the entire board.
Ardiana had already been there.
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