The mont death was declared, all strength drained from my body.
For a mont, I couldn’t believe it—it just left dazed.
‘Was I wrong?’
The treatnt I had recomnded for Dylan was a PD/PD-1 inhibitor.
The PD/PD-1 pathway acts like a "brake" in our immune system.
Like the control chanism of a car, it's a checkpoint that suppresses excessive immune responses.
I found an abnormality in this pathway in Dylan’s test results and administered a PD-1/PD-L1 inhibitor.
Even in retrospect, it was a reasonable choice.
‘And it did work.’
At first, his condition improved.
But that improvent was only temporary, and the illness accelerated again.
In the end, PD-1 wasn’t the core issue.
‘Was it just a supplentary thod?’
Perhaps a combination of various treatnts—a complex therapy—was necessary.
If so, this attempt might have uncovered part of that combination, so it wasn’t without value.
So it wasn’t a wrong choice.
I had simply lacked sufficient understanding of the disease.
It was sothing inevitable………………
‘I didn’t expect to succeed with the very first patient anyway……………..?’
Still, maybe because I wasn’t used to failure, it all felt strangely unreal.
And then,
“Sean!”
When I ca to my senses, Dylan’s mother was clutching my sleeve with a tear-streaked face.
“Why… why did you give him such a dangerous option…?”
Her trembling shoulders were gently embraced by her husband.
“…Don’t take it to heart, Sean. You too, stop this. You know it was Dylan’s own choice, right?”
“But… but when you show them that kind of hope… what else would Dylan have chosen?”
I understood what she ant.
The options presented by David and the attending physician were vague.
Waiting—just buying ti.
In contrast, the path I presented was clear.
Recovery or death.
It had the appeal of imdiate results, and if things went well, complete recovery was possible.
That might have made it all the more attractive.
“No. This was… Dylan’s choice.”
Rachel’s voice rang out firmly.
“You all know, don’t you? That Dylan… was always the most daring one.”
Could such words comfort parents who had just lost their child?
Still, Dylan’s mother collapsed into Rachel’s arms and began to sob.
Rachel had frequently visited the hospital.
There seed to be a deep bond between Dylan’s family and Rachel, one I wasn’t aware of.
‘Unlike soone like , who just runs in during ergencies and makes decisions…………..’
While Rachel and David comforted the family, Jesse signaled to with a glance.
It was a sign that it would be better to step back for now.
I nodded and left the hospital room.
As I walked down the empty hallway, soone called out from behind.
“Sean?”
I couldn’t rember his na exactly, but he was Dylan’s cousin.
Since it wasn’t a direct family mber but a cousin who had been by Dylan’s side, he stood out in my mory.
‘Wait, isn’t it normal for cousins to co at tis like these?’
I didn’t know.
I never had a family, after all.
Anyway, the cousin spoke with a troubled expression.
“Aunt’s… just emotionally overwheld. If it weren’t for you, Dylan wouldn’t have received any proper treatnt.”
That was true.
Dylan’s family didn’t have insurance.
Legally, hospitals can’t discriminate against uninsured patients, but in reality, they don’t offer all treatnt options to such cases.
“Aunt always said she was grateful to you. We’re just not in a position to afford treatnt for such a rare disease……”
Dylan’s treatnt cost around six million dollars.
Money his family could never earn in a lifeti.
“But… even so…………… we keep thinking—what if we had chosen sothing else? Maybe he could have lived………….”
“It’s okay. That’s how it usually goes.”
Even as a dical student, I had seen such reactions from patients’ families countless tis.
No matter what treatnt is given, if the outco is bad, they inevitably bla the doctors.
Because they hope that a different treatnt might have led to a different result.
To speak frankly, even if they had chosen another option, the outco would have been the sa.
David and the attending doctor’s choices only delayed the ti until death.
They weren’t fundantally curative.
‘He would have simply waited until the end ca.’
But I couldn’t say that out loud.
So there was only one thing I could say.
“I understand.”
Leaving only those words behind, I walked away.
#
Back at the Four Seasons Hotel, I collapsed onto the bed.
After days of surviving on catnaps, sleep was the first thing I needed.
But strangely, I couldn’t fall asleep.
My entire body was soaked in fatigue, yet my mind remained cold and alert.
After tossing and turning for hours, I finally gave up and sat up.
‘Would drinking help feel better?’
With that faint hope, I headed for the hotel bar.
“Ha Si-heon?”
“Orca!”
As soone called my na, every gaze in the bar turned to all at once.
I usually didn’t dislike this kind of attention, but for so reason, it irritated deeply in that mont.
I turned around and returned to my room.
Luckily, the penthouse suite bar was stocked with all kinds of liquor.
I pulled out a bottle of whiskey and poured it into a glass.
One glass. Two glasses.
As the alcohol slid down my throat, my body relaxed, but my mind grew more tangled.
A single question kept circling in my head.
‘What if it were ?’
If I had been in Dylan’s place, would I have made the sa choice?
The answer was clear.
‘I would have. Exactly the sa.’
I hadn’t recomnded that treatnt to Dylan just for data’s sake.
Even if I had been lying in that hospital bed, I would have chosen the sa option.
Because it was the rational choice.
But.
That thought didn’t bring comfort—on the contrary, it only made feel worse.
After all, it wasn’t who paid the price for that choice—it was Dylan.
Dylan had no connection to .
All I knew about him was his dical records.
I knew nothing of his life or his personality.
‘No… that’s not true anymore.’
He was a person brave enough to pull the trigger even in his final mont.
Rembering that fact made a sticky disgust spread through my entire body.
I expected it to so extent.
There was bound to be a certain discomfort in using another person's life.
But facing it in reality—it felt far more unpleasant and dirty than I had imagined.
‘I hate being indebted to others…’
And now, I was in a situation where I had incurred a debt I could never repay.
If I had tried it myself, at least I could have felt at ease.
However, that was realistically impossible.
Since I hadn’t yet developed the disease, I couldn’t be a candidate for the treatnt.
What aning would there be in testing chemotherapy before getting cancer?
‘Still, I can’t stop the Russian roulette now.’
Rationally speaking, I made the best possible choice.
As a result, I gained valuable data, and this would benefit all Castleman’s patients—including myself.
If I break it down, I did nothing wrong.
In fact, my actions were even beneficial to the world……………….
But.
No matter the justification, the sticky disgust would not fade.
So, trying to wash it away by force, I gulped down several more glasses of whiskey.
And then, an unexpected visitor arrived.
“I was worried…”
It was Rachel.
Apparently, Dylan’s death from the option I’d presented had weighed heavily on her mind.
“What Dylan’s mother said at the hospital… it wasn’t heartfelt. As we’ve confird several tis, the one who made the decision was Dylan himself.”
She tried hard to comfort , but I gave a bitter smile and shook my head.
“What she ant was, I guided Dylan into making that choice, didn’t I? That I—”
“No.”
Rachel’s response was firm.
“Your proposal wasn’t appealing at all. In fact, it was so risky that any normal person would have avoided it at all costs. It’s because Dylan was soone who never shied away from a challenge that he chose it. That’s why we say it was entirely Dylan’s decision.”
Well, it made sense.
But just thinking that didn’t make feel any better.
“I may lack dical knowledge, but I know Dylan better than you or David. If Dylan had been swayed by your words into making a decision that wasn’t true to himself… I would’ve done everything I could to stop it. That’s my role.”
‘A choice that wasn’t like him…?’
I wondered how she could know that, but then I recalled how she had constantly visited the hospital.
Maybe she was doing all that to better understand the patients' personalities.
The alcohol was starting to kick in.
Lost in these thoughts with a hazy mind, Rachel spoke again with a determined look.
“If Sean ever crosses the line… I’ll do my best to stop you. So you and David—just keep moving forward with everything you’ve got. I’ll be the brake.”
“The brake?”
“It can get confusing if the sa person is responsible for both acceleration and braking. So… I’ll take responsibility for the braking. That’s my role.”
I was montarily speechless as I stared at Rachel.
Even after staying up all night at the hospital, she still radiated light.
Her green eyes still sparkled through the fatigue.
A steady gaze.
She’s a naïve woman.
That must be all it is, and yet…
Strangely, I could feel sothing unshakable and solid within her.
As I kept staring, I suddenly felt thirsty again and took another sip of whiskey.
“So, don’t feel responsible. I’ll take on that responsibility.”
Responsibility, huh…
Was this feeling I had really responsibility?
“Still, isn’t it a bit heartless to just move on like nothing happened?”
Maybe this is what they call conscience.
I hadn’t done anything wrong per se, but I still felt like it would be wrong to just brush it off.
At that, Rachel smiled gently.
“It’s not like nothing happened. You just have to carry it in your heart. If you do that, then that’s enough.”
‘Carry it in my heart, huh.’
Well, that’s not so bad.
#
The next day.
I made a rather unusual request to the concierge.
“Huh? A tattoo shop?”
I was never into tattoos, but I decided to have a line inked on my wrist.
I thought about including Alia’s na too, but since I couldn’t recall the exact ti of her death, I postponed it.
Anyway…
Seeing the letters etched into my skin like a brand made my heart feel a bit lighter.
Of course, this one line won’t bring back the dead.
It’s just a small way to soothe my conscience that says, “You’re acting like nothing happened.”
Still, it worked.
My mind gradually cleared.
The things I needed to do started coming into focus.
‘This isn’t the ti to be moping.’
I imdiately went to see David.
“Sean, about Dylan…”
He cautiously brought it up, concerned about how I was doing.
But I cut him off firmly.
“I’m fine. Let’s deal with the more important matters first.”
“Deal with…?”
“I’ll cover the cost of Dylan’s funeral.”
“What? Sean, you don’t have to—”
“You know it’s not a significant burden for .”
David couldn’t argue with that.
He, too, knew the family wasn’t in a good financial position.
Most likely, Dylan’s family would have to go with the most basic cremation service—but that’s not the kind of farewell I would recomnd.
I know, because I’ve experienced it myself.
“Please send Dylan’s data as soon as it’s compiled. And… how is the acquisition of EHS going?”
EHS is a company that manages patient data from multiple hospitals.
I had previously instructed David to have RP Solutions acquire the company and even provided additional funding.
“Huh? The acquisition…”
David paused, a flustered expression crossing his face.
As if wondering whether it was appropriate to talk business at a ti like this.
But.
“This is truly important.”
As soone emotionally driven like David, he mustn’t let the aftermath of this event shake him and neglect his work.
I needed to make the weight of the present task clear to keep him steady.
“If we succeed in this acquisition… we might be able to prevent tragedies like this in the future.”
“Prevent them…?”
Yes. This wasn’t the ti to dwell on failure.
I had to focus on what needed to be done for tomorrow.
“My goal is to create a platform that uses AI and patient data to simulate clinical trial outcos before they even begin.”
“Simulation…?”
“What if, next ti we’re faced with such a decision, we could know the result before pulling the trigger? If that kind of technology existed, wouldn’t we be able to reduce the number of victims of this Russian roulette?”
“Is sothing like that… really possible?”
Well, it wasn’t entirely a pipe dream.
Back when I died in 2023, research into predicting clinical outcos with AI was already well underway.
Of course, it was still in its early developnt phase back then…
‘What if I could accelerate that developnt by a few years?’
In short, what if I beca a founding mber of an AI-focused company, partnered with healthcare corporations, and advanced the research?
It might be impossible to apply it to every disease right away, but for Castleman’s at least, AI simulation might beco a reality.
‘If that happens, I won’t have to carry this uncomfortable debt anymore.’
That was the true reason I had to be part of Next AI’s founding team.
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