Because, ’Eternal Ian’ and other non-eternal entities can never coexist as equals, like a player of a ga who can never regard ga characters as real as the people in reality... even if he loves, hates, admires, or detests them, once the next cycle of reincarnation begins, everything will start anew.
And everyone will be reset.
If each life isn’t regarded as real, perceived as a journey through the ga and reincarnation, everything will turn into aningless nihility.
At that point, if Ian makes the most wicked and brutal choice, it would likely be akin to a player collecting all CGs and achievent trophies in a ga, uttering apologies with their mouth while feeling no disturbance inside, perhaps even a hint of joy.
—I’ve reached places never touched, arrived at futures never traversed.
Just like Ian on the slaughter line, it’s a psyche almost completely twisted, indescribable by human standards; with every familiar person, every ’truly beloved’ friend killed, apart from imnse grief, there’s also a sense of indifference almost inconceivably joyous.
—It turns out, killing them... it makes so sad, so regretful, so sorrowful that my heart stops beating, tears streaming down, even wanting to end myself, abandon everything, and start anew.
—This is the ’unknown’ I’ve never experienced. This is the ’emotion’ that even countless deaths of ’’ have never known.
—My entirely new ’limit’.
Crying, and laughing. Genuinely sad, and genuinely joyous.
’That Ian’ put himself into the Perpetual Motion Machine, leaving behind a lonely and desolate Terra surrounded by a crimson sea of blood, starting the next cycle of reincarnation.
This ’endless curiosity’ might, perhaps, lead one down an irredeemable path, a path close to monstrosity.
’Past Ian’, to avoid this, deleted most of the mories that would affect this perspective, allowing Ian to start from scratch, viewing everything as real.
[So do you understand?]
A voice.
A great voice arises.
Ian looked up, not knowing when the cloudy sky had cleared, revealing endless stars above, a radiance from a distant source lighting up, setting celestial light to sway and shift, invoking an eternal and ancient presence.
"I have a vague understanding."
Ian didn’t know who it was, whether it was the Star God responsible for welcoming the Newborn Star God or the guardian of the Great Aether Circulation, or maybe the ’Ians’ questioning his current standstill.
He simply sat on the cliff, calmly gazing afar, "Ian isn’t perfect, I have done many things in the past, even strayed on a wrong path. I make wicked actions without hesitation and kind ones without reason because I transcend Space-Ti, I act for things beyond ’this universe’, so people I hold dear, so people I detest."
"It’s like a ga, even before the story begins, there are characters loved and hated for their appearance, lines, voice actors, skill designs, and other random reasons."
"But, who is loving? Who is hating? The outside the ga or the ’’ inside it? The beyond the universe or the within it?"
"The past ? Or the current ? All causes and effects have vanished, should I inherit the original love and hatred in the new universe?"
"Do I truly want to change everything, acquire the future I desire, complete my ’dream’, or rely satisfy my personal preferences, acting as I please?"
"What I truly yearn for... what is it?"
"I found the answer to this question, so I deleted most of my mories, starting anew. Genuine and true... becoming a part of this universe."
"Then I can start true love and hatred, have true dreams, and finally..."
Ian said thus, patting the seagull beside him, letting it fly away toward the horizon, and he stood up once more, "Genuine and true, fulfilling my true desires."
Ian desires the stars. More than anyone else. More than anyone else. He wants the infinite universe, he wants endless unknowns, what he loves is the infinite faraway — no one can deny it, no danger can block it.
But this isn’t his wish.
His purpose isn’t the ’infinite faraway’.
Or rather, his wish isn’t the ’purpose’.
Ian’s true wish... is the ’process’.
He wants to feel with his heart during exploration, to unravel mysteries, to witness things never seen, to appreciate all the beauty, ugliness, joy, and sorrow in the infinite universe, all loves and hatreds.
"I am ’Ian’." Thus Ian calmly and solemnly said, "I explore because I ’love’ exploration. I love exploration and those who wish to accompany . I can be alone, but I am also willing to travel together."
"I am Ian, a human who loves exploring the unknown, with a heart full of curiosity."
"And not a ’machine’ willing to do anything to explore the unknown."
"I don’t need to sacrifice. Because I don’t mind failure, as a failed exploration is still exploration."
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