The two walked to the bed in the corner. The girl looked at Ning Youguang and said, "I see it in my mom. It’s really terrifying not to grow up. She’s forever stuck in a single mindset externally, unable to see others, unable to see changes in the outside world. So she always treats others in one way. For example, the things I loved over a decade ago, I don’t like them anymore. She seems unable to see it, still thinking I love them, then makes things I don’t need, and she gets angry when I don’t accept them. The problem is she doesn’t get it; I no longer like those things, and I don’t need her to do them. What I need her to do, she doesn’t do. What I don’t need her to do, she presus to do. When I’m not receptive, she gets angry, looking as if I owe her millions, just like with my brother. We’re really at a loss; being with her is exhausting."
"Have you ever told her you don’t like those things?" Ning Youguang asked.
"Yes." The girl said, "I told her I don’t want them, but it’s like she completely filters it out, as if she can’t hear."
"She’s had a knot in her heart for a long ti." Ning Youguang said, "It seems like sothing once went against her heart, and it wasn’t unclogged. She hasn’t let it go, sothing like regret. This is why she’s closed off, unwilling to open up, unwilling to face new things. Is mom’s health not good either?"
"Yes." The girl said, "Last year’s New Year, my mom had surgery for a thyroid nodule, but it grew back this year during a physical exam. Although the doctor says it’s no big deal, my brother and I are really worried."
As she said this, the girl was noticeably anxious, "But my mom isn’t proactive in anything, not proactive in taking dication, not proactive in seeing a doctor. Every day, taking her dicine requires my brother and I to take turns calling her before she rembers. My dad says the herbal dicine the hospital prescribed — she often forgets it on the stove until it burns. Because of this, my dad has argued with mom quite a bit."
"There are many reasons why a sick mom isn’t proactive in treatnt or dication." Ning Youguang said, "You need to ask her specifically why this is so."
"I asked." The girl said powerlessly, "When I ask her, she just says everything’s fine. There’s nothing wrong, just forgetfulness. So my brother and I are really worried mom might develop Alzheir’s. The problem is she not only has a thyroid nodule, but also has a cerebral thrombosis, and tumors on her liver. A body full of ailnts. Since the check-up revealing so many issues, she hasn’t been needed to do anything at ho, yet she can’t even take care of herself. My brother and I send her WeChat ssages and call her every day to remind her. If it’s one day missed, she might forget."
The girl was clearly distressed and powerless, with her eyes showing the pain of not knowing what to do.
Ning Youguang imdiately comforted her, saying, "Don’t worry, it’s okay."
She said, "Did you suggest mom see a psychologist?"
"I did." The girl frowned, "I discussed it with my brother and dad, but they don’t seem very supportive of seeing a psychologist."
"What about mom herself?" Ning Youguang asked again.
"Mom herself is just silent, neither saying yes nor no." The girl said.
"That ans mom doesn’t want to go." Ning Youguang chuckled softly, "She just hasn’t prepared herself to face and solve her problems."
"But my family is very anxious." The girl said, "Even though she takes dicine daily, her condition remains the sa. It seems fine now, but cancer is sothing that grows back after removal. She’s not proactive in treatnt, and it grows fast... The problem is, with her personality, she won’t listen to us, and she won’t do anything herself, just muddling through each day!"
The girl couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh.
Ning Youguang said, "Just talk to her often. Whether it’s you, your brother, or your dad, you all need to chat with her regularly. You need to understand what’s on her mind before saying anything. Only when she’s willing to open up and accept can there be other possibilities."
"She is really good at avoiding issues. When you ask her questions, everything is fine, and then she shifts the topic to others." The girl said irritably, "This sumr, I paid special attention to her and accompanied her, but — we never got to the root of the issues. Whenever I address them, she dodges. Either she blas others or drags out irrelevant, ancient matters, or simply declares this and that won’t work. I get so angry and lose patience to keep talking to her properly."
"In this case, perhaps no doctor can help her." Ning Youguang still spoke gently.
The girl thought for a mont and said, "Then I’ll think about how to talk to her."
"It’s simple." Ning Youguang guided the girl, "Just ask her if she’s willing to face the things she’s unwilling to confront. This is incredibly beneficial to her health. If she’s willing, that’s great. If not, she’s just not ready yet."
"Are there specific points or entry points for willingness or unwillingness?"
"Ask her if she’s willing to confront the deep-seated pain. Having the courage to face it allows others to help her, at least benefiting her health." Ning Youguang said, "But if she’s not ready, forcing her will cause great distress."
"My brother and dad say mom’s current state is primarily due to her character, but I think it’s more about her mindset."
"Those are all speculations." Ning Youguang chuckled softly, "Specific willingness still has to be assessed by a professional doctor."
"Alright." The girl sighed.
"Don’t overthink it." Ning Youguang said, "Since it can’t be solved now, just wait for an opportunity."
"There’s no choice then." The girl really felt helpless about her mom.
She thought this in her heart, which was clearly shown in her expression.
Ning Youguang reached out gently, removing two strands of hair that had fallen on her shoulder, and softly comforted her, "When dealing with parents who are not ntally mature, for children who have grown up, you shouldn’t always expect your mom to always be your mom. The truth is, often your mom is playing the child’s role. Because if your mom hasn’t been well taken care of by her own mom, nor by her husband, she’ll turn to her children for care. So, every ti your mom gets angry with you, or is dissatisfied with you, or complains to you, she’s actually treating you as her mom, hoping to receive so praise from you. She needs your attention and your response. In such monts, she is like a baby, seeking help from you, needing your love and care." 1314
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