As Stuart Bloom In TBBT Chapter 98: The Investment Payoff

November 2010. My penthouse. Friday night.

The gang's here. Pizza. Beer. Ga night.

But first—portfolio review.

"Why are we doing this?" Howard asks.

"Because Stuart said it's important," Leonard answers.

I've got printouts. Five of them. Their investnt statents.

18 months ago, they each gave $5,000 to invest.

Conservative positions. Apple. Google. Amazon. Microsoft.

Now—

"Leonard. You're at $13,200."

He blinks. "That's—"

"164% return."

"From $5,000?"

"Yes."

"In 18 months?"

"Yes."

Howard grabs his statent. "$11,800. That's—wait. I can buy the ring."

Bernadette perks up. "What ring?"

"Nothing. No ring. Forget I said ring."

Everyone's looking at their statents.

Raj: $12,100.

Sheldon: $13,500 (he invested early, caught more growth).

"How did you do this?" Sheldon asks.

"Research. Timing. Luck."

"That's insufficient explanation."

"Apple stock split. Google grew. Amazon doubled. Tech sector's booming."

"But you predicted this."

No. I rembered it.

"I made educated guesses."

Leonard's staring at his statent. "$8,200 profit. In 18 months. That's—Stuart. That's incredible."

"You all trusted . I tried to earn that trust."

Raj hugs . Actually hugs . "You're a financial wizard."

"I'm a lucky guesser."

"No. You're brilliant. I can buy my telescope now. The good one. $3,000. I've been saving for years."

"Then buy it."

Howard's doing math on his phone. "$11,800 plus my savings is—enough. For a nice ring. Like actually nice."

Bernadette's pretending not to listen. Failing.

Sheldon's analyzing his statent. "The compound growth rate is 8.3% monthly. Assuming continued trajectory, in five years—"

"Don't assu continued trajectory," I interrupt. "Markets fluctuate. This was a good period. Next 18 months might be different."

"But you'll keep managing our money?"

They're all looking at .

"If you want."

"We want," Leonard says imdiately.

"I'll add more," Howard offers. "Another $5,000."

" too," Raj agrees.

Even Sheldon nods. "Optimal strategy is to compound gains. I'll reinvest entirely."

After they leave. Katie and I cleaning up.

"That was sweet," she says.

"What was?"

"Helping your friends. Watching them get excited about money. You made their year."

"I just invested sensibly."

"No. You cared enough to manage their money carefully. That's—rare. Most people would've blown it. Or ignored it. You took it seriously."

"They trusted ."

"And you earned it."

She's loading the dishwasher. I'm wiping counters.

"Stuart?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you invest for ?"

I pause. "You want to manage your money?"

"I have $30,000 saved. Just sitting in a checking account. Making nothing. If you could—do what you did for them—"

"Katie. That's different."

"Why?"

"Because you're my girlfriend. Mixing money and relationships is—complicated."

"But you trust yourself. I trust you. Where's the complication?"

Because I'm using supernatural knowledge and if it goes wrong you'll bla and we'll break up.

"Let think about it."

"Okay."

But she looks hurt.

Midnight. She's asleep.

I'm in my office. Looking at statents.

The gang's investnts are up because I knew the tech sector would boom.

I knew Apple would split and soar.

I knew Google would climb.

I knew Amazon would double.

Because I lived through it once already.

That's cheating.

Using it to help friends is—gray area.

Using it to help my girlfriend is—

What?

Worse?

Better?

I don't know.

I pull up my own portfolio.

Bitcoin: $10. Position worth $150,000.

Stocks: $120,000.

Total: $270,000.

Katie wants to invest her $30,000.

I could triple it in three years. Easily.

But explaining that success would require revealing powers.

Or creating more lies.

More distance.

More secrets.

I close the laptop.

Go to bed.

Hold her while she sleeps.

And feel the gap widening.

Between what she knows.

And what I am.

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