Caius smiled at her use of ’manly wiles’. It was especially amusing to him because she had laughed at him using it last weekend.
But then he studied Cynthia’s eyes, and as much as she was trying to keep a very natural expression, there was a look in them that revealed what she was feeling.
"You’re actually worried, aren’t you?" Caius asked.
Cynthia swallowed and set her jaw before letting out a sigh that blew her sweet breath all over Caius’s face.
"Of course I’m worried," Cynthia said, "This is the first ti—"
Cynthia trailed off then like she was finding it difficult to get the words out
"What is it?" Caius asked with so concern now.
In a way, it was that tone of concern that broke the dam that was keeping a lot of Cynthia’s thoughts in check. So she let it all out.
"This is the first ti I’ve ever been in a situation like this. The first ti I can’t trust my judgent. Your talent is sothing I noticed before things... progressed between us so I can still trust that.
But whatever you beco? How I feel about that is now marred by what we’ve done.
Will I be delighted to see you progress because you’re my student or because you’re sothing more? And if it’s the latter—and it likely will be—then my objectivity is gone. No matter what, your status in the classroom has changed and is unfair to the rest of my students.
Scrutinizing and assessing you twice—three, even four tis as hard as the others is only barely helping the situation because I’ve been compromised."
Cynthia had her head bowed as she ended her rant. Like she couldn’t bear to look into Caius’s face right now.
"I’d like to start by saying, I was joking about using my charms to help my assessnt," Caius said in a low voice, "I hope you know that."
Cynthia laughed a little.
"You were?"
"I was," Caius said as she relaxed his hands on her body and just rubbed slowly and soothingly,
"Assess six tis as hard if you want. The assessnt is the least of the worries here. It’s just a symptom of sothing more.
It’s a symptom of you not knowing."
"Not knowing what?" Cynthia asked.
"Not knowing how to deal with ," Caius said, "You are not new to having soone under your tutelage who you care about more than the rest of your students.
I wouldn’t dream of comparing myself with Delia but the point here is, you’ve managed her well. No one would ever think to accuse you of nepotism where she’s concerned. Granted she had made this ’easier’ by already being uninterested in being a Mage but even if she did want to be a Mage, you’d be able to handle it.
Surely I don’t matter to you as much as Delia does... And yet, I worry you more than she does. Or at least I worry you in a different way than she does."
Caius raised a hand and grabbed her chin gently before tilting her head up to look at him so he could stare into her stormy grey eyes.
"The reason for this of course, is because you’re not looking at the near future. Your worry isn’t even about the Mid-Sester Tests. It’s about what cos next. Whatever that is.
What you’re feeling is fear. Fear of what this relationship could beco. Or more accurately, it’s fear of what this relationship could turn you into."
Cynthia smiled then.
"That’s quite the psychoanalysis," she said.
"Am I wrong?" Caius asked and Cynthia’s silence told him he wasn’t.
While Cynthia didn’t feature all that much in the original story as compared to her sister Delia, the little of her that had been shown revealed what kind of person she was. Add onto that Caius’s own personal observations in this changed reality and there was no way his analysis about her was wrong.
Caius stroked his fingers from her chin to her cheek.
"I was joking about the Mid-Sester Tests. But no, I’m not better than using my charms to get what I want. Our duel a few days ago should have shown that. It’s an asset I happen to possess and I would be irresponsible not to use it when I can."
’Plus, if you’ve lived a life and a reality where you didn’t have these advantages I currently have, you’ll understand wanting to use them,’ Caius added in his head.
He had avoided staring at himself in the mirror and getting absorbed in his looks so as not to feed a growing narcissism within him. But he was very aware that he was a beyond handso young man. That was simply a fact and he considered it as much of a tool as his Vampirism.
"That’s not what I—" Cynthia started but Caius cut in gently.
"This is not attacking you. Believe ," Caius told her as he searched her eyes before he continued,
"When you care about soone, you must be ready to aid them however you can. I believe there’s no such thing as neutrality when it involves soone you care about.
Nepotism can often be just a word people use to villainize the relationship between two people that they’re jealous they don’t have and can’t take advantage of themselves.
You’re allowed to be unsure. You’re allowed to even joke about how our relationship affects your judgnt. But, if you’re not ready to embrace it, then what is the point of anything?"
"Caius, I have others in my care," Cynthia said having no issues understanding what he was talking about, "It’s not just you. I have a duty to all of them. A duty to be impartial..."
"And you’re worried that the way I make you feel will affect that," Caius said and nodded before he added,
"That’s fair."
He leaned in closer then and pressed their lips together in a kiss that had barely started before Cynthia was catching her breath and throwing her arms around his neck to secure him and intensify the kiss.
Caius rubbed his hand over her ass, had his front pressed quite hard against hers, squishing her breasts between them. He had a hand under her jaw now and stroked his thumb across her cheek in little tiny swabs of comfort that seed to contradict the sheer lustful intensity of their ongoing kiss. At least, it should have contradicted it, but instead, it aided it. It added a sensitivity and sensuality to the mont.
Cynthia felt that most of all.
Her heart beat hard in her chest and her blood ran through her so hard that it almost hurt but she felt as though she didn’t just want to strip his clothes and jump his bones, she wanted more than that. She wanted closeness. Oneness?
Caius pulled away eventually and after one try to keep the intensity, Cynthia seed to regain her sensibility and blinked before pulling away as well.
"Believe , I didn’t do that so you’d score ’Excellent’ on the next quiz," Caius said teasingly.
"Caius, it’s not like that," Cynthia called to him with a bit of a frustrated groan.
Caius smiled.
"I’m joking. But there are oftentis truths hidden within ’jokes’. The truth here is that I don’t care how you grade at Lochxen. This is just an academy. How I graduate—if I graduate—doesn’t matter to . My prospects don’t hinge on it.
My prospects hinge on people I can trust. People who would readily strive to support as I would always strive to support them. I aspire for far greater things than to waste my nepotism on Lochxen results."
Caius’s expression clouded over as he continued in a more somber tone while he took his hands off Cynthia’s body and held them behind his back.
"Unfortunately, I’m not seeking those who will consider the feelings and well-being of the many over the few. The few being , of course," he said.
"Caius," Cynthia called and reached out to him.
She didn’t move according to her circle so Caius could step back, while holding up a hand and smiling with a bit of sadness,
"Not being able to et this weekend might be for the best after all," he said gently,
"I’m sorry Professor, but I’m a really selfish person and the last thing I’d want is for that to be forced on you.
You—We—should probably take ti to assess the situation and decide what it is we truly want."
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