Just as Lee Cheonghyeon ntioned how being in the debut group felt real, the debut was gradually becoming a reality.
The biggest sign of this was the confirmation of the group’s na.
The group na, which had sparked heated debates, finally settled on ‘Spark’ after much deliberation.
Whether there could have been a better na, I wouldn’t know.
However, since ‘Spark’ was the na cherished by the mbers and fans in my ti, I didn’t interfere with this decision at all.
Besides that, various other topics were also discussed, like the opening of the official SNS accounts.
After hearing concrete plans about the group’s future, the atmosphere in the practice room changed positively.
You could say the determination was different. Everyone’s concentration seed to have doubled compared to before.
The intensity of practice also increased.
During the overall practice sessions, rest ti decreased while active ti increased.
Park Joowoo, who didn’t have great stamina, often had to sit on the floor for five minutes after practice to rest before heading back to the dorm.
anwhile, I, who still hadn’t improved my dance skills enough, had to receive twice as much feedback as usual.
“Iwol hyung, get in position!”
“Kim Iwol, your angle is off.”
Like this.
Sohow, I couldn’t get through a single phrase without issue.
‘I said I’d focus. Why is this happening?’
It felt like my body wasn’t cooperating. This sense of defeat was sothing I hadn’t felt since I first joined UA.
“Hyung. You’ve been making the sa mistake since morning. Wouldn’t it be faster if you practice separately?”
Today, my instructor was Kang Kiyeon.
Kiyeon was the most driven in practice among us, but he had been excluded from dance practice for two days in a row due to a slight problem with his already vulnerable ankle.
Kang Kiyeon said he would try to move within his limits, but everyone stopped him.
Since he would quickly pick up the choreography anyway, instead of making him practice more, we assigned him to supervise the choreography practice. His ability to spot mistakes was almost uncanny.
The problem was, I was the only one getting caught.
“Sorry. I’ll try it again. ”
I wiped off my sweat and apologized to the mbers.
We had already stopped the music several tis because of .
Whether it was due to nerves or sothing else, I felt short of breath. Normally, I’d still be full of energy at this ti, but my body felt hot.
‘Is it because it’s sumr?’
I looked around, wondering if the practice room itself was hot, but the others didn’t look any different from usual.
It seed the anxiety about falling behind was manifesting as heat. It pained .
Still, as I stood up with renewed determination, Kiyeon, who was sitting in front of the large mirror in the practice room watching us, asked,
“Hyung, why are you sweating so much?”
“I think it’s because of my anxiety about being cut from the group if I don’t dance well.”
“Don’t joke around.”
“Does my worry sound like a joke to you?”
I was always 100% serious.
Lately, I’d even lost sleep at night worrying that the day before the debut, soone would say, ‘I’ve thought it over… Let’s go without Iwol’. My concerns were mountainous.
If I failed to debut at this point after coming this far, I wouldn’t be able to face my sister even in death. So I couldn’t help but take it seriously.
Seeing my serious expression, Kiyeon didn’t press further. It seed my sincerity did get through to him.
Instead, Jeong Seongbin ca over from the corner of the practice room with a towel and water and said.
“Hyung, it might be because you’re nervous. If everyone’s okay with it, how about we take a short break from practice?”
“Yeah… let’s rest for 10 minutes.”
“I agree…!”
As soon as Jeong Seongbin gave the okay, Park Joowoo and Lee Cheonghyeon collapsed to the floor like raw eggs.
“Sorry. You’re all having a hard ti because of .”
“If you think like that, you’ll feel more burdened. Try to relax, hyung.”
Then Jeong Seongbin handed the towel and water he had brought.
For so reason,
Looking at the incredibly kind Seongbin, I was reminded of the detestable Manager Nam.
‘Assistant Manager Kim, are you drinking tea right now?’
‘Huh? Ah, yes.’
‘Employees these days have it easy, having tea ti while working.’
‘…’
‘Is it because no one around gives you a hard ti? You should feel a little uncomfortable at work.’
The image of Manager Nam, who berated for 30 minutes for taking a sip of Solomon’s seal tea while working, faintly flashed before my eyes.
I also rembered how others barely managed to stop him from criticizing only , even though he himself used to disappear for an hour saying he was going for coffee.
Moreover, I had quietly drunk at my own desk.
How could unpleasant mories be so vivid? It was inexplicable.
“Hyung? Are you really okay?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about sothing else for a mont.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course. Thanks for the towel. I’ll go wash my face for a bit.”
I quickly left the practice room with just the towel. When your discipline slipped, a splash of cold water would be the best redy.
Heading straight to the bathroom, I turned on the water so cold it nearly froze my hands and scrubbed my face vigorously. It woke right up.
After dousing myself with cold water until my skin stung, I raised my head to see a reddened face with unfocused eyes in the mirror.
I knew what idol fans called eyes like these.
“I’ve got dead-fish eyes.”
Seeing myself with a dumb expression when I should be self-disciplining, I couldn’t help but chuckle.
Even if I wasn’t feeling well, I had to endure to so extent.
After all, people couldn’t always be in perfect condition, and there were tis when you had to work even in unfavorable situations.
But what if, Like Seongbin said, I was nervous because I alone was falling behind?
‘Then I need to pull myself together even more.’
I was the one clinging on to them like a leech begging to debut together, so getting nervous and holding others back would be inconsiderate of .
I wiped my face and returned to the practice room, where I pulled the mbers who were sitting down to their feet.
“Everyone’s rested now, right? Get up. Co on.”
“Hyung, are you sure you don’t need more rest?”
“I’ve washed my face. If we want to finish the first verse today, we need to practice diligently.”
“The first verse? Can we get that far?”
“Yeah. So don’t adjust to my level, adjust to yours.”
I’d show them the perseverance and tenacity of an office worker who rewrote a proposal eight tis even after it was rejected seven tis.
Perhaps my determination was conveyed, as practice resud imdiately. And quite intensely at that.
Thus, we finished the day by dancing passionately until 10 p.m.
And the next day, I deeply regretted this rash decision.
* * *
It was a day during my university years.
That was when I attended lectures during the day, worked as a tutor in the evening, and then took on a part-ti job at a convenience store from night until dawn.
That night, as soon as the store owner, who had been covering the shift before , saw arrive for work, he said,
‘You don’t look well, Iwol.’
‘Hello, boss. I think it’s because I didn’t sleep well last night.’
‘You didn’t sleep well? Why?’
‘It just happened. But I’m not sleepy at all now, so don’t worry.’
I rembered saying this very carefully so that the store owner, who had to leave the store to a part-tir who looked pale, wouldn’t feel anxious.
For , a bit of lost sleep wasn’t a big deal.
My sleep schedule was always the sa, and my daily routine rarely changed.
So after finishing my last day’s work at the convenience store, I returned to my apartnt and fell into a deep sleep.
I slept so soundly that I didn’t even rember the night before.
I was so deeply asleep that I didn’t even notice that my pillow was soaking wet with blood until I woke up.
And today, a few years later, I had that dream for the first ti in a long ti.
In the dream, I vividly recalled my shock upon waking up and seeing the darkened pillow.
‘It’s been a long ti since I’ve had such a strange dream.’
When I thought back to that ti, my nose felt a little sore. I wondered if that was why I had a dream about a nosebleed.
Instinctively, I reached up to touch my nose.
At the sa ti, I realized the pain in my nose wasn’t just in my head, and I felt a sticky sensation under my nose.
I could also feel a pungent tallic sll from under my nose.
‘No way.’
I raised my head, praying earnestly that it wasn’t true.
Unfortunately, today’s pillow was also stained with dark red splotches. As did my fingertips.
Had I overexerted myself recently?
No.
Then, was there anything that made feel extrely stressed?
That wasn’t it either.
‘Then why on earth did I get a nosebleed?’
No matter how much I racked my brain while turning on the frying pan, I couldn’t find anything suspicious.
There was no way I had any health problems. My annual health checkups had always co back clear.
Perhaps my body knew that its owner couldn’t afford any major hospital bills, so I’d never been seriously ill.
By morning, the nosebleed had already stopped. Thanks to that, I didn’t have to plug my nose, but I was too preoccupied washing the pillowcase at the crack of dawn.
It was fortunate that I woke up before the alarm went off.
If I’d been unlucky, I might have shown Lee Cheonghyeon an unsightly scene when he got up to get ready for school.
Since I was up early, I decided to bake so bread, and that was when Jeong Seongbin ca out from the other room.
Judging from the fact that he was in his pajamas, he must have not washed up yet.
“Hyung? You woke up early…?”
“Yeah. I did.”
Still half-asleep, Jeong Seongbin was about to greet with the dorm’s ‘Six Commandnts’ morning pleasantries, but I quickly pushed him into the bathroom.
Then Kang Kiyeon popped out from sowhere. It was a busy morning, so I didn’t have the presence of mind to care about my nose.
‘Well. A nosebleed is no big deal anyway.’
I put toast on the table for the high school students going to school and returned to my room.
Since I was up early, I thought I’d go to the practice room early.
And 30 minutes later, at the practice room.
‘Haa…’
It sounded really stupid, but I finally realized it then.
I had a sumr fever.
I had never been sick in my life, so I thought I was just having a slump. At least up until I started breaking out in a cold sweat.
The mont my back beca damp just from warming up, I knew sothing was seriously wrong.
I could feel my fever rising even when I was staying still, so I understood why I sweated so much yesterday.
‘Does it show?’
It would be a problem if the illness showed on my face.
I had a bad mory because I had been sick at Hanpyeong Industry once, crawling out of the bathroom on all fours and getting yelled at by Manager Nam.
‘Assistant Manager Kim, are you trying to make a scene because you’re sick? Haven’t I told you over and over that taking care of your health is also a skill?’
‘You think you’re the only one who gets sick? I’m sick too. Who doesn’t get sick while working?
I didn’t even rember what else that person said. I had to make a U-turn back to the bathroom because I felt like throwing up again.
I took out a fever reducer from the first-aid kit in the practice room and swallowed it.
And before Choi Jeho and Park Joowoo ca, I tried my best to cool down my fever by fanning myself with my hand and I made a vow to myself.
I’ll endure it no matter what.
I absolutely must not let anyone notice this! …Absolutely.
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