We headed toward the parking lot while maintaining an awkward distance between us. Since we had slipped out early, weaving past people too busy greeting acquaintances they had not seen in ages, both the elevator and the parking area were surprisingly quiet for year’s end.
As other people passed by, Gu Jahan did not say a single word.
The suffocating awkwardness dragged on.
Wasn’t he planning to pretend not to know ?
Before the awards ceremony had started, I had happened to run into him and given him a silent bow of greeting, only to be ignored. Personally, I believed basic courtesy should still be observed, but I figured it might have felt unpleasant from Gu Jahan’s perspective, so I had not tried speaking to him further.
But then he had deliberately stopped .
I could not tell what he was thinking.
Gu Jahan finally spoke once there was no longer any sign of people nearby.
"Congratulations on the award."
"Thank you."
Silence fell again.
The fact that no one else was around sohow made it even more uncomfortable.
"If you did not have anything else to say, then I will be going first—"
"I apologized."
Gu Jahan cut in first.
"I thought it would not be a big deal, you know? But it took way longer than I expected."
"..."
"I could not do it for the people who blocked . They said that might only upset them more. If I get contacted later asking for an apology, I will do it then."
His tone was calm.
"You were right, Kim Iwol. I think I looked down on people too much."
For soone supposedly unconcerned about who might overhear, he had stayed completely silent every ti people passed by. Yet now, with no one around to pry, he was being excessively honest.
"I spent my whole life cutting off anyone I did not like. But then I realized those people had endured my calls and ssages because of work..."
"..."
"...and sohow that just made feel even more sorry."
Whether to accept an apology is the victim’s choice.
Rejecting contact from the perpetrator should also be the victim’s right.
But once jobs beco involved, once livelihoods are on the line, once pressure from others enters the picture, victims may end up forced into conversations they never wanted.
Gu Jahan had realized that himself.
The fact that he had even been able to contact those victims at all was only possible because he was a celebrity, because he held power in the industry.
"So I thanked them. I also told them I would not resent them if they chose not to forgive ."
"You must have been busy."
"I do not know about that."
Gu Jahan did not sound proud in the slightest.
"The people who had to work every day while listening to my bullshit were probably busier."
Adding anything would have been rude.
I simply listened quietly as he spoke.
"They thanked for apologizing. Ridiculous, right?"
"..."
"What is there to be grateful for when all I did was say sorry? But then I thought... maybe they had gone their whole lives without hearing even that. And when I think there were probably people who forced themselves to accept my apology because they were afraid I would say worse things later if they did not, that bothers too."
‘Assistant Manager Kim, I already apologized on behalf of the departnt head. You should know how to accept it gracefully and let it go.’
‘...’
‘Are you planning to quit after today? If your superior lowered himself this much, the proper thing to do would be to apologize too and admit you had your own shortcomings. Setting everything else aside, do you seriously not have even the slightest willingness to sacrifice for the company?’
The mont you force yourself to bow your head, your self esteem gets crumpled rcilessly.
The wounds left behind from admitting fault for sothing that was never your responsibility do not disappear.
Like creases left in paper.
The words Gu Jahan spoke layered themselves over scars buried deep in the distant past like strips of tape.
No amount of correction tape rubbed over wounds carved by others could ever truly erase them, yet the hollowed spaces slowly filled in, smoothing the unevenness inside my heart.
"What made believe I would keep living comfortably forever? Because I never faced hardship in life?"
"I do not think that."
"That is generous of you. So people said it was because I was born lucky."
So people seek compensation for difficult childhoods from others.
So people who grow up in good environnts beco even more generous to those around them.
‘Your past made you turn out this way!’ was nothing more than narrow minded condemnation.
"I think I finally understand the last thing you said to too."
I rembered it.
The final ssage I had sent to Gu Jahan.
[...If our views differ, I do not think maintaining a long-term relationship between us will be possible.]
Gu Jahan stopped walking.
"So now... do you think our views have beco the sa?"
The arrogance had disappeared from his eyes.
There was no hostility pushing toward an answer.
Only a gaze waiting for the conclusion I would reach myself.
Without a word, I walked over to my car.
Then I took out a small box of cabbage juice from inside and held it out to him.
"Senior Yoonjae asked to give this to you if I happened to see you."
It was a gift from Woo Yoonjae, soone who had likely been on Gu Jahan’s list of apologies.
I had vaguely suspected Gu Jahan must have taken so sort of action when Woo Yoonjae handed this to , saying he was not sure whether he himself would ever get the chance to give it to him.
After hesitating briefly, Gu Jahan accepted the box.
I took out another package and handed that over as well.
"This one is a year-end gift from ."
"What?"
"I felt uneasy only receiving things from you, so I prepared sothing small in return."
Gu Jahan’s eyes widened.
"I thought you were planning never to see again."
"Like I said before. If our views had remained different, it probably would have been difficult."
"Then why..."
"Because that was not what I wanted."
Gu Jahan was the first person who ever proved to that people could change.
Not a teammate who had to work alongside .
Not a coworker I was forced to see every day at the sa company.
Just soone who could have easily disappeared from my life forever if we stopped seeing each other.
And yet, despite how fundantally incompatible we were, he had still tried not to sever our relationship.
So I hoped.
Just a little.
And I waited.
"I simply hoped we could beco the sort of people who could appreciate what we received from each other and repay it in return."
"..."
"I am glad I finally got the chance to repay you. That thing is seasonal, after all."
At my words, Gu Jahan peeked inside the shopping bag.
Inside was a black cashre scarf, an essential item for actors who constantly had to upload boyfriend-look photos.
Because Gu Jahan had shown a change I could hardly believe, perhaps I had wanted to try believing in him as well.
Before winter ended, I had wanted to give its owner his gift.
"Congratulations on the Excellence Award!"
"Congrats, hyung!"
Apparently the phone call during the entire drive ho had not been enough. The mont I opened the dorm door, energetic cheers slamd into my ears. Even a village celebrating the top scorer of the state examinations in the Joseon era would not have been this noisy.
More importantly, stop talking about so much on your personal Bubble Pops. Instead of discussing what pajamas you wore while watching the Drama Awards, talk about which nominated dramas you watched or sothing.
"Take the trophy out. Let see it."
"Cheonghyeon, let hyung co inside first...!"
Park Juu rescued while I stood trapped in the entranceway. At this rate they would have emptied my bag right there in the hallway.
The surprise welco was not over yet.
Kang Giyeon erged from the room carrying an enormous bouquet.
"Congratulations on Spark’s first acting award."
"Thanks, but where did you even get a bouquet like this in the middle of the night?"
"Seongbin hyung reserved it imdiately after your Drama Awards schedule got confird."
It was an impressively decisive move.
When I asked Jeong Seongbin about it, he said that even if I had not won, simply being nominated would still have been incredible, so he had planned on giving flowers regardless.
Once again, Choi Jeho had not stopped the younger mbers.
Or maybe he could not stop them?
Had I failed to give that supposed eldest brother enough authority? Though at this point it was probably too late to build up Choi Jeho’s dignity now. Honestly, adding another round of cramming-style education to the curriculum seed faster.
"Want to see Cheonghyeon’s perfectly tid screenshot? If you only look at the visuals, you would think he was a movie star."
"What kind of movie star shows up looking like that with pink hair?"
Choi Jeho interrupted, but Lee Cheonghyeon ignored him and shoved over his phone anyway.
A giant photo of was plastered across Lee Cheonghyeon’s Instar account.
So people enjoyed seeing this sort of teamwork in public ntions, so I decided to hold back the lecture.
"More importantly, there was sothing we had to finish before the year ended, right? You all did your howork before watching the broadcast, did you?"
The idiots nodded confidently.
Spark had benefited enormously from this year’s annual planning.
After struggling through budget shortages during debut and suddenly getting thrown into survival show appearances, spending an entire year with everything from coback schedules to concerts already confird had probably made them appreciate planning far more deeply.
Jeong Seongbin even looked proud while saying that all the mbers had contributed many ideas.
Honestly... he looked like soone who had fallen in love with work. It made feel the need to lighten the burden on our leader sohow.
Still, since everyone had cooperated enthusiastically, next year’s planning process would probably proceed smoothly.
We are already entering our third year, huh.
Once the year changed, Spark’s seniority would rise another level too.
Considering many companies promoted employees around their third year, Spark was basically reaching assistant ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) manager level now.
"I submitted my concept item third, so why is my waiting number already double digits?"
"Because Iwol hyung submitted seventeen..."
"The guy who kept preaching quality over quantity did that?"
Was it just my imagination, or did Park Juu and Lee Cheonghyeon’s conversation sound suspiciously like office workers?
At least, that was how it sounded to .
Not like the lifeless atmosphere from when I used to handle Director Nam’s assignnts, but more like Assistant Manager Hwang and Senior Staff Song fumbling through trial and error over tiny new tasks too insignificant to even record in a work log.
"Did you forget what that hyung posted in the group chat? ‘If there are lots of useless options, it is a trash heap. If there are lots of aningful options, it is a jewel box.’"
"So he submitted seventeen items trying to make a jewel box?"
"How many were you planning to submit?"
"? Thirteen."
"Seongbin hyung, do we really still need brainstorming etings?"
"No. We absolutely do. Collective intelligence is how we filter out unexpected problems or catch ideas we overlooked—"
"Fine, fine. Soone just reserve a eting room already."
"I will book it...!"
‘Assistant Manager Hwang, did you install the partition backward?’
‘Huh? Really?’
‘Wait, the footplate is facing upward!’
‘You are right. Why did I do that?!’
‘Because you have been pulling all nighters for two straight days. Let us finish up and leave work early tonight.’
‘Sounds good. And next ti, let us all apply to companies that actually have an administration team...’
‘Ahahaha!’
It was not perfect, but those fiercely exhausting yet joyful mories were being recreated anew in their own way.
All I had to do now was use that longing as nourishnt and keep moving forward.
User Comments
0 comments from readers