The day of the “IAD” recording finally arrived. Because he had to get through the pre-interview, rehearsals, and opening shoot, Park Juu left the dorm at the crack of dawn.
Spark headed to the salon later. Since they were attending a prestigious competition program as gallery guests, they toned down the flashy idol makeup as much as possible.
Everyone wore the neatest outfit they owned.
Except for .
I picked sothing moderately formal instead. If I chose my neatest clothes, I would end up wearing a full black suit setup.
"Seongbin, your bangs!"
"Ah! Sorry!"
Jeong Seongbin unconsciously ran a hand through his bangs again. It was already the third ti. His hands simply refused to stay still.
"Are you that nervous?"
Kang Giyeon, who had been quietly watching their leader, asked the question. He looked ready to pull out calming dicine for Jeong Seongbin at any mont.
"Yeah. It’s not even my stage, but it’s weird."
Jeong Seongbin laughed awkwardly.
"You’re the senior when it cos to ‘IAD,’ Seongbin. Did you give Juu any advice?"
"What advice could I possibly give Juu?"
He really was perfect on stage. There was a reason Park Juu had secured his position through vocals alone in Spark, a group that already had Choi Jeho as center and Lee Cheonghyeon as visual.
"Still..."
After hesitating, Jeong Seongbin lifted the corners of his mouth and smiled.
"I told him I’d cheer him on."
That was probably the one thing Park Juu needed to hear most.
After replaying the data I had already seen and even digging through old mories, I had barely managed to understand how to encourage him properly. Jeong Seongbin, anwhile, knew instinctively. Maybe this was what people ant when they said it was good to have friends.
"Juu must’ve liked that."
"He did. Juu’s purehearted."
Jeong Seongbin’s bangs were neat again before anyone noticed.
The cast mbers of “IAD” gathered in the waiting area and moved to the competition stage when it was their turn. After performing, they returned to the sa area and watched everyone else’s stages together until filming ended.
Because of that, there was no chance to see Park Juu in a private waiting room. Since we arrived before recording started, the standby studio was visible on a large monitor.
Not long after, filming began, and Park Juu appeared on screen.
"...Isn’t this rock?"
...He looked incredibly calm.
With his hair dyed black, he almost looked like a different person. Dressed in a black short-sleeved jacket and matching pants, it was impossible to guess what kind of performance he had prepared.
The wristbands he always wore were gone as well. Instead, bracelets glead under the lights against his pale skin. Kang Giyeon stared in obvious shock at the unexpected styling.
『After Seongbin 씨, you’re Spark’s second mber to appear on the show.』
"Yes. I’m even more nervous because I’m coming after Seongbin. He sings so well."
『I heard you’re also Spark’s main vocalist, Juu 씨?』
Like the experienced idol he was, Park Juu smoothly carried the interview by himself. His many radio appearances had clearly helped.
Even so, my mouth went dry.
The singers before him had all displayed overwhelming skill. The most explosive response ca from a famous breakup-song specialist who had completely transford their performance into a bold K-pop stage. The entire venue had erupted into excitent.
"If you want to look cool no matter what you do, I guess you really have to be good at singing."
"Probably..."
Lee Cheonghyeon comnted with an excited face. Even Kang Giyeon, nodding in agreent, had sparkling eyes. The mont recording ended, he looked ready to run straight to vocal lessons.
『Ah, it’s this person’s turn.』
The host pulled a small ball from the box and checked the na. Every ti a ball was drawn, Jeong Seongbin clenched his fists so tightly that his hands had repeatedly turned white, then red again.
『The owner of an enchanting voice that captured the hearts of youth.』
Even with the consistently old-fashioned introduction, it was obvious who the next contestant was. Lee Cheonghyeon covered his mouth with both hands.
『Please welco Spark’s Juu 씨 to the stage!』
Unlike the actual broadcast, there was a delay before Park Juu appeared. Naturally, he had to move from the studio to the stage.
A few minutes later, Park Juu walked out to the center of the stage. Even the staff mbers applauded for him from the corners of the waiting room.
『How did it feel watching the performances from backstage?』
A short interview began. Holding the microphone tightly in both hands, Park Juu answered softly and calmly. After sharing his thoughts about his first appearance, the questions turned toward the competition itself.
『Could you tell us a little about the performance you prepared today?』
Park Juu tightened his grip on the microphone before relaxing it again.
It was a habit he had whenever he wanted to say sothing important.
『It’ll be my family’s morial day soon.』
A heavy topic surfaced unexpectedly.
I had never heard him ntion siblings before, which ant the “family” Park Juu referred to could only be his mother and father.
And if both of their morial days were the sa...
『I was too young back then to properly say goodbye. But now... I’ve beco a respectable adult. I have good friends around , and I wanted to tell them not to worry.』
Park Juu himself remained composed.
There was no way losing loved ones could be easy. And yet, the fact that he could stay this calm ant he had cried until there were no tears left to shed.
Just like I once had.
Park Juu adjusted his black jacket with the hand that wasn’t holding the microphone.
A lody began to flow through the venue.
It had been rearranged into rock, but the original song was so famous that anyone could recognize it imdiately.
The title of this tiless masterpiece inspired by Andersen’s The Little rmaid was—
『My Family Beneath the Water』
...that.
Blue lights rippled across the stage.
When he blinked, it felt like that day underwater again.
『In my hotown, white spray swirls endlessly,
And black currents flow without end.
Even the light that once draped down like curtains
Sinks and lts away—
My dazzling sandcastle, my beloved ho.』
Water rushed into his nose and mouth. Every ti he tried to spit it out, more water filled him again.
The car spun around once—
‘Mom.’
—and then, with a heavy crash, he rembered suddenly being outside the car.
Through his mother’s long floating hair, Park Juu saw the two tightly clasped hands tangled together. They still held onto each other so firmly that there was no room left to hold him too.
There was ground beneath Park Juu’s feet.
Only a little.
Just enough.
The car drifted farther away, beyond reach, before sinking into bottomless darkness.
『The land is beautiful.
Birds sing beneath the sun.
The voices that once called for
Stopped reaching one day.』
For a very long ti, Park Juu kept hearing his family’s voices.
From the mont he woke up until he fell asleep, he lived surrounded by screams. Since the only way he could hear them anymore was through hallucinations, he did not hate it.
People had to call his na several tis before he noticed them, but he assud everyone was simply too overwheld with grief to realize.
Shock did not fade naturally with ti.
Park Juu’s mind remained firmly rooted at the site of the accident, sprouting into every corner of his daily life.
Leaves spread everywhere.
A sudden shout from sowhere nearby. The nauseating sway of a backseat. Mud staining his clothes.
Every little thing dragged him back to that mont.
『My na shatters apart and becos waves,
And the cries searching for spread across the water’s surface,
Growing faint, so faint.
Only the sound of sand washing away
Tells I still stand by the sea.』
Whenever Park Juu pressed both hands tightly over his ears, his older sister once gave him a headset she had bought with money from her part-ti job. She said the advertisent claid noise canceling helped calm the mind.
External noise had never really bothered him.
Still, Park Juu gladly accepted the gift.
When he crawled beneath the blankets with the headset on, traces of his mother and father faded away—only to return vividly again.
Park Juu endlessly rewound the clock of mory.
Back to the mont of the crash.
He desperately repeated it over and over, trying to carve the final mory into his mind.
And for the rest of his life, he remained trapped there.
Until one day, an unexpected change arrived.
It was pure coincidence that Heo Sihu accidentally connected his Bluetooth device to Park Juu’s headset and blasted loud music through it.
『The world is filled with wondrous things.
From crimson flowers, I sll sweetness untouched by salt,
And from giant trees, I feel textures dried and cracked.』
An overwhelming noise poured into him.
No matter how piercing the screams were, they could not break through the volu of an electric guitar turned all the way up. The drums thundered louder than the crying.
So people’s voices were allowed to scream.
Songs sung by living people with purpose never sounded hollow, no matter how many tis he heard them.
『Even when torrential rain drenches ,
It never rises high enough to drown .』
His entire body beca soaked.
Music was different from a reservoir.
No matter how deeply he sank into it, breathing never hurt. Even if he fell under, he could pull himself back out with his own strength.
For the first ti in years, Park Juu beca aware of music again.
Sothing he had forgotten even existed.
『Breathing outside
Was sothing so refreshingly overwhelming.』
Waves crashed inside his lungs.
Park Juu treasured the music he had barely managed to reclaim like a precious jewel.
Whenever he no longer wanted to hear screams, he cherished and loved the one thing capable of saving him.
‘I heard from the CEO that we’re the sa age...’
The world slowly began moving again after a boy from the company around his age—soone he had passed by a few tis—started talking to him.
‘Would you happen to be interested in idols?’
Eyes devoid of pity looked directly at Park Juu.
He was interested.
More than interested.
But he had never even considered it seriously. Soone like him, abandoned even by his own family—who would ever make room for him?
As long as he hid the story of his past, Park Juu could beco ordinary friends with Jeong Seongbin. Kindhearted Jeong Seongbin noticed that Park Juu carried burdens, but he never pried.
He could even live in one house with more people than when he still lived with his parents.
An ordinary life was as comforting as he had desperately hoped it would be.
And so, singing beneath lights that sparkled like stars beca his final dream.
『Who beneath the sea could paint a golden sun upon giant paper?
Who could place a necklace woven from seashells and grass around my neck?
Living as a rmaid on land is lonely,
But hearing whistles makes happy.』
There were still monts when the family Park Juu had pushed beyond his mories resurfaced unexpectedly.
When Lee Cheonghyeon ca back hurt after hearing cruel words and cried.
When Kim Iwol told Lee Cheonghyeon that he did not necessarily need to stay on good terms with family.
And when Park Juu realized the reason Kim Iwol could say that was because he himself could not forgive his own family.
Every ti that happened, Park Juu was standing closest to the two of them.
It was not coincidence.
It was inevitable.
Watching them, Park Juu empathized as though it were happening to him. Because it never felt like soone else’s story.
And he watched what choices Kim Iwol and Lee Cheonghyeon made.
Lee Cheonghyeon received an apology. But until the knot in his heart loosened, he decided to maintain the current distance.
Kim Iwol chose to end the relationship. Even if the process would be long and painful, he wanted confirmation that none of it had been his fault. He wanted freedom.
Park Juu had no one left to apologize to him.
No one left to tell him he had done nothing wrong.
But one thing still remained.
Park Juu himself—the person who could decide how he would live from now on.
『Sotis I miss the loves I left behind.
When the full moon reflects upon the sea,
I pray that the moonlight reaches the ocean depths.』
So farewells could never be undone, so Park Juu tried desperately to avoid the worst possible outco.
Death still terrified him, but now that he had grown older, there were things he could do.
Like bringing food to Kim Iwol—who had collapsed after drinking sothing another person handed him—after wiping away tears falling in front of the sink with his sleeve.
For the sake of doing his best for the people who remained, he decided not to cling to those who had already left.
It was ti to let go of the two people he had carried with him all his life because he had wanted to stay with them forever.
Upon the stage he had prepared with such care, Park Juu finally let his precious people go.
『I will not return.
Even if the tears I’ve shed gather into sea foam,
I’ll drag these heavy legs forward and walk upon the land.
My life is here now.』
‘If you ever find sothing you want to do too, hyung, tell anyti.’
Park Juu rembered how long it had taken him to say those words.
It required trendous courage from him.
Because he had never believed he could beco soone capable of helping others.
He still could not confidently say his life had beco whole.
Nor was he certain he could return as much comfort /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ as he himself had received.
Even now, Park Juu still slept beneath the sa blanket his mother once used, and whenever he missed his father’s voice, he searched for his headset.
When loneliness overwheld him, Park Juu remained the kind of weak person who scraped together the few traces of family he had left and curled up while clutching them close.
But now, little by little, things would change.
‘How could they do sothing like that with their child there?’
The people Park Juu had loved so dearly had not chosen him at the very end...
‘...But the people who say things like that are trying to comfort in their own way.’
...because there were now even more people who cared about Park Juu than that.
People who fulfilled every promise he had never expected anyone to keep—promises he had spoken aloud only because he thought they were ant to break.
『I’ll go to the land now.
Don’t grieve the rmaid who is leaving.
If you loved , then forget .』
Honestly, I resent you a lot.
You lied to . Even though you knew it was the end, you never looked at even once.
What hurt most was that you never held my hand.
I still miss you, but sotis I might hate you too.
Even so, don’t bla yourselves for .
And don’t feel sad just because I don’t want to see you again too soon.
『To my family sleeping beneath the deep and freezing sea,
May you rest forever in peace within the darkness.』
I’ll stay here.
Because I like it here.
Because my new family is waiting for .
『Goodbye. Sleep well.』
And when I miss you—
I’ll cry just a little.
User Comments
0 comments from readers