For the past few days, I’d been eagerly looking for an opportunity to go out.
All for the sake of going to a PC bang.
Unaware of my impure intentions, Kang Kiyeon kindly gave a little encouragent.
“Don’t overdo it.”
“Yes. See you tomorrow.”
After confirming that Kang Kiyeon was going up the stairs, I imdiately turned my back.
Then I ran out onto the street and caught the first taxi that ca.
I hated breaking the rules. Because I was the type of person who found it easier to follow orders.
Anyone would beco like that after standing for four hours getting chewed out for complaining about personal tasks during a one-on-one eting.
But now, I had no choice. There was sothing I absolutely needed to confirm.
The taxi soon arrived at the entrance of the apartnt complex where I had lived with my family before I moved out.
Instead of entering the apartnts, I walked for a few minutes toward the comrcial district, where a familiar PC bang ca into view.
As soon as I opened the door, the part-tir waved away, saying minors couldn’t be in the PC bang after 10 PM.
If they had seen my dark circles in bright light, they wouldn’t have made that misunderstanding.
With no other option, I showed my ID to prove I had just turned 20 and was allowed to enter.
I felt relieved—If I had ti-traveled just one year earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to enter PC bangs or karaoke places.
Once I found a seat, the first thing I checked was the certified copy of the apartnt registry and my resident registration.
There was a lot of personal information to input, and I couldn’t use Lee Cheonghyeon’s laptop in case the search history remained.
I discovered sothing surprising, though it was not particularly exciting.
Around the sa ti my address was changed to Spark’s dorm, the ownership of the apartnt was transferred from my father to soone else.
I rembered it was who had cut off contact with my family first back then.
Interestingly, it seed now both my parents had severed ties with first.
Not that it mattered. The only difference was that I distanced myself from my family a bit earlier this ti.
Being dumped at an entertainnt agency at 20 was a bit pitiful, though.
Next, I started organizing my asset portfolio in Google Sheets based on my total assets of 15 million won.
First, I set aside an ergency fund, calculated minimal living expenses, and confird the basic amount needed for a housing subscription, subtracting it from the balance.
‘With the house gone, a housing subscription is a must. The remaining money… I’ll invest in stocks.’
The past had zero interest in stocks.
Thanks to that, all I knew were stocks that were either already famous or destined to beco famous.
Like the ones that soared 300%, becoming well-known to the entire nation.
Sure enough, when I checked, so major stocks did seem to be trading at low prices.
Since I didn’t even go to college and was about to squander this hard-earned money, I at least intended to grow it as much as possible before repaying my sister.
Looking at a post titled ‘Gamsungelectronic.Soday.Itwilleventuallyrise’ with comnts like ‘Grandpa, just go ho and sleep’, I exited the stock discussion forum.
If I knew which stocks were going to be delisted, I would at least write a post warning everyone to run.
As soone who didn’t know much, all I could do was wish for everyone’s investnts to succeed.
Hoping I’d made the right choice, I left the PC bang, feeling utterly exhausted.
Then, to keep my word about going to a karaoke room to practice, I sang for about two hours before quietly returning to the dorm.
It had been a long day.
* * *
If there was one thing I realized every morning, it was that my physical strength at the age of twenty was incomparable to that of nine years later.
No matter how much I danced or cut back on sleep the previous day, I always had the energy to move in the morning.
‘I guess it was youth that allowed to do logistics part-ti jobs every vacation.’
Whenever I felt my youth coming back like this, I only felt complicated.
There were also so changes in my otherwise monotonous daily routine.
“Did the extra practice help?”
For the first ti, instead of just nodding in greeting when we t in the morning, Kang Kiyeon offered his version of a morning greeting.
“I realized I’m not a genius who can who can gain proficiency in just one day.”
“Did you practice separately again yesterday, hyung? Wow, hyung, your dark circles are no joke!”
Even Lee Cheonghyeon, who had clearly been following from behind, peeked over to check my face and made a fuss.
Even the manager who unusually ca to our dorm this morning chid in from behind.
“Joowoo can sing a song right after hearing it once.”
“Isn’t that proof that Joowoo is a genius?”
I imdiately appealed to the manager about the greatness of the mbers.
Being compared to the main vocalist from the morning was too harsh of an environnt.
It was definitely a noisy morning compared to when I lived alone. Still, I was getting a bit used to greet the morning together with everyone.
It was scary, the adaptability of humans.
Since then, Kang Kiyeon would occasionally talk to as we went about our day.
Jeong Seongbin, who had a habit of taking care of everyone, Lee Cheonghyeon, who was very sociable, and Park Joowoo, who would quietly observe my posture and vocals without even noticing his arrival.
The Spark mbers took ti out of their breaks to help practice.
anwhile, I had to resist the urge to instinctively press shortcut keys in the air to correct their facial tones.
Regardless of how hard I was trying to learn, these guys needed to realize how harmful it was to people’s hearts to suddenly intrude on soone’s space.
Even Choi Jeho, who rarely talked to others, said this.
“You seem to get close to the kids very quickly.”
It seed Choi Jeho noticed how I was passed around among the mbers like a subway circle line.
Still, saying that we were getting close was taking it too far. I was grateful for their consideration and kindness, but that was all.
“? With the mbers?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t it because they’re all nice?”
“I suppose.”
Choi Jeho responded ambiguously. Anyone could tell he wasn’t in a good mood.
Well, who would be in this situation?
They advised , gave feedback at night, and looked after on the way ho.
Given the kindness Spark mbers were showing to , UA’s black sheep, it was only right to be grateful and acknowledge their good nature.
But I had no intention of getting closer to them. You guys should just stick with each other.
“With Kiyeon, it feels more like a strict teacher and a hopeless student…”
“At least you know it was hopeless.”
“You’re saying that in the past tense?”
Choi Jeho let out a slight smile at my words.
That smile, the fans…
‘Please don’t misunderstand. Our Jeho is laughing his head off right now. He doesn’t bite.’
…It was the kind of smile that they would have to explain like that.
If I hadn’t known, I wouldn’t have been able to distinguish Choi Jeho’s smiles.
Of course, there was sothing that bothered .
The kindness of the mbers and my freeloading status were separate issues.
If I wanted to cling to the bus window with a sinister purpose, I would need more than just effort. As long as I had a conscience.
The best solution would be to improve my skills imdiately, but that was unrealistic.
Given that even my exp was being adjusted, it seed difficult to increase my skill level instantly.
All I could do was to support and accommodate these guys who had staked their futures on this as much as I could.
In any way possible.
Speaking of which, I decided to check with Choi Jeho first.
“There’s sothing I want to ask.”
“What is it?”
“I appreciate you guys stopping practice to help , but I feel like I am too much of a bother to you guys.”
“So?”
“What do I need to improve on first so that I can at least cause you less trouble?”
I sensed the four minors looking at from not far away.
I thought I had gotten used to belittling my own incompetence while working under Manager Nam.
But I had overlooked one fact.
This was the first ti I openly said, ‘Yes, I am the burden of this group.’
It was more embarrassing than I thought. It was an experience that filled with determination to practice hard.
I would rember this well and reflect on it every ti I tossed and turned in bed.
As I resolutely steeled myself, Choi Jeho asked back.
“What’s your intention in asking that?”
Oh, he responded more mildly than expected.
If it were Choi Jeho, I thought he’d say sothing like, ‘Even if I tell you, will you be able to fix it?’
I was already well aware of Choi Jeho’s blunt remarks.
In the idol world, where one wrong word could create a legion of anti-fans, Choi Jaeho’s blunt statents were perfect for making headlines.
He seed to be aware of this himself, as his speaking frequency on broadcasts noticeably decreased over the years.
Unfortunately, that just led to the common vicious cycle of attitude controversies.
Since he did his part well and was the older mber, there was probably no one who would call him out within the team.
In that sense, ‘What’s your intention in asking that?’ was quite a favorable response.
However, the expressions of Kang Kiyeon and Lee Cheonghyeon, who were now openly watching , did not look good. It seed they thought Choi Jeho’s question could co across as confrontational to .
‘They probably interpreted it as him subtly criticizing for feeling out of place after joining late.’
Language was quite a mysterious thing. The sa words could convey countless interpretations depending on the context or non-verbal cues.
If I had heard those words in an exhausted state with frayed nerves from overnight work, I might have flared up thinking ‘Are you still dissatisfied even though I’m lowering myself?’
Perhaps because he wasn’t the leader yet, even Jeong Seongbin seed to hold back his words.
This annoying seniority system, I should probably break it down soon.
But if he was going to be an idol, it wouldn’t hurt to be careful with the nuances of language.
So I decided to rephrase Choi Jeho’s question in the way he ‘probably’ ant to say it.
“You’re asking if there’s a reason I feel like a burden?”
“…? Yeah.”
I knew it. This guy might speak harshly, but he didn’t seem like a bad person.
After a brief silence, Choi Jeho looked up at . It seed he had just noticed the strange atmosphere around us.
“Not that there’s a reason per se… I was just thinking to myself after hearing about the monthly evaluation.”
“…”
“Everyone has prepared longer than , and you want to do well, but your practice ti gets interrupted because you’re teaching . I thought it might be a nuisance to you.”
“It’s natural to keep making mistakes. How long have you been a trainee?”
“Still, it’s disruptive.”
“If a few interruptions ruin soone’s form, that’s on them.”
It was a harsh yet unexpectedly kind feedback.
With the conversation heading this way, the other mbers couldn’t say anything even if they had complaints.
It couldn’t be helped.
I decided to neatly repackage the words of the genius Choi Jeho, who behaved as if he didn’t care whether others sink or break their noses as long as his own condition was maintained.
“I understand your point. Thanks for being honest.”
Then Choi Jeho paused.
He had an expression that seed to say ‘Oops.’ Thankfully, he had so tact.
Choi Jeho furrowed his brow in thought for a bit before opening his mouth with difficulty.
“…Well, that’s just my opinion.”
The emphasis on ‘my’ was subtle but significant. It ant that Choi Jeho had no intention of dismissing other people’s opinions or pointing fingers at anyone.
I glanced around and saw Lee Cheonghyeon silently mouthing words of admiration.
Unlike Choi Jeho, Lee Cheonghyeon was very perceptive.
Just in case, I sent a signal to him to take over the baton, and Lee Cheonghyeon approached with a cheeky smile.
“Jeho hyung didn’t an anything bad by that, did he? I didn’t feel that way at all!”
He really took it. I’m grateful for your wit at this mont.
“I’m already overwhelmingly grateful that you’re sharing the room with , Jeho hyung. If not, I would have been the only one wetting my pillow every night in that Siberian-like room.”
“Isn’t that a jab at ?”
“Co on, you know I wouldn’t be able to say anything like this if I were genuinely upset with you. Isn’t that right, Jeho hyung?”
Then, Lee Cheonghyeon sent a heart gesture to Choi Jeho. A perfect idol move.
Lee Cheonghyeon continued while draping his arm over Kang Kiyeon’s shoulder.
“If there was anything bothering us, this guy would’ve complained first. Kiyeon’s practically our drill sergeant. Right?
“Take your arm off .”
“Isn’t Seongbin the drill sergeant? He’s always the one checking during breaks.”
“Seongbin hyung is more of an angel than a drill sergeant.”
That was true. Jeong Seongbin was nice.
“Still, everyone’s doing so well, so I can’t help but worry since I just jumped in.”
“How many trainees do you think were street-casted? If I worry about each one, I wouldn’t have ti for my own practice.”
“Cheonghyeon has a point there, hyung. You don’t need to worry too much.”
“I’m glad I am not being a bother.”
Now the only one in my mind was Park Joowoo, who hadn’t participated in the conversation.
I carefully asked for the opinion of the future main vocalist who would contribute his voice for the team’s lifeti.
“Joowoo?”
“…Yes?”
“Do you have any inconvenience because of ?”
I’m sorry, Park Joowoo.
I know you don’t really like conversing with strangers, but for your pleasant practice life and smooth debut, I ask for your cooperation…
“I’ve never felt that way.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And everyone knows you’re working hard…”
“Uh… Thanks for saying that.”
Such a tolerant group. It felt very unfamiliar.
‘So you’re saying you don’t plan to make a big issue out of it as long as I don’t disrupt the practice atmosphere.’
That was in line with the company’s policy of focusing on self-practice too.
The people here seed to have no intention of hassling , as long as I didn’t beco too lazy and lack discipline.
I just had to work hard?
Actually, that sounded perfect.
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