Chapter 195: rit
"You have to earn rit again to have strength."
The main reason why Qin An insisted on going back to deal with the matters with such a hurry even as everyone said that he needed to rest is because back when he lost consciousness, he dread again.
He talked with the Judge inside his dream about his situation right now. According to His Majesty, only through collecting rits again can he recover his strength slowly. Just like what he had always been in the past, to overco such difficult enemies, he has to guide souls and defeat dark elents to have rits.
For his situation right now, defeating dark elents is actually not that difficult. He has the ancient sword to help him even if his body is an ordinary human. And since he is the only grim reaper, the line of the souls that he had to guide is countless so there won’t be a problem. The only thing that he has to think about is to manage his ti and to go back to how he usually deals with his job.
He must not be swayed or think further again like what happened. One thing that brought him back to his high position in the past is because he was not like his other colleagues who are too sympathetic with their clients. He is decisive and never compromised with dead people who wanted wishes that are out of their bottom line in work.
But also by doing this... Qin An paused. He rembered Zhao Xiaopang and Bai Yue’s situation. Will he have to go back to the usual again and forget what happened to them?
Qin An once again felt a dilemma. He didn’t notice that soone went beside him and sat on his side. It was not until soone spoke that he ca back to his senses.
"Can I call you, Anan?" He was stunned when he heard Hou Nian’s request.
"I heard your friend nad Xing Ren once called you that." Hou Nian explains with a smile on her face. Qin An didn’t respond but she didn’t mind and brought the plate of snacks closer to the young man.
"I made these small snacks. Yanyan and A’Lou would often eat it."
Qin An looked down at the sweet snacks on the table for a second before he took it and bit down. Feeling the sweetness inside his mouth, he sowhat rembered the various emotions that he felt for the first ti when he beca a human.
The first thing that he felt when he was in the middle of the forest— the warmth from the ray of sunlight touching his skin, the beating of his heart and the fragility that he felt inside his bones that told him the vulnerability of a human not only because of their bodies but due to the complex emotions that they can feel.
He also rembered the conversation he had with He Li one ti.
’Humans are too complicated. Everyone has various reasons why they want to live— for themselves or for others, but they always unite for one thing. Peace.’
’There are so things that you will only understand if you can feel and experience them. Why don’t you try it?’
Experience it? What kind of experience does He Li actually talk about anyway? Does it require going back to be a grim reaper again to break the new life he had? What does he have to take in order to understand and know completely how to be a human?
"Is there sothing wrong?" He ca back to his senses when he heard Hou Nian. Qin An raised his eyes slightly and saw the dark clouds above her head. It was the resentnt that accumulated throughout the years that she served for the country. He’s sure that she definitely knew the consequences of her work but yet she continued. And she will definitely choose to continue it if it weren’t for her condition, right?
"You can tell if you don’t mind." Hou Nian said with a motherly worry on her face that Qin An is very unfamiliar with. He doesn’t understand the emotion in her eyes but it sohow felt a little tingle inside his heart.
It was such a foreign feeling that he couldn’t help but lower his eyes to look away from that sight.
Hou Nian didn’t mind his reaction and started speaking.
"Did Yanyan often bother you?" She changed the topic instead. "I knew that kid especially wants to cling around to his friends. He will always do that if he really likes it just like how he followed A’Lou around all day when they were a kid until now."
"... It’s okay." he answered after a mont.
Hou Nian’s smile widened. "Really? Then I’m glad. Thank you for taking care of him."
Qin An only nodded silently.
The two went silent for a while. In normal cases, Qin An wouldn’t mind it and this was even what he wanted, but for so unknown reasons today, he felt uncomfortable.
He seems agitated by the fact that he rejected her kindness earlier. It was definitely not sothing that he would think he’ll feel.
Such the first ti made him subconsciously frown a bit and glance sideways again at Hou Nian.
Yet unexpectedly, he t her eyes straight away.
"!!!" He flinched and turned his head again. He was speechless by himself. Why is he feeling this way for so reasons? Just because he didn’t say anything earlier? Then what to do?
Anyway, what’s the matter in telling her what’s going on anyway? Why don’t he just say it so his brain won’t think anymore just annoys him, right?
It doesn’t matter.
Qin An opened his lips and was about to say sothing when Hou Nian spoke first.
"I also want to say thank you again." She begins.
"... what for?"
"I heard that you’re attending A’Li’s condition. His pollution is way more serious than anyone and everyone is actually very anxious for him. His position as the Marshal always brought him to danger and he didn’t even think for himself." Hou Nian told him with a worry on her face.
"Actually, aren’t you two the sa in this way?" Hou Nian chuckles a bit. "Both of you are terrible at listening to others."
"..." Qin An didn’t know how to answer that.
"But then, I also knew that what you two are doing is for everyone." Qin An’s body stiffened when she suddenly reached out and held his hand.
"So I want to thank you for not only saving us but also A’Li."
"..." Qin An was silent and could only look at her hands.
This was the first ti that he held a woman’s hand. Unlike others, hers is much slender and soft. However, he could also feel the calluses on her hands not because of her age but due to the line of her work.
She was just like others who seed to always think about the world.
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