Watching Cheng Su cry so hard that she couldn’t catch her breath, Qi Taiguo felt waves of pain in his chest. He pulled her over to lean on his shoulder, holding her hand in silent comfort.
At this mont, any words of consolation seed futile; only by being by her side and demonstrating through action could he assure her that he was there, that she needn’t be afraid.
Cheng Su cried heartily for a while, then wiped her tears, even using his clothes to blow her nose. Only then did she feel a bit better.
Qi Taiguo chuckled, "Feeling better?"
Cheng Su nodded, breaking into a teary smile. This bout of crying had indeed made her feel considerably more at ease.
Once her mood settled, she continued, "I found myself, Little Cheng Su. In a previous life, I grew up in an orphanage. A kind-hearted person continually fostered , but I didn’t know who she was or where she ca from. Until this life..."
Cheng Su fell again into her strange loop and said, "I told the orphanage director that I wanted to foster Little Cheng Su. She didn’t even have a na, so I gave her one—it’s the na I chose for myself."
Qi Taiguo was stunned, and after a mont of thought responded, "You an you’ve found yourself and fostered yourself? Do you suspect that the person who fostered you in your previous life was actually you?"
Cheng Su nodded, "That’s what I suspect, otherwise why would it be this way? If it’s like this, then how did I co to be? Taiguo, I now feel like I’m a snake biting its own tail, endlessly cycling, unsure where the beginning is, where the ending is."
Qi Taiguo also felt a bit baffled.
"Also, if I am that foster parent, then why? Why did I commit suicide, why did I pull myself down the stairs?" Cheng Su posed another question.
Hearing the word suicide, Qi Taiguo’s face changed dramatically. He grabbed her hand suddenly and asked, "What are you saying? You committed suicide?"
Cheng Su looked at him and nodded.
"At the age of thirty-one, I—in this body—went to my hotel and jumped off." Cheng Su stated, "This body, in that year, had a noble status as a VVIP hotel guest. Our hotel is a star-rated hotel. Typically, guests of such caliber are either rich or powerful, yet I can’t understand why she was so troubled!"
Qi Taiguo’s expression changed several tis.
"I don’t even know if I’m the original madam who wanted to jump off or if I’m myself. I can’t distinguish whether I am her or she is !" Cheng Su’s eyes were filled with confusion and pain. She pleaded, "Taiguo, what should I do? Who am I really? Do I even exist, I..."
Qi Taiguo gently patted her and said, "Don’t worry, don’t overthink."
"I can’t help but think. I’m not certain. If I don’t exist, then soday I will disappear." Cheng Su’s eyes welled up with tears.
"Don’t talk like that. You’re here. How could you disappear?" His voice trembled slightly.
Why shouldn’t suddenly appearing be followed by sudden disappearing? The word suicide further upended his understanding.
He was a bit scared!
"I’m scared!" Cheng Su seed to hear his inner voice and held him tightly.
Is it Zhuangzi dreaming of a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming of Zhuangzi? Is all of this rely a real dream, after which, once awakened, everything will be overturned?
Cheng Su didn’t know.
Qi Taiguo didn’t know either.
They could only cling to each other, feeling each other’s warmth, each other’s presence.
Because, at least in this mont, they were truly together.
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