"We got trapped together."
She had said that. But it wasn’t her fault. Even if she had deliberately involved herself, the one who trapped him was Sienna. Cecilia was as much a victim of that situation as he was.
"I experinted on you. I forced a climax out of you."
She had said that. But it was the blunt, no-nuance wording of reality. The truth was they had to do it. The experint had been the only way to save them. To save their bodies, their minds, their reputations.
"Then I lured your sister and uncovered what you wanted to hide from the world."
She had said that. But Sienna had tried to harm her. Lured or not, the confrontation would have happened. And uncovering the truth was inevitable. Expected, even. Not to ntion she had promised not to spread it.
"I ddled in your family’s issues. I forced your father to do sothing about it."
She had said that. But his father was the one who had summoned her. He was the one who had dragged her north, into the heart of Dawnoro territory, and demanded answers.
All of this, all of her confessed "cris", weren’t the real basis of her guilt.
Arkai now realized she was apologizing for sothing else entirely.
For treating him as if it was already a fact that he was hers.
She had protected him. Helped him. Kept an eye on him. Fixed his problems.
Without his consent.
After slowly thinking over everything she had said, Arkai understood.
A little bit.
Now he had to understand why.
"Why..." The word ca out hesitant, uncertain. "Why do you treat like... a-as you said... like... like I’m already yours...?"
They had stopped near a railing overlooking the lower-lying section of the city. The view spread before them. Rooftops, distant spires, the warm colors of late afternoon on a fresh blanket of snow. But neither of them looked at it.
Cecilia straightened, her hands gripping the railing.
She could’ve repeated her words, "Because you are already mine in my mind." She could’ve also said. "Because I love you, and I know you love ."
But then he’d ask, "How?" And she would have no answer again.
So, instead, she said, "Well... It will be difficult to explain without you rembering things..."
"Rembering what?" Arkai pressed. "Do we have a history I don’t recall or sothing?"
Cecilia shook her head.
Because she was talking about a different world. The real world.
"Do you want to know?" Her voice was soft. "Really want to know?"
"Is that even a question?" Arkai’s incredulity bled through every word.
Cecilia stepped closer to him.
He almost stepped back. His stance faltered, his body betraying him, but he held his ground.
"Then... kiss ." Her eyes held his. "Tell everyone I’m yours. Claim ."
She paused.
"Tell you love ."
Arkai’s mind raced. "Then... then I’ll rember?"
Cecilia shook her head.
She was the one who had to make him rember. The tasks demanded it so they could return. But the last thing she had to do was to uncover his secret.
"It might help you rember..." she whispered, sad. A bit hopeful.
Perhaps uncovering his secret and making him rember, would hurt him even more.
Arkai felt helpless. This woman was nothing he could ever predict. Ever.
"Fine." The word ca out rough, resigned. "I’ll kiss you. I’ll tell you I... I-I love you." He swallowed hard. "But... tell ... why were you sad yesterday in the carriage?"
Cecilia’s eyes faltered.
He... he wanted to know...?
"You said you coaxed to have sex with you." Arkai’s voice was steadier now, pushing through the embarrassnt. "But at the ti, it felt like you needed it. Like you needed... air. Like you couldn’t breathe unless you... unless you..."
"Yes." Cecilia held his hesitating eyes. "Yes. I needed to hold you desperately yesterday. More than I needed breathing."
Arkai’s eyes dimd. His heart clenched again.
"Tell . Why?"
Cecilia didn’t have an answer.
If she told him about Rinne... without him rembering first... wouldn’t it hurt him beyond recovery? That a child would be conceived from all that ss, all that abuse? And exactly because she had prevented it now, that child would never exist?
"You said sothing about our child yesterday." Of course, he was sharp, he would rember what she said in passing. "You never say anything without reason. Do you... do you want a child...?"
The thought crashed through his mind. Could it be... was that why she had multiple n? Because she wanted a child? But weren’t they still too young for that?
Then he saw her nod.
And his eyes widened in shock.
"I want a child, Arkai." Her voice was quiet, honest. "A specific child. And... and I’m scared that no one can ever give that child to in this world."
Arkai’s mind spun.
So... he couldn’t give her that child either? And nor her two other boyfriends? Was that—was that—
His heart fell. An overwhelming sadness crashed down on him.
From Lazuardi’s words, he could understand that Cecilia was a special entity in this world. She had saved a boy who should have been sacrificed. She had done impossible things.
Perhaps... perhaps she had a circumstance where her body couldn’t conceive the child that must be conceived for a specific reason? Like saving the world?
Then... then her having more than one man made sense.
She was forced to do everything—
And she had tried to get close to him because—
She had chosen him—
He was one of the n she had selected to try—
anwhile, Cecilia had no idea what massively ridiculous misunderstanding she had just created in Arkai’s head.
"I’m sorry, Arkai." Her voice was soft, pained. "I can’t explain to you without—"
Without hurting you. She finished the thought silently.
But Arkai finished it in his own head too. Without telling you a complicated secret that would totally make sense because I want to save the world or sothing.
This man had successfully constructed a reality where she can do no wrong.
"But can I still have the kiss?" Cecilia blinked up at him, hopeful despite everything. "And the ’I love you’? And... and throw in so words that you love to everyone?"
Looking into those sea-glass eyes—
Who was Arkai to refuse?
Screw the Dawnoro line.
Let’s just be her breeding stud dog.
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