Becoming an Eminence in Shadow in the New World (DxD / StrikeTheBlood) Chapter 77: No Greater Sorrow Than a Dead Heart

"A job? Really, Cid-san?"

With both hands resting on the table, fingers interlaced as he supported his chin, Cid looked at Asia, who was glowing with excitent at the sudden offer, and smiled lightly.

"I never lie."

That statent itself was a lie.

"B-but I don't know how to do anything."

At first, Asia was thrilled by his answer, but she quickly cald down.

She understood very well that Cid was probably taking her in out of pity. Saying she would work for him was likely just a way to make it easier for her to accept his help.

She had co to repay the person who saved her life, yet now she was only becoming a burden to him.

Asia… when did you beco so shaless?

Thinking about it carefully, the idea of finding her savior in order to repay him had been absurd from the start.

What could she possibly do for him?

She didn't know.

Back then, it had just been a sudden impulse. Once the thought appeared, she imdiately acted on it. Over the past three months, she had never seriously considered this question, always telling herself she would figure it out after finding him.

But now that she had found him, she felt completely lost.

Power?

Even as a wandering nun that no faction was willing to take in, she still knew this much. Her savior, Shadow, was a world-class fugitive who had once stord the first joint conference of the three worlds, fought the Gods and the Three Primogenitors for hours, and was ultimately driven back after being severely injured.

His individual strength might not surpass the combined forces of the world's strongest, but he was still recognized as one of the top five fighters in the world.

Compared to soone like that, the power granted to her by her Sacred Gear was nothing but a joke.

Wisdom?

She knew herself well enough. If she truly had any wisdom, she wouldn't have done sothing as foolish as using a Sacred Gear to heal a Devil.

After all, a nun carrying a Sacred Gear who had been expelled from the Church was an incredibly valuable target. It was only because she had still been within Church territory and the news hadn't spread that she hadn't already been captured by so faction and turned into a research subject.

Money?

Leaving aside whether trying to use money to move the incarnation of the Lord would send her to Hell, she didn't have much to begin with. The money and antiques given to her by the Fallen Angels would be enough for her to live comfortably for years, but if she tried to use it to get soone to act for her, she would run out almost instantly.

Sacred Gear?

Using sothing created by the Lord to heal the Lord himself… wasn't that almost laughable?

In the end, the idea of repaying her savior was fundantally flawed.

She couldn't help him in any way.

If anything, she would only beco a burden.

When they t earlier, she had seen the look in Cid's eyes.

It was the look of soone who found her presence troubleso.

So what should she do?

Pretend not to notice his kindness and accept his help without hesitation?

Or lay everything bare and admit that she was completely useless to her savior?

The answer was obvious.

"I… I'm sorry…"

For the first ti, Asia clenched her hands tightly beneath the table. She had never realized saying a single sentence could be this difficult.

"Cid-san, I'm truly sorry for causing you trouble."

Her courage surged once, weakened the second ti, and now, on the third, it was completely gone.

The first ti was when she was cast out by the Church as a child for healing a Devil. Back then, she had managed to gather the courage to search for a way to keep living.

The second ti was when she was taken in by a Fallen Angel, only to realize he had only wanted her Sacred Gear. That ti, the thought of repaying her savior gave her sothing to hold onto. Like clinging to an illusion for comfort, it pushed her to keep going.

Now, after finally finding Cid, she had torn away the last layer of self-deception in her heart and shut herself out for the third ti.

And yet, this third ti had always been fragile to begin with, like sothing that only looked real but had no substance.

In the end, it was because she had too much ti to think.

If she had never found Cid, she would have stayed busy like she had been for the past three months. As ti passed, she might have eventually t soone who would accept her.

But there were no "what ifs."

She had already found Cid.

And that gave her just enough space to think.

To think about how she could repay him.

And in the end, she ca to a single conclusion.

She was useless to him.

She would only cause trouble.

At that mont, she fit perfectly the phrase "a heart gone cold."

Because she had torn away her own last bit of comfort.

Asia was a kind person.

And precisely because she was kind, once she realized her presence would only burden soone else, she would not shalessly choose to stay.

She would quietly accept it.

And leave.

Cid: ?

"Wait a second…"

Seeing Asia suddenly stand up, apologize, and prepare to leave, Cid froze. For a mont, he thought he had done sothing to upset her.

But then her expression and the way she carried herself made him realize sothing was wrong.

He didn't know much about psychology, but this state felt familiar.

He had seen it before on Alpha, back when he defeated her during the counterfeit currency incident.

Actually, he had seen similar looks on so of the Seven Shadows as well. He just rembered Alpha more clearly because that mont had left such a strong impression on him.

"Cid-san, I've thought it through. I'm really sorry for bothering you today. I know you only offered to take in because you felt sorry for , but I understand now. If I stay, I'll only cause you trouble. I won't bother you anymore. You're a good person. I shouldn't put you through this."

…?

What exactly did you imagine to arrive at that conclusion?

Why am I suddenly getting labeled as a "good person"?

Forget that. More importantly, how do I talk her out of this?

Fortunately, he had picked up a few tricks from ani.

"You're being a bit arrogant, Asia."

"Cid-san?"

Faced with her confusion, Cid let out a soft laugh and shook his head.

"Who told you that you have no value, Asia?

In life, overestimating yourself and thinking you're capable of anything is arrogance. But underestimating yourself and thinking you're insignificant is also arrogance.

What right do you have to decide how others see you?

If you don't ask them directly, how would you know how important you are to them?"