Living in a fantasy world gives a man - er, Dwarf - a lot of options. Should I work on learning more magic with Richter? Should I ask Balin to take into the dungeon? Should I start trying to revolutionize gnomish tinkering with futuristic knowledge? Should I take up an axe and learn how to fight in case I’m ever attacked by monsters again?
All the options ant I was in danger of losing the plot. A plot whereby I was an interdinsional traveler Chosen from his own plane and placed in a different world by an omnipotent being with a quest to save beer.
There were seven other souls trying to do the sa thing, just for different Gods for different purposes, and all of them had access to more information and deific intervention than I did. The Chosen were competing to see who could inflict the most change on the world, and thereby earn a wish.
I paused in midstep. Was… was Barck actually omnipotent? My ti with him had revealed a larger-than-life personality with near-infinite power, but not really omnipotent. He couldn’t create anything that hadn’t been created yet, and seed to be sowhat rules-limited in how he was allowed to interact with the world.
Ah well, a thought for another ti. I resud my walk through the Central Square of the Grand Market, and ducked into a small shop. Silks and other fine cloth adorned the walls, and a well-dressed Gnoss perked up as I entered.
“Hello, dear custor –” She began.
“Sorry, just passin’ through eh.” I said, and continued out the back wall. The pop-up shops in the Central Square were mostly made with sticks and cloth for walls, or carriages, or stacked pallets and boxes of wood. That made it easy to duck in and around and through the various stalls. As I walked between two fairly large wooden carriages, one decked out in sausage, and the other in fish, I donned a blonde false beard and a balaclava.
It wasn’t guaranteed that Malt would send soone to follow , but it’s what I would have done if a business rival announced they were going to an important eting. The old Guild Master Browning was a bit too up his own beard to do so, but Malt struck as smart enough to consider corporate espionage.
That was a problem, because my next eting needed to be extra secret. Now fully disguised, I stepped out from between the two wagons. I paused at a small kiosk selling books - naly non-fiction and history books - and watched carefully. No pursuers stood out, so either I was being paranoid for no good reason or I’d properly lost them. Either way, it was ti to go. The Cathedral of the Gods sat a close distance away, and I could see my quarry standing on the steps impatiently tapping her foot.
She was dressed similarly to , with a scarf, hood, and loose baggy clothing. Whereas I wore a mining helt, she wore a small gnomish style beanie. Her pink hair was done up in a bun and tucked inside it. If I wasn’t looking for her, I probably wouldn’t have recognized her.
I took a deep breath; it was ti to see if we would be friends, or dire enemies. I walked up the steps towards her and coughed to catch her attention, lowering my voice as I did so.
“Hey there, Delilah.“
She whipped around to stare up and down, looking for a mont like she might bolt. A trio of dwarves walked past her on the steps, and she relaxed - soone would need to be an idiot to do anything untoward on the steps of the Cathedral of the Gods. A pair of mithril-plated guards stood a re dozen paces away and they could probably move faster than the average Dwarf could think.
“Are you the one that sent this letter?” She asked, holding it up. I glanced at the small piece of white note-paper; it was indeed the letter I'd sent through her fan-mail a few days ago.
Hey there, Delilah
Roses are red, violets are blue,
This is a poem that I wrote for you.
At Midday Miday,
On the Stairway to Heaven,
Waits another world.
Sincerely,
Your Bud, Weiser.
I was quite proud of that little bit of subterfuge. A good number of Earth references that would be indecipherable to anyone from Erd, and a haiku just to drive the ssage ho. I nodded.
She started to speak, and her voice caught in her throat.
“Are - Are you Budweiser?” She began, her voice cracking.
“I’m more of a Guinness man,” I replied, faux offended.
And then the pop-princess of Minnova, looking for all the world like a run-of the-mill Gnoss, fell into my surprised arms and began crying in wracking sobs.
—
Half an hour later we sat in Joejam’s Cafe, and Berry - as she’d asked to call her - was finally no longer crying. We still wore our disguises, and I swore gently under my breath as the bloody fake beard drooped into my mug for the umpteenth ti. I’d told her to call ‘Pete’, and I don’t think she’d realized who I was yet. A good thing, probably.
“It’s just been so hard, y’know?” She whimpered, then took a gulp of espresso.
The scent in Joejam’s was heavenly to any coffee aficionado. The proprietor, a bespectacled Gno with a blond goatee nad Joejam, had bags of coffee piled behind the counter alongside pots filled with tea leaves. The enormous brass and copper contraptions that he used to make the coffee puttered and popped and burbled rrily as they turned the golden roasted beans into the best damn coffee I’d ever had. And that included Tim Hortons coffee - which wasn’t all it was really cracked up to be, honestly.
“I admit I had a rough ti the first few months.” I acknowledged.
“I didn’t know anybody, I didn’t really have any friends when I arrived, and my 'original' self was pretty much a recluse at Archis Academy. I… I hated it, it was so lonely.” She finished the last in an angry whisper.
“You’ve done pretty well for yourself regardless,” I said. “How long have you been here?”
Berry nestled back in her chair. “About two years. You?”
“Sa.” I nodded.
“Where didja co from, Pete?” Berry’s voice, when she wasn’t crying, kind of reminded of a chipper New-Jersey accent. It was definitely quite different from the sowhat British tones of most other Gnos.
“I was originally from the Okanagan, in BC Canada.” I stirred my mug thoughtfully, watching the cream spin in eddies.
“I was from East Orange, New Jersey,” Berry said, growing whistful. “I just finished my BA in music, and was in the middle of nailing down a recording deal. It was my dream.”
I winced. “Ouch, that’s rough.”
“I guess? Honestly, I think I’ve been way more successful here than I ever would have been back - back in my old crib.” She looked around for any listening ears. I did as well, but Joejam’s was pretty empty at the mont, with just Joejam, his two helpers, and a single Gno bent over study papers in a booth a good distance away.
We looked at each other and nodded. “How did you die? If you don’t mind asking?” I asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I was walking to the performing arts center, and then… poof! Here I was! It’s one of the reasons I’ve been pushing so hard. I… didn’t get to lead the life I wanted just as I was living it, y’know? What about you?”
“Cancer. I was nearly fifty though.” I shrugged. I’d co to terms with my death before I’d even died.
“Ouch, that’s rough.” She winced. “Kids?”
“One, but she was already headed to college.”
“You miss them?” She asked, then noticed my face. “Uh, sorry.”
I sighed. “No, it’s alright. I do miss them, but the pain's dulled. I have a great new family now.”
Tears sprang to Berry’s eyes again and she dabbed at them with a napkin. “I miss mine. My ma, sis… bro. I’m so damn hosick. Everyone down here has beards, and I’d kill for so ma's gumbo or MickeyDs or Jesus Christ, even so disco fries. Fuck, I miss deep-fried food.”
I flinched, I hadn’t heard soone use an Earth swear in… almost exactly two years. “What about your new… er, self?” I waved to indicate all of her. “Did you get a new na? Mine is essentially the sa.”
“The na’s pretty close, actually. My na was Raspberry before.” She blushed. “Ma thought it would be funny, a Raspberry from Orange. I always hated it. Now with the pink hair? It fits… The records at City Hall say my new Ma and Da both died in a monster attack a long ti ago, so I’m a ward of the state. At least I didn’t need to worry about tuition.” She chuckled darkly.
It sounded like I was doing a bit better in this world, emotionally at least. I had a loving brother and caring friends, a full family practically. It looked like Berry mostly had hangers-ons and groupies. That was… a rough place to be. I thought back to Michael Jackson, Kurt Kobain, and countless other music stars. They flew high and burned in the light of the sun.
I could do with changing the subject; this was clearly a sore point for her.
“How much do you know about… uh, the Ga?” I asked, hesitantly.
“Oh, the Big Guys’ Great Ga?” She nodded, pointing a finger upwards. “I heard about it. I already spoke to my sponsor.”
“Oh? too.” I nodded. “What did they tell you? We can compare notes, and not just musically!” Really, I was angling to find out who her sponsor was. That was useful information.
“God, you really were a dad. My sponsor didn’t tell much, just that I was competing. He said that anything he could tell would hurt my growth, and I should just do what I was doing. He gave so bougie magic tools, but that was it."
I grumbled. “Mine said much the sa, but I didn’t get any cool stuff. He also revealed that he owns my soul, so you may want to check up on that.”
Berry nodded. “Oh, I got mine back already.”
“Scuse ?” My vision was arrested.
“Yeah, he said that 'any nascent control over my erstwhile spirit would negatively impact my creativity'.” She made finger quotes as she spoke.
My first thought was that sounded suspiciously like what a God of Knowledge would say. My second thought was -
“You got yours back for free!? That sunnovanannygoat! By Aaron’s Freckled Arse, the next ti I see ‘im I’m gonna twist his beard until it takes him a millennium to detangle!"
Berry tittered. “What? You’ve really gone full native, haven’t you?”
I paused mid-rant; I already knew Barck was a jerk so this news wasn’t really news. “You haven’t? Didn’t you get the [Otherworlder] Ability?”
“Yeaaaah, but I dropped that shit into my first Specialization.”
I blinked. “Did you not get quests? Why did you give it up?”
Berry sipped the last dregs of her coffee and nodded. “I hated the quests. It felt like I was like, being creeped on, what with all those little pop-ups, y’know?”
“Has your progression slowed down?” I frowned. [Otherworlder] had been the single best Ability I’d had, and I’d gone out of my way not to lose it when I Specialized. I now had [Minimap], which combined [Otherworlder] with a customizable 20 tre radar. It single-handedly turned my existence on Erd into the world's greatest VRMMO.
“Sure, but whatevs, I have hundreds of years to make it up. If I'm not out of here first.” Berry waved it off and went up to go get another drink.
I watched as she ordered and waited at the counter for her next coffee. Her decision was… naive. But then she didn’t have close friends to help guide her into smart Erdly decisions. If it wasn’t for Balin I likely would have taken [Chosen Alchemist] with its amazing infinite ingredient cheat. She’d probably made the exact opposite decision.
Berry ca back to the table with - what else - a raspberry shortcake. My stomach rumbled as I stared at it. Joejam’s cafe mostly served Gnos, so ninety percent of his stuff used wheat.
“What’s yer Title?” I asked.
“I started out as a [Herald] and now I’m a [Chosen Soul-Singer],” she said, then frowned. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you that…”
I shrugged. “I’m an [Otherworldly Brewer]. I only tell people the last part though. I'm working for a local brewery, actually.”
“Hah! I don't tell people the Chosen bit either!!” She really did have a nice laugh, it was bright and rry without being too high-pitched. “Hey hey, you managed to get into a brewery, aren’t they like, controlled or sothing? I an, I knew you were working in Minnova, but I always figured you were that Whistlemop guy. Wait, a [Brewer]… with the na Pete…”
She stared at more closely, then her eyes widened.
“You! Youuuuuu!!!” She stood up then sat imdiately back down as the attention of the cafe turned towards us. She made throttling motions with her tiny gnomish hands. “You’re the butter bastard!” She hissed.
I waved my hands placatingly. “Now that was entirely not my fault. I needed to win that competition to save my new ho. We didn’t know each other at the ti, and besides, you blew out my eardrums first.” And all’s fair in love and war - I carefully didn’t say.
*Bing!*
New Quest: All’s Fair in Love and War 1/7
You’ve discovered your first other Chosen, now sabotage them!
Chosen Sabotaged: 0/1
Rewards: [Karmic Reversal 1]
Do you accept?
Yes / No
Not now, Barck. I have a conversation to salvage. Gods, I hope nobody gets that Quest aid at !
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