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Now reading: Book 4, Chapter 62: Wish I Could Quit You from Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale, a Fantasy novel by Jollyjupiter.

Of course, I still was an ambassador. I couldn’t just up and leave just because I felt like it. I had to make plans and get permission.

Or quit.

Stop 1: The Goldstone Clan Compound

“No. You can’t quit.” Annie said, as she contemplated across her desk. “But you have been wanting to go on a vacation,”

“Pleeaaassee Annie?” I begged. “It’s Grandia! I’ve heard so much about it! The free city of adventurers! The birthplace of the legendary Master of lee! They have gin and whiskey! And long sandy beaches that don’t have shalesharks!”

“Let ‘im go,” Jeremiah said from the table in the corner where he was reading docunts. “Get ‘im out of yer hair for a few days at least.”

“Thanks Jeremiah!” I waved, and he grunted back.

Annie put down her own paperwork and slumped back into her chair. “The Herders are just about fully trained on our equipnt and thods. Beer production is ramped up, and we have enough servers to fully open the entirety of the pub. And there’s always the beaven if we need more. Between , da, and all the automation, I guess you’re right that we don’t really need you handling the brewing anymore.”

I felt a slight twinge at that. But at the sa ti, I was happy that there were so many new bright futures in brewing.

Jeremiah interjected. “Also, the Adventurer’s Guild is breathing down our neck. After Brightstar reported the death of the first boss and discovery of the Teleportation point, our mandated first entry ti is over. We’ve got about one week before we’re required ta open up to adventurers, after which we’ll start accruing fines.”

Annie sighed. “Their counter takes up so much of the bar space.”

I rolled my eyes. “Our bar is over a hundred ters long. It’s fine. And just think of the business we’ll get if we open a door in Grandia!”

Annie considered. “Which door will we close, then? We have one here, and one in Kinshasa. And you’ve been keeping one for your personal use and in case of ergencies.”

“Mmm… I have [Dungeonwalk] now, so I don’t really need the third door. I can even take people with in case of ergencies.”

“But what if you need to, say, evacuate an entire ballroom again?” Annie murmured. “And have you tested that Ability yet?”

I shivered at the thought of my delayed first trip through ‘hell’. “Not yet. I’ll get on it. I was thinking of traveling back to Minnova and saying hello to old friends. I was technically at the entrance to Greentree once, so it should work.”

“Mmm…” Annie looked up and down. “And the beastfolk? Do you trust them?”

I laughed darkly. “Hardly. But they seem genuine in their plea for help. And who am I to turn down soone begging to learn the craft, even if their reasoning is a little different from normal.”

“You won’t go alone.” She said, more as a statent than a question.

“No.” I shook my head. “Balin said he’d be happy ta co, and Brightstar too. They’ll be spending most of their ti in Cascadia anyway, so as long as we open a door in Grandia they don’t mind.”

I hesitated a mont before continuing. “Valarienne said he needs to make a quick stop in Hive dungeon, then he’s heading back East to check in with the Trolls of the Erald Coast Dungeon. He’s heard so concerning rumours. I may follow him later to et so of the trolls, maybe make so more allies.”

Annie sighed. “You’re planning to beco a one dwarf Monster army?”

I shrugged. “Just a small one. And it’ll be up to them anyways.”

“Whatever. It’s your Ability. Anything else?”

“I plan on asking Berry and Joseph and Mirelda to co too.”

Now Annie frowned. “Why?”

I pulled on my beard while I tried to think about how to put it. “Our world had so very strong thoughts about slavery. When Berry and Mirelda hear what I’m doing, they’ll want to co too, and Joseph’s attached to Berry at the hip right now. I’ll feel much better having Berry and Joseph there, since Joseph’s got a good sense for trouble, and Berry’s well… Berry.”

Annie’s frown turned into a smirk. “And why Mirelda?”

I resolutely didn’t look at my toes. “Long walks on the beach? She said she likes to travel too.”

“Uh, huh. Get permission from Duke Schist, Mr. Kingdom Asset, and we’ll decide then.

Stop 2: The Bowels of Kinshasa City Hall

“You can’t quit,” The Duke said, escorting out of his office. “But I’ll send word to Grandia. In fact, they just contacted saying they wanted access to Cascadia. You may have so leverage there if you play your gems right. Now go away, I’m busy, you can’t just waltz in here unannounced; I’m a Duke.”

I dug my heels in, but it wasn’t enough to keep from slowly sliding along the polished granite floor with a faint squealing sound.

“And my new Specialisation?”

“Enviable. Neither Blessing is unique on its own, though walking through tha Nether is a rather… unique take on [Basic Teleportation]. It’s not going to cause any problems.”

“And the beaven?”

He stopped pushing across the floor and hung his head with a sigh.

“We’re finally fully integrating the gnos into our laws and structures of power, and you want to add monsters to the mix.” His tone was plaintive and long suffering.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on . Report any occurrences.

“Hey. It’s not my fault! Bla Yearn!”

“Oh? I thought you were one of hers now.” While I spluttered, Schist pointed to a pile of paperwork sitting on his desk. “I appreciated the warning earlier, and we’ll keep an eye out for this Valarienne, but you were a bit late to the wicket. Those are all reports from Kinshasa University. They managed to get a [Socialite] Specialized in communication to talk to one of the kobolds a couple weeks ago. There’s currently a firestorm at the University over it.”

“Then – “ I began.

“And the papers beside those,” he interrupted, “are requests for aid from several of the Eastern Kingdoms and City States concerning troll attacks on the ocean trade routes. And next to those are reports of dragons being sighted over South Erden for the first ti in several thousand years. And that doesn’t even count all the chatter about the Orcs.”

I felt a weight co off my shoulders. “Then you’re already on it!”

“I am absolutely not on it, but I am trying. Or I would be IF YOU LET GET BACK TO WORK!”

Stop 3: Tea at the Briar Rose Cafe

“Repeat after , Jo. Slavery is bad,” Berry said with the patience of a saint and the iron of a monarch.

“Slavery is bad…” Joseph muttered after a short pause.

“It’s not right to own other people,” Mirelda continued, her and Berry sitting on either side of the elf.

“It’s not right to own other people,” Joseph finished, looking extrely uncomfortable.

“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Berry asked, patting Joseph on the knee. “We’ll be happy to help, Pete.”

“But what about ti-limited debt slavery? It’s one of the most fair – “ Joseph began protesting, then snapped his mouth shut at Berry’s glare. He rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. “Fine! Fine. I can admit that I’m behind the tis on certain things. And it’s banned in Awedinand anyway.”

“And wouldn’t a vacation be lovely?” Mirelda said, brightly.

“Especially for you, honey,” Berry gave Mirelda a compassionate look. “You’ve had a rough go of it. This may be a chance for you to get back at those fuckers!”

“It hasn’t been so bad since I t Pete and you all,” Mirelda replied bashfully.

“Uh-huh.” Berry said. She reached out and took Joseph’s hand.

“We’ll need to get permission from King Elijah, but I can’t imagine it’ll be difficult,” Joseph said thoughtfully. “What do you plan to do?” He reached out to grab one of the pink frosted cupcakes that were the special of the week.

I spoke up. “Kirk said he’d be happy to show us around Grandia. I’ll have work to do with the beastfolk, but I should have a little personal ti.”

“Speaking of which, this could be a good opportunity for you too, Mirelda,” Joseph said. “Your book has been selling exceptionally well among human won. And I’ve been wanting to infiltrate the Greybough Consortium’s roots into Grandia. A personal touch might be what’s needed. You said Kirk has so contacts amongst the privateers?”

“Explorers,” I corrected.

“Sure,” Joseph smiled sweetly. “And I’ll be happy to take care of negotiations about the door to Cascadia, Pete. I’m pretty sure I can get a real sweetheart deal. I’ll send a contract for you to look over later.”

Berry rolled her eyes. “Please don’t turn this into a work trip! How can you think about going on vacation and still want to work?”

The three old folks in the room all laughed.

Stop 4: Hell?

“Ooookay. Let’s do this. Are ya sure you want to co with , Balin?” I felt cold sweat bead on my forehead.

“I’m not leavin’ brother ta go into the Nether all on his loneso!” Balin declared, but I could see him sweating too. If his impressive handlebar moustache could droop, it would. But he had a great new brand of wax that made it extra springy at all tis.

“We’re just gonna go to Greentree, say hi to the pro-drinking crew, make sure Rumbob made it back safe, and then co back tomorrow. A nice little break before we head to Grandia,” I said, trying to distract him – or .

“But where in Greentree do ya think it’ll dump us?”

I bit my lip. That was the big question, wasn’t it? “It should drop us right outside. If not, I’ll open the door to Cascadia, and we can bravely run away.”

“Yer givin’ Yearn too much credit. What if it dumps us right on a boss. Aren’t you a competitor in that whatever ga?”

“I don’t think she’s allowed to do that. And I've always got Deathbringer if we need him. Now co on, let’s boldly go where no dwarf has gone before!”

“Pretty sure at least one dwarf has gone inta tha Nether before.”

“Why do you all insist on ruinin’ things fer !?”

“Whuzzat?”

“[Dungeonwalk]!”

“Wait! I’m not ready!”

But it was too late. With a sound not unlike that of a suction cup being removed from a hot car window, we were sucked away from reality.

The Nether was… well, its apocryphal description was the place where everything was Nothing, where all the fundantal forces of the Universe t and expanded out into reality. An endless void of energy and entropy all at once.

What it looked like, was quite literally nothing. It was just dark.

At least I could see myself. And Balin. We were both covered in a translucent glowing aura. And I could feel sothing solid under my feet, though there was nothing visible. I considered what it would be like in here if I couldn’t see and feel myself, and shivered. That would’ve been a horror show.

“Yer glowin’.” Balin remarked, looking around. “Ya look like a dwarf shaped solstone.”

“Says Balin of Goldenlight!”

“Bah.”

I looked around. The only other thing visible were three bright lights far off in the distance, each flickering across the spectrum. As I stared at each in turn, I could feel that one light was Greentree, one was Deepcore, and the last was Cascadia. Good, I’d been worried that Cascadia wouldn’t count, so that was one concern gone. “I’ll need to step into Anima Dungeon before we leave,” I mused.

I focused on the Greentree light, and a spectral road began to creep forward ahead of us, leading towards the distant star.

“Well. The Ability says we’ve got an hour walk ahead of us. And [Long Stride] isn't going to help, so let’s get movin’.” I began walking along the translucent road floating in nothingness, and tried not to imagine that the yawning darkness beneath was an infinite drop.

“Argh. That’s gonna be a long walk in armor!” Balin groused, falling into step behind . Original content can be found at NoveI★Fire

“Ya big baby,” I jibed. “Just take it off”

“Goat botherer,” Balin snapped back.

“May yer beard be full o’ dandruff.”

“May yer Sacred Brew be ever warm.”

“Annie likes black beards more than brown.”

“You take that back!”

“Make !”

“Grrr! If you weren’t brother!”

[Dungeonwalk] did indeed drop us at the entrance to Greentree, where we easily ran out past the confused guards and back into the city.

And all it cost was two black eyes and three contusions, nothing [Regeneration] couldn’t handle.

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