Sun Wukong materialized in the gods’ shared realm of Influence.
That alone took Wepwawet by surprise when he and Ishtar manifested there to discuss the situation. The followers of Axomamma, Ganesha, and Horus had all evacuated Salamandra by now, but the Monkey King had left his naga ambassador within the city’s walls. This could only an he was invested in the battle’s outco.
If he had co as a foe…
“Took a while, but I’m finally here!” Sun Wukong raised two thumbs up in triumph. “I can’t believe you all started a brawl without ! In stone monkey culture, that is considered a banana move!”
“Which side are you on?!” Ishtar imdiately snapped at him, cutting through all subtlety and mind gas.
The Monkey King smirked ear to ear. “Mine!”
Wepwawet struggled against the urge to facepalm while Ishtar closed her eyes in annoyance. Both had expected a similar answer from one of the two class clowns.
“Please don’t tell …” Wepwawet said, a terrible possibility forming in his mind. “That you brought a giant statue of yourself to Lavaland all the way from Kathay just so you could spar with my Divine Avatar?!”
“Of course I did!” Sun Wukong replied without any sha. “You challenged us to topple you, rember!”
I knew it, Wepwawet thought, his divine spirit brimming with annoyance. Battle junkies are just the worst.
“But the contest is over,” Ishtar pointed out. “You’re late.”
“Hey, we don’t all have Miracles that let us summon up giant bulls with the snap of your hand!” Sun Wukong responded with indignation. “I had my Buddha Zodiac Protector co as quickly as I could, thank you very much… plus I told you I don’t care about the prize.”
A gleam of hope shone in Ishtar’s gaze as she imdiately saw an opportunity. “So you’re not on Epona’s side?”
“Oh, she’s the one besieging you right now?” Sun Wukong stroked his beard. “Sore loser much? I can relate.”
“My Divine Avatar is spent until tomorrow,” Wepwawet said. Revealing that weakness might prove a mistake, but he didn’t think Sun Wukong would be the kind to dishonorably exploit it. “I would gladly spar with you then… if I’m still in a position to do so.”
“Let guess, you want to help you fend off your attackers until tomorrow so I can get a proper fight? You silly wolf trickster, how clever to use my desire for a challenge for your own benefit!” Sun Wukong chuckled. “You think I’m that naive?”
Ishtar glared at him. “How much do you want, Sun?”
“And now she thinks I’m for sale. I’ll show you how money is best used.” Sun Wukong snapped his fingers and materialized a gold coin in his hand, showing his face on one side. “I’m going to flip this coin, and if it lands on heads, I’ll assist you. If it’s tail, I’ll go over to Epona.”
“This is a joke,” Wepwawet said in disbelief while Ishtar struggled to form words in the face of such moxie. This had to be a joke, but he would expect anything coming from the Monkey King. “You’re going to wager the fate of thousands of people—of an entire country—on a coin flip?!”
“Co on, it’ll be fun!” Sun Wukong grinned, the little troll clearly delighting in his fellow deities’ disbelief. “One, two, three!”
If Wepwawet had the ability to breathe, he would have held it to the point of pain the mont Sun Wukong flipped the coin in the air. He and Ishtar looked at its sides as it switched between a monkey’s face and a literal tail as it rose and fell into the Monkey King’s palm. Sun Wukong closed it for a mont, grinning at the tension spreading across their shared Influences, and then unveiled the result.
A face.
“Why that look of relief?” Sun Wukong asked upon flipping the coin again. The tails side had polymorphed into a new picture. “That coin has a face on each side.”
And said face showed Sun Wukong laughing at the viewer like the evil little gremlin he truly was.
Wepwawet saw red at the joke. “Why you little–”
“Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist.” Sun Wukong snapped the coin out of existence. “Did you really think I would be so immature as to decide the outco of a war on a coin toss? Unlike you guys, I’ve been a mortal before I fought my way up.”
“So you’re going to fight for us?” Ishtar pushed.
“No, of course not.”
Wepwawet frowned upon calming down. “But you’re not going to fight for Epona either, are you?”
“I’m not going to kill mortals from either side,” Sun Wukong decided, his tone a lot more serious and down-to-earth than a few seconds earlier. “What I’m going to do is trample that teleporter, draw a ceasefire line in the earth, and swipe away anyone trying to cross it with my staff. I’m all for us sparring to sharpen our skills for the day we’ll fight the Titans, but this pointless battle is just that: pointless.”
“We didn’t start it,” Wepwawet replied. While he was glad at least one other god had his head on straight on his shoulders, it annoyed him that others thought he had contributed to starting this ss in any way.
“I know you didn’t, Wepy.” Sun Wukong looked at Ishtar. “I’m less sure about that self-proclaid demon queen next to you.”
“Aren’t you friends with demons yourself?” Ishtar replied with a snort. “Surely you should show the benefit of the doubt, too.”
“Should I?” Sun Wukong shrugged. “Anyway, I’m not going to kill misguided mortals in the Heavens’ na–any Heaven–so all I’ll do is help enforce a ceasefire. Take it or leave it.”
Wepwawet grumbled. Neither he nor Ishtar were in any position to refuse, and he actually welcod having a neutral god helping maintain the peace… as absurd as Sun Wukong sounded in the role.
“Just…” Wepwawet sighed. “Just don’t make a ss of it.”
“No promises!” Sun Wukong replied with a bellowing laugh. “You owe a spar, Wepy.”
Like any good trickster, he skipped town after delivering his punchline by breaking the Influence connection. Wepwawet and Ishtar exchanged a glance at this sudden turn of fortune.
“As much as his help will prove precious today,” Ishtar said with more nerve than usual, “I have the feeling we will both co to regret this.”
“Gee, you think?”
There were few things worse in existence than owing Sun Wukong a favor.
Filou held on to Vaillant with all of his strength as his flying elephant trampled soldiers underfoot.
His noble steed trumpeted and rumbled onward in a wild charge ahead of the other flying elephant riders. Their tusks gored horses and n alike by the dozens, braving arrows and spears on their brave march towards the giant shining sword teleporting the Valentinian troops into Lavaland.
Filou felt completely out of his depth, but he was too far ahead to retreat and couldn’t afford to disappoint Lady Victoire.
Neigebleue Castle’s surprise appearance and the horses’ unfamiliarity with elephants—which seed to spook them—had thrown the enemy into enough disarray for Filou’s troop to pierce through the frontline. His group had shrunk to only five airborne pachyderm riders, with the rest having either perished or been repelled earlier, but they had finally reached the giant teleporting sword.
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The Valentinians had set up an improvised camp around the shining blade. A small group of logisticians and engineers were midway through dragging in a new trebuchet from Valentine through the portal under the direction of a wizened, bearded undead when Filou’s group fell upon them. Soldiers raised a wall of spears and shields to intercept them.
T-this is gonna hurt! Filou said as he mustered up all his courage and braced himself for impact. As much as the situation terrified him, he forced himself to put up a brave front for the sake of his troops. He couldn’t expect them to risk their lives while a Champion like him cowered like a leaf!
“Fear not, Filou, for I am with you!” Lord Wepwawet declared in the back of Filou’s mind.
“Behold, the Howl of Verglane!”
The wererabbit felt his god’s power course through his veins as he summoned up a ghastly wolf’s head above his own. The phantom beast let out a wail that froze most soldiers in place and sent the rest panicking. The undead leader alone remained unperturbed, but the path was now clear.
“O-Onwards!” Filou shouted, both for the sake of psyching himself up and encouraging his n. His brave Vaillant rumbled in response and charged straight at the trebuchet, tossing it to the side and scattering the Valentinians. Only the undead held his ground when faced with five elephants threatening to trample him. “N-no rcy!”
“For you,” the undead rasped back with a turn of his staff. Dark power surged from it and spread across the ground. Rows upon rows of bony spikes arose from the earth in the spell’s wake.
Filou tried to pull on Vaillant’s reins before impact, but his mount’s montum proved too great. His flying elephant tripped on a spike and then fell headfirst onto a row of them that dug their way into his stomach. Filou was flung off him by the crash and landed at the undead’s feet, while his fellow elephant riders’ mounts soon suffered the sa fate. Surviving Valentinian soldiers who had been out of the Howl of Verglane’s range imdiately moved to surround them with spears, swords, and shields.
“Vaillant!” Filou called out to his steed, who dissipated back into the mana that Lord Wepwawet had shaped him from alongside the other flying elephants. The wererabbit squire surged with anger at his mount’s killer, his fear burned away by fury. “You’ll pay for that, warlock!”
“What an interesting creature you are,” the undead replied with curiosity. “I do not recall ever encountering your kind before… How fascinating. Does your kind prefer to eat carrots over leaves like southern rabbits?”
“A-are you trying to make small talk in the middle of battle?” Filou asked, his hands clenching on his scimitar’s handle. The casual tone the undead used—that of a sightseeing traveler interrogating locals—angered him to his core. “Is this a ga to you?”
“I wouldn’t call it a ga,” the undead replied with a dismissive shrug. “More like a happy distraction–”
Filou saw red and closed the gap between them in a single leap.
His sudden burst of speed took him and the undead aback, with the warlock failing to parry the attack with his staff in ti. Filou’s sword cut through his robes and reached all the way to the ribs beneath, cutting a few and nearly severing the spine while at it. His example encouraged his fellow werelings to strike back and clash blades with the Valentinians.
Lady Victoire once told Filou that all mages, no matter how powerful, were vulnerable to close-ranged assassins. However mighty this undead wizard might have been, he soon found himself reduced to stepping back and raising his staff as an improvised defense against Filou’s flurry of blows. The wererabbit would have continued until he skewered the evil heartless bastard on the tip of his sword… had Filou’s ears not picked up the sound of a blade whistling through the air.
Filou barely managed to step back at the last mont and dodge a flying dagger thrown at him. His head turned to its source, an old man in wizard's clothes levitating across the battlefield to their location.
lchior the Mage.
“Margrave Boltro,” the Valentinian warlock told the undead upon landing on the ground. “I did not expect to see you, considering your troops’ lackluster performance today.”
“Lady Hel ordered us to evacuate,” the bearded undead rasped back as he pointed his staff towards the northwest. “You would be wise to do the sa.”
lchior glanced towards where his ally pointed and grunted in annoyance. Filou briefly peeked to glance that way and nearly choked in surprise.
A colossal stone monkey statue nearly as tall as his God’s Idol was trampling his way across Salamandra’s outskirts. His imnse simian feet sohow avoided any gathering of soldiers from either side, but his staff gently swept across the battlefield like a broom, forcing troops away from each other. The wide, playful grin of eagerness plastered over his face sent shivers down Filou’s spine.
Nonetheless, the colossus appeared to make an effort to put an end to the fighting and walked towards the teleporting sword portal rather than Salamandra. Moreover, Milady and her dragon were flying straight for Filou’s location, with barely a few pegasus riders left to slow them down.
“The monkey’s on our side… for now,” Lord Wepwawet reassured Filou. “The battle’s tide is turning.”
Filou’s heart fluttered with pride as he turned to his blade at lchior. “Lord Wepwawet’s ally is marching upon you, villain!” he declared, both to reassure his remaining troops and demoralize his enemies. The words flowed out of his mouth on their own. “O-our monkey friend will pluck your vile sword from the ground any minute now and strand you there! Leave this hallowed land here and now or suffer the consequences!”
His words struck a chord with the Valentinian soldiers. Many exchanged glances… and then bolted through the portal in panic. From the way they vanished in flashes of energy the mont they touched the blade, it worked both ways.
“Cowards!” lchior the Mage lambasted his troops before glaring at Filou. A glint of greed suddenly passed over his eyes while his eye stroked his beard. “Wait, I recognize you. You’re the princess’ faithful squire.”
“Milady is not a princess!” Filou protested. He had no idea how those awful rumors started, but they had brought nothing but dragons and distress upon his beloved ntor! He would not let anyone besmirch her na any further! “Milady’s skill has nothing to do with her blood!”
“True, but her blood still carries power. Alas, a drop alone won’t serve as a key to that which we covet.” The mage raised his hands, magic crackling between his fingers. A dozen floating knives materialized out of nowhere around them. “Still, I’m sure she will co quietly if we were to offer your life in return.”
Filou glared back at the foul villain. He would rather die with a sword in hand than be used as a weapon against Lady Victoire!
Then he heard sothing.
Filou’s sharp ears had picked up a familiar sound. A bizarre, rasping noise that unsettled him to his core, though he didn’t recall why. He quickly identified its source and readied his sword.
“What are you hiding under your hat, wizard?” Filou inquired with suspicion.
lchior answered with a laugh and then a volley of blades.
Filou quickly bolted around, deflecting the projectile with his burning scimitar while his fellow soldiers hid behind shields. Margrave Boltro imdiately used the opening to summon another thick wall of bony spikes to repel the remaining wereling troops, trapping him, Filou, and lchior on one side and everyone else on the other.
Filou gathered his breath and managed to suppress his nervousness. He had helped defend Narc from a monster a thousand tis his size and seen gods fight to the death. He couldn’t falter when facing these n, even enemy Champions.
Filou powered through and leaped at lchior with imnse speed. His sword cut only empty air, however, as the mage vanished and reappeared a few feet away in a show of teleportation magic. His hands unleashed a fireball at Filou, which he dodged, and then the wereling had to avoid another blast of fire.
I’m faster than them! Filou thought. Any hit might be fatal, but he had the advantage at close range. I can do this! I can do this!
Margrave Boltro attempted to flank Filou and strike him with a spell, but the wererabbit quickly leaped at him and kicked the undead straight in the face. His foot dislocated the wizard’s jaw before he could finish his incantation and sent him tumbling into the dirt. lchior assisted his ally by manifesting a constant stream of flying daggers aid straight at Filou, forcing the wererabbit to switch to a defensive stance. He deflected almost all the projectiles with his sword, though one or two slipped through and left cuts on his shoulder and cheek.
The constant onslaught of blades forced him back and provided an opening for Margrave Boltro to get back up. lchior’s attacks didn’t let up and kept pinned down in a stalemate. Filou tried to break out by deflecting so of the knives back at their sender and managed to do so by hitting one with the flattened side of his blade. The surprise counterattack took the mage aback, but he managed to teleport a few feet to the side before the projectile could hit him in the face.
Filou cursed whoever invented that teleportation spell, but this maneuver at least allowed him to break the stalemate. A roar soon echoed above in the sky, followed by a mighty fireball hitting the teleporting sword’s poml and lting part of its tal handle.
Filou’s heart fluttered in his chest when his lady and her dragon flew overhead. A group of colored pegasus riders briefly managed to repel her for a second with spears and arrows, then descended towards the sword to greet old lchior.
“Lord lchior!” a knight in yellow declared. “We must leave now! The enemy will be upon us in minutes!”
“Not without the princess!” lchior replied.
“Ah, the living,” Margraves Boltro complained upon crossing into the sword portal rather than continuing the fight. “Too stubborn by half.”
lchior clenched his jaw, but he was soon forced to realize the seriousness of his situation. Milady and her dragon were turning in the sky for a second bombardnt, and the remaining pegasus knights were nowhere near enough to retaliate. In the end, he was forced to concede.
“This is not over, werebeast,” he said. “Evacuate!”
The pegasus knights imdiately flew into the sword to teleport away, and lchior glared at Filou one last ti before floating away towards the teleporter to follow them. It seed he had to physically cross it to escape.
“I-I won’t let you get away!” Filou replied as he leaped after the mage before he could make his escape. He couldn’t allow this villain to escape and threaten his lady again in the future!
“Filou, don’t!” his god’s voice echoed in his head, but it was too late. Filou was already flying in the air with his sword drawn, his body fighting on pure instinct.
Filou managed to land on lchior’s shoulders and drove his sword into his pointy hat. His blade cut through the fabric and encountered resistance of so kind. A buzzing noise answered his attack, and then Filou saw them in the hole.
Antennae.
Two bleeding antennae perked up from inside the hat.
The mage fell into the light and dragged Filou with him.
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