Key wasn’t on their floor, as far as their maps said. No light pink dot, lingering in a corner. No pink to be seen, being dragged along by a Clarity mber. Nothing.
“Should we keep looking for him?” Zyrex asked after they had turned over a few of the closer rooms that held black dots—dead bodies—within them.
Emilia nudged a body with her toe, annoyed. She was glad Key wasn’t dead, but the lack of any sign of him—not to ntion the few living Clarity mbers they ca across being so buried within the hive mind that they couldn’t answer any question about where Ajarni or Key had gone—wasn’t exactly conducive to finding him. ⸂No. He knew the risks of not leaving when he could and would be upset if we wasted what ti we have left here looking for him.⸃
It was difficult to admit, but it was the truth. Key wanted a better world, and if that world ca at the expense of his life… it would suck, but better him dead and the world changed than him alive, wondering if his life had been at the cost of everyone else’s happiness.
Still, even as they all settled into the reality of potentially leaving the local boy to die, none of them—not even Gale, who had gotten to know Key over the few hours they had spent travelling together, largely running from Sk’lar—could resist occasionally poking their heads into a room filled with the dead.
None of the bodies they found turned out to be Key, only Clarity mbers who seed to have been fatally injured elsewhere, teleporting back to bedrooms in what they all assud was the heart of Clarity’s leadership, as much as a bunch of empty-headed vessels for the hive mind and pawns for Ajarni’s god—who V agreed was probably a desperate platform maintainer or raid designer, trying to salvage the situation in this raid—could be considered leadership, anyways.
⸂This raid really hasn’t been very enjoyable,⸃ he noted as they discussed the outside interference, cutting down a few of the still living Clarity mbers who were lingering in the area. ⸂If I hadn’t joined it because a friend asked a bunch of us to keep an eye out for the next raid set in their world, I would be pissed I’d wasted so much ti here—and I actually got to do things!⸃
⸂You said that before,⸃ Emilia noted, trying to think back to one of the early conversations she’d had with V. He had admitted he knew already knew so details about the raid, from before the raid began, and heavily implied that he’d determined which raid to join by hacking into the company that owned Ship o’ Stars—or perhaps even Hail itself. Given who she now knew the man to be… Emilia hadn’t actually realized the boy she’d known had been paying much attention when she’d given lectures on hacking. Either she really hadn’t known that boy well—perfectly possibly, unfortunately, given he’d always been one of the more standoffish and awkward mbers of the unit—or he’d found himself a proper teacher since then.
V huffed, and told Gale—who was sticking with them while Zyrex and Astra, who had struck up a fast friendship, searched through a nearby room, all of them looking for any sign of well… anything—that he had a friend who had been part of the last visitation. ⸂She was never able to let go of what happened then, or the ssed up world she left behind. It weighed on her, knowing that the descendants of people she loved lived in such a fucked up world. She would have co back herself, had she been able to. These sorts of raids, though… they run sowhat randomly. I only got the notification this one was running when it went live, about an hour before it started. Remy was—⸃
Emilia’s thoughts lurched to a stop at the na, only a, “⸂WHAT!?⸃” escaping her, startling both V and Gale to a stop.
⸂Why are you yelling?⸃ Gale asked with the calm of soone who had spent too much of the last few weeks in the company of people who were prone to scream randomly—Emilia and Caro, naly.
⸂Remy? You said Remy? You know Remy?⸃
⸂Yes?⸃ V asked, eyeing her up in confusion. ⸂I thought that would be obvious? I know I’m not really a famous raid hero—for what, I assu, are now obvious reasons—⸃ he added, because he totally knew that she knew who he actually was, and they’d just co to a point where they were teasing each other about it, ⸂but most of the powerhouses know each other at least in passing… why?⸃
Emilia leaned against him, groaning as Gale fake gagged behind them and wandered towards a bookcase, her fingers wandering over the thick spines of this world’s books as she waited for them to figure their shit out. Unfortunately, Emilia wasn’t really sure how to do that. The fact that Remy had a family here—and who would have thought Zach’s father was actually a girl?—wasn’t exactly Emilia’s secret to share, nor was the fact that she had mories she was ant to get to her any of V’s business. More than likely, he wouldn’t do anything with that information, but it still seed wrong to tell him, and instead, Emilia just asked that V try to put the two of them in touch, once they were back in the real world.
⸂Sure?⸃ V said, his tone still holding a note of question through it, although he didn’t push for her to tell him the why of it. A mont of silence passed between them before Gale prompted V to continue on with what he was saying before. ⸂Right…⸃ he breathed out, casting Emilia another confused glance before telling them that Remy had been waiting for a few weeks for this raid to occur, and had been inside another raid when V got the notification the raid was running again. ⸂She couldn’t get out— Blackaether raids are like that a lot. Actually, most of the people she asked to keep an eye out for the notification were inside locked raids, so I ended up coming alone…⸃
Emilia’s eyes t V’s and even though he didn’t voice the thought, she heard it anyways, the unspoken sentint that if he hadn’t been raiding solo, they might not have t up. How different things would have been then. Emilia… didn’t even want to consider that—didn’t want to consider that V probably wouldn’t be a part of her life now, that when she got out of here they wouldn’t be eting up… soon.
They’d still wait those three months, right? Like they had planned originally?
Averting her eyes, Emilia let V take the lead, sothing concerned entering his eyes. Still, he said nothing, and she wondered if he had felt the sa as her, during their ti apart. She had been so worried about his mind, the question of how affected he was by the heartcores lingering at all tis, and she had known that if the raid ended, and they hadn’t seen each other again, she would have been bombarding his Censor with ssages, hoping one got through, while calling in every favour she had with everyone she knew, trying to find him.
There was no way she could have let months spread between them without knowing he was okay. Given the way he had clung to her, in those first monts of reunion, muttering about how much he had worried for her… Yeah, he had probably been the sa. His silence would have broken, and then he would have been standing at her dorm room door and…
And what? Regardless of anything, she still had a boyfriend. As much as Emilia had co to accept the fact that things were over—had been for a while—and knew it had never been serious in the first place… Even if they were in an open relationship, she wasn’t the type to break up with soone and then imdiately jump into a relationship with soone else.
Jump into soone else’s bed? Sure. Lover of sex that she was, Emilia knew there was no way she’d be able to be celibate for even a few weeks, after she broke up with Elijah. Fucking stars, even after her ex died, she’d barely been able to keep her legs together to mourn the way so many people thought she should. Sex was fun and connection. It was warmth and affection, even with soone she barely knew. So people might not consider it a great coping chanism, but she’d long since accepted that it was better than a lot of other things she could be doing instead, and it wasn’t like she every felt anything but sated after sex. No guilt ant no problem, in her coping chanism books!
All that added up to… Emilia wasn’t even sure, not when she had no idea what even could be between her and V. Just because she liked him—and he liked her back so fervently that Emilia was definitely starting to question whether the boy she knew during the war had liked her as well, and she’d just never noticed—that didn’t an V wanted anything more than a little real-world sex with her, or that they could manage to make sothing more between them work.
The unfortunate reality was that she still wasn’t convinced they would work as anything more than friends who fucked. Nothing had changed since the last ti they had seen each other: they still needed soone else to keep them in line—to keep them from devolving into a pile of hands and mouths, both of them perfectly intent to leave the world to burn while they fucked and laughed and just enjoyed life.
Actually, that was a lie. Things had changed. Now, rather than an energy of teasing existing between them, V was practically desperate to keep her within his sight, never straying more than a few feet from her. The problem was… she didn’t mind. If he wanted to cling to her, she’d let him. If he wanted to push her down on the nearest surface and bury himself within her, she’d let him.
These thoughts really weren’t conducive to the current situation—nor Gale being in their group—and Emilia was being forced to be the voice of reason, the one to hold back and shoot V glances that reflected a very firm not now, and she really, really, didn’t like that. In the past, she’d been the one seducing Rafe, dragging him into running through the forests near their hos and playing with consent with her. She’d been the one to show up in front of Malcolm, offering him up things he would never seek out by himself. She’d been the one tossing clothing at Olivier and shooting him shit eating grins as she touched herself for him and waited for him to pounce. Even with her ex and Elijah, she had usually been the one to initiate things, although perhaps part of why things between them had never felt quite right was that she had always been more subdued with them. Her ex… wasn’t the sort to enjoy soone else being in charge, even in a playful way, while Elijah didn’t rise to the bait or snap: he played back, although the flavour wasn’t quite the sa as with V.
The point was, she was a brat—the one who liked pushing and prodding until their partner broke and put her in her place with a mixture of affection and a firm hand, or at least left her lting under them. While she could be the one to control another brat like V, it wasn’t what she wanted. There had been tis, especially during the war, where she’d been forced to control others—most notably Helix, although Ri had always been better at that—and even outside of a sexual context, she had hated it.
Emilia didn’t want to co to hate being with V because she had to be the one always in charge of things, always keeping them grounded. That’s what she would be, though.
Hence, she had multiple problems, and as much as a part of her wanted to tug on V’s sleeve and demand that the mont the raid was over he show himself to her—let her mind ld the boy he had once been with the man he was inside this raid and the one he was in real life—she knew she couldn't.
There were steps, and no matter how much she wished those steps weren’t there, they were. Break up with Elijah. Give it a few months. et up with V. Figure out what they could be to each other, and then figure out what sort of person could exist between them—who could be a grounding force for both of them.
A few faces slid through her mind, images from the past and—
⸂He’s making you sad.⸃
Emilia tilted her head towards Gale, who had looped her arm through hers as their rejoined group trudged down a flight of stairs, searching for either anyone who could answer their questions or an area where their communication system would work again. ⸂It’s not him.⸃
⸂No?⸃
⸂No,⸃ Emilia insisted, wondering how to explain it as she watched V and Zyrex descend, the hy carrying Astra in his arms, the little girl’s fingers nimbly braiding his hair as she occasionally asked what a specific Brylish sentence ant. V glanced back at her at regular intervals, concern always written there, like he was worried he might look back and find her gone at any mont.
⸂It’s not him,⸃ she tried to explain, licking her lips and examining the map of the newest floor they ca to. ⸂I just… wish things were easier. That we fit together a bit easier.⸃
Gale watched her for a long mont, before nodding slowly. ⸂Boundary and my brother were like that, I think. I t him once, before… Well, they didn’t exactly say they were… together, but I think they were. Sothing about them, though… about the way Ash talked about him…⸃ The local girl looked away, down to the stairs as though she were worried she might suddenly trip. ⸂I don’t know. It was a long ti ago, but especially after eting that guy again… I don’t think he and my brother would have lasted.⸃
Emilia humd in acknowledgent, before letting silence settle between them as they continued to the next floor and the next. The last thing she wanted was to create a relationship with V that would fall apart over ti.
The question of how to avoid that…
Well, regardless of how much she wanted things to work out and wanted them to work out now, she knew she needed to wait—needed to give them each ti to settle and figure out what they wanted and who the fuck could exist between them and make this thing work—not to ntion not lose their mind being with the pair of them.
⸂Fuck~⸃ Emilia moaned, leaning into Gale and almost taking them both down with her dramatics. She didn’t, but only because V was there, steadying them as Gale fake gagged once more and Zyrex switched back to the inter-Free Colony language he and Astra alone spoke, as they continued on, searching for so way to leave this world even a tiny bit better than when they’d arrived.
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