The driver turned in his seat, peering at her through a curtain of greasy brown hair.
"You good back there, miss?"
"Never better," she said, laughing with disbelief. "Five stars, would recomnd."
He grunted and turned away. She caught a glimpse of his face. Flat nose, heavy brow, the kind of jawline that could stop a charging bull. She recognized him instantly: Tutorial NPC, the Wagoner. He delivered every protagonist to Rosevale, then vanished forever.
"Okay," she muttered, flexing her fingers, still not used to how slender and dexterous they were. "This is either a fever dream or the world's most expensive make-a-wish LARP. But if it's real, and I'm here..."
She glanced down at the envelope. There, in the corner, was the royal sigil of Valdria: a rose entwined with a serpent, with a tiny crown balanced on the tip of the flower. She poked it. It had depth. Embossed, even.
"Isekaied," she breathed, voice trembling. "I've actually been isekaied."
The wagon jerked to a stop. Aegis (or Emily, but the difference felt academic at this point) peeked out through the canvas flap at the back, expecting maybe a castle, or at least so bearded old wizard with a destiny speech queued up.
Instead, she saw a field. Then, three n with teeth like old chess pieces and faces shaped by centuries of passionate inbreeding. Each held a cudgel, and each radiated the kind of existential nace found only in people who'd failed every side quest in life and decided to take it out on others.
"Hand over the pretty things, girl," one snarled, the dialect a perfect match for the tutorial's "bandit shakedown" encounter. "Or we start breaking the not-so-pretty things."
Aegis clapped, delighted.
"I know this!" she said, before realizing she was ant to be scared. "I an—oh, rcy, please don't hurt ," she said, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like a generic princess on valium. It was not her best work, but the bandits seed convinced. Or at least, confused.
She fished in her pockets. Her hand ca up empty. No phone, no wallet, not even a single sickly Werther's Original. She patted down her uniform, then gestured apologetically.
"Sorry, boys. All I have is this envelope and my devastating charm."
The bandits blinked, unsure how to proceed.
The tallest one grinned, exposing exactly one gold tooth and four that looked like they'd seen more th than sunlight.
"Then we take the envelope. And see if you got anything else to offer, eh?"
Aegis narrowed her eyes.
[That's how it is, huh?] She held back a smirk.
Aegis placed her palms together and smiled the kind of smile that had gotten at least three nurses to slip her contraband pudding cups over the years.
"Gentlen," she said, "I'm going to level with you. If you touch that letter, you invoke the wrath of the headmistress herself. And, not for nothing, the last guy who tried it ended up with a sword where the sun doesn't shine."
The bandits, being of the reliable "dumb as bricks" variety, hesitated just long enough for her to continue.
She gestured at the wagoner, who, as per his code, slouched watchfully but said nothing.
"Besides," she said, voice rising conspiratorially, "you really want to rob a girl who hasn't even had her orientation yet? I'm not even worth the price of a bus token. You have nothing to gain, but you have everything to lose, doing this."
The bandits exchanged a look. The smallest one, who, in the ga, always ran away first, started to fidget, nervous. The leader squared his shoulders.
"You're bluffin'," he said, though there was a tremor in his voice. "Prissy bitches like you always have sothing stashed."
Aegis let her smile falter, replaced it with a look of genuine concern.
"Boys... is this really how you want to start your week? Word is, the Rosevale guard's been cracking down. I heard they conscript prisoners to clean the privies. You want to spend the rest of your life elbow-deep in turds?"
The gold-toothed one hesitated. She watched the gears grind. The second bandit (was his na Bort in the ga?) was already edging away.
She leaned forward, dropped her voice to a stage whisper.
"Last chance, boys. The law is right behind . Walk away, and I'll forget this happened. Try anything, and you'll be scrubbing the king's personal chamberpot till the end of ti. Your call."
There was a beat.
Then, with an awkward, not-so-nacing grunt, the three bandits shuffled off, muttering apologies to one another as they retreated. The leader gave her a final, venomous glare, but even he seed more intimidated than angry.
Aegis slumped back in her seat, adrenaline pulsing through her veins. Her hands shook, but she was alive.
She opened her mouth to say: "Holy shit, I can't believe that worked," but what ca out was a loud, undignified snort.
The wagoner glanced back.
"That was quick thinking, miss."
"Yeah," she said, still trying to catch her breath. "I majored in creative self-preservation."
She stared down at her hands, flexed them, then at the envelope, which must have so kind of plot armor given how indestructible it seed. The wagon resud its course, bumping along the muddy road toward the distant spires.
Sowhere between 'thank god I'm not dead' and 'what the fuck am I wearing,' a pink-glitter HUD flickered across her vision.
# STATUS SHEET
BASIC INFO
Na: Aegis Starcaller
Race: Human
Titles: Commoner
STATS
POWER (Combat ability): 1
INTELLIGENCE (Academic knowledge, magical theory, and strategic thinking): 1
GRACE (Elegance, poise, and artistic expression): 1
INSIGHT (Reading people, detecting lies, and understanding hidden motives): 1
CHARISMA (Ability to persuade, intimidate, seduce, and charm through words): 100
---
RELATIONSHIP STATUS
Active Love Interests: None
Current Relationships: N/A
Relationship Phase: N/A
---
REPUTATION/SOCIAL STANDING
School Reputation: Unknown Newcor
Faction Standings: None
Scandal Points: 0
---
INVENTORY & GIFTS
Current Items: None
Gift Database: Locked
Special Event Items: None
nto Items: None
---
EVENTS & CALENDAR
Upcoming Events: N/A
Character Date Opportunities: None Available
Critical Choice Notifications: None
---
SKILLS/ABILITIES
Magical Spells: None
Combat Techniques: None
Arts Performances: None
---
FLAGS & ROUTES
Current Active Route: None
Death Flags: None
Bad End Warnings: None
Hidden Route Availability: Locked
Route Lock Status: None
---
ACHIEVENTS/MILESTONES
Social Milestones: None
Academic Honors: None
Secret Discoveries: None
Political Alliances: None
Among all those stats and categories, one stood out.
[CHARISMA: 100.]
She stared at the number, waiting for it to tick down, maybe reset, maybe turn into a stack overflow and catch fire. But it held, bold and deranged, like a prank left behind by an underpaid intern.
Aegis grinned, clutching her letter to her chest.
This was the world of Queen of Hearts. And Aegis? She was prepared.
She knew every. Single. Romance flag. Every conversation tree. Every gift preference and hidden questline. Every precise thod to make hundreds of different won fall catastrophically in love.
"Watch out, Rosevale." She stood up in the wagon, arms spread wide. "Aegis Starcaller has arrived, and I'm about to seduce this entire kingdom into—"
The wagon hit a pothole.
Aegis stumbled, catching herself on the wooden fra. As she steadied herself, she noticed an odd weight between her legs. A foreign pressure against the fabric of her uniform skirt.
[Wait.]
She glanced down. The skirt tented outward in a very specific, very anatomically impossible way. At least, impossible for the body she'd had five minutes ago.
Her hands moved on autopilot, patting down her new equipnt through the fabric.
[Oh.]
She patted herself.
[Oh no.]
She patted herself again. Then, three more tis.
She wasn't imagining it.
[I...]
She blinked.
[I have a dick.]
The status screen flickered helpfully in her peripheral vision:
HIDDEN TRAIT DISCOVERED:
Blessing of the Fertility Goddess
Effect: Enhanced "compatibility" with all potential partners
Aegis stared at the notification, then at her skirt, then back at the notification.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ?!"
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