Yet Alice, she buried all her pain in her heart, keeping it to herself.
"And what about Dorian Howards? He knows you’re pregnant, what did he say?" Mabel Quinn asked anxiously, though she suspected that Dorian hadn’t said anything good, otherwise Alice wouldn’t be sitting in the square like that.
Alice Conley vaguely recounted her eting with Dorian Howards.
After listening, Mabel felt an indescribable pang of sorrow in her heart. Alice shouldn’t be treated this way, she loved Dorian too much, too much hope for him to be well.
"I’ll go and have a word with Dorian Howards!" Mabel said.
Alice shook her head. Her expression had cald down, yet in her eyes, the pain was still visible. "No need, I’ve already told him everything that needed to be said. I told him I’m pregnant, that I love him, that I previously rejected him because I thought I was infertile... So Mabel, our breakup this ti, there are no misunderstandings."
"But..."
"It was I who said too many hurtful words to him back then, wounding him too deeply. And it was I who foolishly didn’t confirm my health condition at another hospital. It’s all my own doing," Alice said, "But telling you all this, I do feel a bit better. It seems pain indeed needs an outlet."
"You can co to anyti to vent," Mabel said, then she glanced at Alice’s abdon, "And what do you plan to do with this child now?"
Alice lowered her head, gently stroking her still flat belly, "I want to have this child."
This answer didn’t surprise Mabel at all, after all, Alice loved Dorian so much.
"But being a single mother will be very tough," Mabel still reminded her, knowing that society would look at it with a judgntal eye, not to ntion familial issues, with relatives, neighbors, and so on.
"I have thought about it," Alice said, "I thought about it when I was alone at the square." During that ti, besides recalling the breakup, she also pondered on what she should do in the future.
Should she abort the child? Or give birth to it.
In the end, she told herself, no matter how difficult it is, she wants to give birth to the child. She already lost one child before, she doesn’t want to lose this hard-earned child.
Moreover, this child... might be the only one she’ll have in this life.
"Mabel, I don’t want to lose this child. I’ll do my utmost to raise him (her) into adulthood." Alice said, "As for Dorian Howards, if he wants to see the child in the future, I won’t stop him. If he doesn’t want to see the child, I won’t force it."
"Then I’ll be this child’s godmother," Mabel said.
Only then did a faint smile appear on Alice’s face.
At night, as the two lay on the sa bed, Alice said, "Mabel, why is it that when we talk about love, it’s always so exhausting?"
"Perhaps because we once loved so earnestly." Mabel murmured, and it was precisely because of such earnest emotional investnt, they hurt more deeply.
"If we could have a plain and simple love, that would be nice," Alice mumbled, giving a yawn, as weariness took over.
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