Palr wore a bitter expression, utilizing all his brain cells to start pondering these unresolved mysteries.
What troubled him wasn’t this sche, but Church himself, and upon further reflection, his forr partner was indeed exceedingly mysterious.
Palr often chatted with Church about his family, shared tales of his childhood, his hobbies, and experiences, while Church would listen patiently, occasionally engaging in conversation with Palr.
In retrospect, Palr noticed an oddity: in his interactions with Church, it had always been a one-sided exchange of thoughts from Palr, with Church seldom expressing his own ideas, let alone talking about his past.
Though the two were once inseparable partners, when it ca to Church’s past and his previous experiences, Palr couldn’t say a single thing about it.
This stark contrast, which he realized late, left Palr deeply unsettled, making him question whether he ever truly understood Church.
He never really understood Church.
This thought flickered through Palr’s mind, and co to think of it, Palr didn’t even know Church’s real appearance.
The faceless man.
Even without considering Church’s ssy affairs, the fact that the Order Bureau trusted this mission to Church and handed Chekov’s Gun over to him was enough to confirm Church’s reliability in their eyes.
Vasilina said, "Instead of overthinking, why don’t you just ask him directly?"
"That’s true," Palr’s eyes lit up, "Where’s Church? Where is he?"
"Church left yesterday; among us, Church was the least injured, or rather, he wasn’t injured at all. He just needed so ti to replenish Ether after the huge drain from using Chekov’s Gun.
After replenishing, he was the first to return to the Order Bureau to report on the mission."
Church was there for work, Palr was there for a vacation; work was work, life was life.
Palr felt deflated, but quickly regained his spirits.
Palr held a mysterious trust in Church, much like he did in Bologue. The two were once partners, and Palr believed in Church’s decisions. If Church chose to conceal sothing, he must have his reasons. Rather than pressing him, it was better to wait until Church was willing to share.
Who knows if that day will ever co.
Palr let out a lant, "Vacation, my vacation..."
Back in reality, Palr was utterly disoriented. Who would’ve thought his family visit would turn out like this.
"Look on the bright side; you can stay ho a bit longer now."
Vasilina rubbed Palr’s head affectionately, like she was tending to a little dog with a la leg.
That’s indeed true; Palr’s annual leave was just a week, but these injuries wouldn’t heal in a week.
Palr didn’t know whether to be happy or troubled.
Seeing Palr’s good spirits, Vasilina leaned down and kissed Palr on the forehead.
"For now, just rest up."
Vasilina said this and was about to leave, but this ti, Palr suddenly reached out and grabbed Vasilina.
Vasilina turned back in surprise; usually, Palr treated her like a plague, eager to shoo her away. What had changed today, for him to willingly keep her?
Palr was also startled for a second. Realizing he was holding Vasilina, panic flickered across his face, but he quickly regained his composure and didn’t let go.
"Do you have any plans?"
"No, why?"
Vasilina looked at Palr with a smile, the dim shadow obscuring her face, and Palr couldn’t see her expression.
Palr asked, "Could you stay with for a bit?"
"Is this a request?"
Vasilina held Palr’s hand and sat back on the bed.
Palr hesitated for a mont, feeling a slight blush. Fortunately, the dim shadows masked his face as well, and Palr guessed Vasilina couldn’t see it.
"I suppose...it is."
Palr forced the words out of his throat.
In the dim light, Palr lay honestly on the bed, while Vasilina sat at the bedside. The room was exceptionally quiet, with only the ticking of the clock and their even breaths remaining.
Suddenly, Palr spoke, "I’m sorry, Vasilina."
"Sorry for what?"
"Many things... like how long it took to co back, always avoiding you and such."
Palr felt like his brain was cramping, and lots of strange words ca out uncontrollably.
"And then?"
Vasilina held Palr’s hands, their skin intimately pressed together, warm emotions brewed between them.
"I’ve been thinking about things, like why I have such reactions, why... I resist you."
Palr gradually stopped thinking. He was now like a translator, speaking out the words inscribed in his mind without any embellishnt.
"I’m soone who’s really afraid of separation. Whenever I think about the things I care about, I’m terrified at the thought that they will eventually leave ."
Palr thought of Church. After Church was injured and lost an eye, Palr chose to part ways, and later he worked alone.
Palr didn’t want a new partner anymore.
Having a new partner ant Palr would have a life-and-death brother, and one day, brutal death would separate them.
Fortunately, Bologue wouldn’t die.
Vasilina said, "That sounds like a vicious circle."
"Yeah, the more I care about sothing, the more I fear separation and feel terrified of the coming farewell in the future.
So I strive to keep a distance from everything. As long as I don’t care, there will be no separation, and I won’t be troubled by it."
Palr really liked everyone at the Undying Club. During the days of singing and dancing, his heart felt no burden. They wouldn’t leave him. Instead, he might leave them first, becoming an unnoticeable glass in a cupboard.
"Because you care about , you fear ."
Vasilina lay on her side, pressing her body against Palr’s stomach, propping her hand under her head, scrutinizing this frantic and confused soul.
"Does this sound a bit strange, like the childish fantasy of a kid," Palr blad himself, "Sotis, I feel disgusted with myself for these odd thoughts... feeling like I’m a disgusting guy."
Vasilina didn’t speak. She lay on Palr’s chest, listening to the heartbeat.
Palr cautiously asked, "Are you angry?"
"No, on the contrary, I’m very happy," Vasilina said, "It shows you care about a lot, so much that you avoided for so long."
Palr felt Vasilina was being sarcastic; she was almost exploding with anger.
Apologetic for this inner flaw, Palr yet jokingly thought to himself, how co she changed from a girlfriend to a fiancée so suddenly.
This rapid change left Palr at a loss, not knowing how to handle it.
In matters like this, Palr was a novice.
"All this ti, you hoped that distance and ti could wash away your care for and cool down your overheated heart.
Only when you no longer care about would you be at ease facing ."
Vasilina concluded, "So... you don’t love anymore, right? Palr, only then would you dare to confess your heart to ."
"No!"
Palr sat up abruptly, and then the excessive movent caused intense stabbing pain, making him grimace.
Vasilina snuggled into Palr’s embrace, her hand stroking his chest. She looked up, eting Palr’s gaze. From her eyes, Palr understood that based on his next words, she would either kiss him or give him a powerful defibrillation.
"Alright..."
Suddenly, Palr deflated, beginning his confession.
"Initially, I really believed that ti and distance would free . To hasten this relief, I soaked myself in the Undying Club every day, getting drunk to oblivion with those boozy friends... you could say, except on workdays, my mind was never clear.
Before seeing you, I really thought I had succeeded, that I wouldn’t be troubled by this anymore, but upon seeing you, I realized..."
Palr took a deep breath, sighing.
"All that drinking was in vain."
"Even though we hadn’t seen each other for so long, at the mont I saw you, an indescribable emotion surged violently in my mind. The intense emotion broke through all obstacles. My rational mind told I wasn’t ready, that I should keep my distance, but my instincts kept screaming.
It sounds conflicted, on one hand, I’m afraid of the farewell after establishing a close relationship, on the other hand, I deeply desire the intimacy between us."
Palr, drained of all energy, fell back again. He looked at the blurred ceiling, talking to himself.
"My heart still has flaws, feeling imnse fear for the future of separation, but now another thing worth fearing has appeared, and that is losing the present with you."
"So, I think I love you, Vasilina."
After a brief silence, Palr added, "To hell with the future."
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