Asteria: You may call me dumb Alex, but I can actually write a story!
Alex: Hoh, are you sure about that? How could someone as lazy like you write a story? Maybe you're geting high again from your honey. Why don;t you jsut sleep that off?
Asteria: Hah? Watcha talkin about hooman? Of coures I can write! Why do you doubt that? Do I really look like I can't write?
Alex: Well...
Asteria: Hmph, if that's what you think, then I will show you a story that I wrote! Hmph, let's see how amazed you will bee once you see this!
Alex: Dumb fairy, you don't really need to-
Asteria: Here, my story's done! e and read it now, hooman!
Alex: Wait, you wrote a story that fast? You're jsut s***ing with me now, right?
Asteria: S***ing my ass! Just e here and read! If you don't, then you're a p***y for not reading!
Alex: So I'm a pussy now? Hmph, show me what you wrote then!
[With this prompt by Alex, the pleased-looking Asteria raised a piece of paper that was filled to the brim with words. She briefly shook it above her, before bringing it in front of Alex.]
Asteria: Here, e and feast your eyes on my art! Hahaha! Let's see you praise my work like a god!
Alex: ....
-THE BUTTERFLY-
A short story by Asteria
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Asteria. Asteria was 20 years old and lived in Arcadia, Fairyland. While walking home from school one day, a gold butterfly jumped out from behind a rock and tackled Asteria to the ground.
But just when she was about to let out a scream for help, Asteria realized that the gold butterfly was only smooching her face, not trying to suck it off. At that moment, Asteria decided to keep the gold butterfly as a pet. And on the way home she decided to name her pet gold butterfly ''Celeste.''
When Asteria and her new pet finally got home, guess who was standing on the front porch? That's right, it was Asteria's mother, Esther. And boy was she surprised to see a gold butterfly following Asteria into the yard!
''What in world is that?'' shouted Esther. ''It's a gold butterfly,'' answered Asteria. ''Dah, I can see that, Asteria, but what on earth is it doing here?'' said Esther. ''It's my new pet!'' answered Asteria.
''Oh you think so do you?'' remarked Esther. ''I wouldn't get your hopes up. You know how your father hates gold butterflies. But, well, I suppose you can keep him until your father es home.''
And with that Asteria grabbed Celeste by the scruff of the neck and led her new pet into the house--even though she knew her father was probably going to dissaprove.
Once in the house, Asteria and Celeste played and played. At that point Asteria forgot all about Celeste having an unsupervised run of the house.
That is until half way through her meal when Asteria was brought back to reality when she heard her father shout, ''Stupid Asteria! Get your bum in the kitchen...NOW!!'' With that Asteria rushed into the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about.
When she entered the kitchen, there stood her father, Fritz, pointing toward the chair. ''Will someone please explain that?'' asked her father.
Then, as Asteria followed her father's finger to where it was pointing, she instantly knew what her father was so upset about. There, smack dab in the middle of the chair, was the biggest pile of butterfly doo-doo she had ever seen!
''I don't EVEN want to know how that got there,'' said Fritz. ''But you had better get it cleaned up now! And you had better get rid of whatever it is that could have done such a thing!'' Well, knowing her father as well as she did, Asteria knew there was no sense even asking her father if she could keep Celeste for a pet.
So without hesitation, Asteria set out to find where Celeste was hiding. After a few minutes of looking, Asteria discovered Celeste crouched beneath the table that Asteria did her eating on.
''e on, Celeste, it's time to find you a new home. And hey, don't look at me that way, I'm not the one who did the dirty deed on the chair!'' scolded Asteria. ''Thanks to you I'll never get to have my own pet butterfly!!
And with that Asteria led Celeste out of the house and down to the local store . They had a pet section and Asteria knew the owner would find Celeste a good home.
So after saying good-bye to Celeste, and thanking the owner of the shop, Asteria walked backed home and attempted to drown her sorrows by slamming down a half dozen honeys. But Asteria's pity party came to an abrupt end when her father reminded her about the mess she had neglected to clean up.
And lo and behold, midway through the clean-up, Asteria suddenly became thankful that someone else was going to have to do it from now on.
The End.
Asteria: Hahaha, how about that hooman? My story is a masterpiece, right?
Alex: ...
Asteria: Oi hooman. Why don't you say something? Don't tell me you've been so captivated by my story that you became speechless? Oh my goodness I didn't know I was this good! Hahaha, maybe I should just-
Alex: Hmph, good my ass! This story is so bad, that I don't even know how to explain it!
Asteria: What do you mean by stupid, huh? This story is a magnum opu-
Alex: You found a big-ass butterfly and made it your pet. Then you left it to poo inside your house? Bruh, can butterflies even poop? And then you sold the butterfly to a pet house because you don't want to take care of the butterfly anymore? Tsk, this is jsut a stupid premise! Argh, I can't believe I wasted my time reading this!
Asteria: ....
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