"At that ti, people told to leave the children behind again," she said. "They said I was still young enough to remarry if I did not burden myself with them."
Her fingers tightened slowly against the cup in her hands.
"But this ti..." she whispered, "I could not do it again."
The room beca quiet.
Fu Sheng watched her steadily.
Wei ilan lowered her eyes.
"I already abandoned two children once," she said softly. "I could not make the sa mistake twice."
Sothing inside Fu Sheng tightened at those words, but he did not interrupt.
Wei ilan continued quietly,
"It was later discovered that my husband had been involved in embezzlent."
Fu Sheng’s brows frowned slightly.
"He was only a low-ranking minister," she explained, "but he had taken money that did not belong to him."
Her expression remained calm.
Too calm.
As though she had already repeated this truth to herself too many tis.
"When the investigation began, he panicked," she said. "Before the officials could fully sentence him... he took his own life."
The room instantly fell silent.
Wei ilan looked away briefly.
"And as his wife," she continued quietly, "I carried the weight of his cris."
Fu Sheng’s gaze darkened.
"They confiscated everything," she said. "The house, the servants, the money... all of it disappeared overnight."
A faint laugh escaped her lips.
"In the end, the barren lands beca my punishnt as well."
The lantern light trembled softly against the walls.
Fu Sheng looked at her for a long mont before finally speaking.
"And you survived all of that alone?"
Wei ilan beca quiet for a mont.
Then she smiled faintly.
"Not alone," she said softly.
Her eyes shifted toward the inner room where the child had disappeared earlier.
"I had them."
The room fell silent again.
Wei ilan remained quiet for a mont after speaking.
The room slowly settled back into silence, with only the soft crackling of the lantern filling the space between them.
Then she let out a quiet breath and lifted her gaze toward him again.
"Enough about ," she said softly.
Her voice had regained so of its calmness.
"We have spent the entire night speaking about the past and my mistakes."
A faint smile appeared on her lips.
"But what about you?"
Fu Sheng looked at her quietly.
Wei ilan tilted her head slightly as she studied his face.
"How was the war?" she asked.
The mont those words left her mouth—
Sothing in Fu Sheng’s expression changed.
It was slight.
But visible.
The room beca quiet again.
This ti, the silence felt colder.
Fu Sheng lowered his gaze briefly before leaning back slightly in his chair.
For a while, he did not answer.
Wei ilan noticed it imdiately.
"You do not have to speak about it if you do not want to," she said quietly.
Fu Sheng shook his head slowly.
"It is not that," he replied.
His voice was calm.
But distant.
As though part of him had already gone sowhere else entirely.
Then after a long pause, he finally spoke.
"It was hell."
Wei ilan’s fingers tightened slightly against the tea cup.
Fu Sheng stared at the lantern quietly as he continued.
"When I first arrived, I thought surviving depended on strength," he said. "But after the first few battles... I realized survival mostly depended on luck."
His voice remained steady.
Too steady.
"There were days when the ground was so soaked with blood that you could sll it before you even reached the battlefield."
Wei ilan fell silent.
Fu Sheng continued quietly,
"At first, the new soldiers still cried when people died."
A faint bitterness entered his voice.
"But after enough ti passed... no one cried anymore."
The lantern flickered softly.
"You stop looking at bodies after a while," he said. "You step over them and keep moving because if you stop for too long, you beco one of them."
Wei ilan watched him quietly, her expression slowly growing heavier.
Fu Sheng lowered his gaze briefly.
"I saw n starve," he continued. "I saw people freeze during winter because there were not enough supplies."
His jaw tightened slightly.
"And sotis..."
He paused.
"...sotis the enemy was kinder than the officers behind us."
Wei ilan’s eyes widened faintly.
Fu Sheng let out a quiet breath.
"If you retreated, you died," he said simply. "If you refused orders, you died."
The room felt unbearably still now.
Fu Sheng’s gaze darkened slightly as old mories surfaced.
"There were battles where thousands went in," he said quietly. "And only a few hundred ca back."
Wei ilan lowered her eyes slowly.
Then after a mont, she asked softly,
"How did you survive?"
Fu Sheng beca quiet.
For several seconds, he said nothing.
Then finally—
"I stopped thinking like a person," he replied.
Wei ilan looked up at him imdiately.
Fu Sheng’s expression remained unreadable.
"At so point, surviving beca the only thing left in my head," he said quietly. "Not honor. Not glory. Not even fear."
His gaze slowly lifted toward her.
"Just survival."
The room fell silent once more.
Wei ilan looked at him carefully, and for the first ti that night—
She realized the man sitting in front of her was no longer the sa young man who had once left the village for war.
Wei ilan remained quiet for a long mont after hearing his words.
The lantern burned softly between them, its dim light casting faint shadows across Fu Sheng’s face.
Now that she looked carefully—
She could see it.
Not just in his eyes.
But in the way he sat.
The way he spoke.
Even the way he remained alert despite appearing calm.
There was a heaviness around him that had not existed years ago.
Wei ilan lowered her gaze slightly.
"You changed," she said softly.
Fu Sheng gave a faint laugh.
"That tends to happen when people spend years trying not to die."
Her fingers tightened lightly around the tea cup.
"It must have been difficult," she said quietly.
Fu Sheng looked at her for a mont before speaking again.
"At first, yes."
His voice remained calm.
"But after enough ti passes, people stop thinking about whether sothing is difficult."
Wei ilan watched him silently.
Fu Sheng leaned back slightly in his chair.
"You only think about getting through the next day," he said. "Then the day after that."
The room beca quiet again.
Then Wei ilan asked softly,
"Did you ever think about coming back?"
Fu Sheng looked at her steadily.
"Every day," he replied.
The answer ca without hesitation.
Wei ilan’s expression stilled slightly.
Fu Sheng lowered his gaze briefly before continuing.
"There were nights when I could barely stay awake, but I still forced myself to rember the village."
A faint smile appeared on his lips.
"Back then, I thought if I kept rembering ho, I would not lose myself completely."
Wei ilan’s eyes softened slightly.
Fu Sheng continued quietly,
"I rembered my parents. My brothers."
Then after a brief pause, he added,
"And you."
The room fell silent again.
Wei ilan looked down slowly, her expression unreadable.
Fu Sheng leaned back slightly and let out a quiet breath.
"But after a while..." he said softly, "even mories beco dangerous."
Wei ilan looked at him again.
Fu Sheng’s gaze turned distant.
"If you think too much about what you left behind, you start hesitating on the battlefield," he explained. "And hesitation gets people killed."
The lantern flickered again.
"So eventually," he continued, "I forced myself to stop thinking about everything."
Wei ilan remained silent.
Fu Sheng gave a faint smile.
"It worked," he said quietly. "I survived."
But for so reason—
The way he said it did not sound victorious at all.
Wei ilan noticed it imdiately.
Her gaze stayed on him for several monts before she finally asked softly,
"And after surviving all of that..."
She hesitated briefly.
"...are you happy now?"
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