“Look, all I’m saying is if they didn’t want anyone wandering through their woods, they should have put up so signs or fences or sothing,” Vin stated matter-of-factly, leaning back in his flimsy chair as he looked up at the two frowning police officers. “How was I supposed to know it was private property?”
It wasn’t the first ti Vin had been arrested, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. In fact, he’d been arrested for trespassing so many tis, he’d actually started his own little blog where he reviewed different police stations based on how well they treated him. So far, this interrogation had been a generous three out of ten. They hadn’t even offered him any doughnuts, for crying out loud! His seventeen followers were going to be absolutely appalled.
While he was thinking about the scathing review he was going to leave, the larger of the two officers, whom Vin had ntally dubbed Officer Bigs, grabbed sothing from under the table before slamming a standard No Trespassing sign between them. Except that soone had clearly taken a sharpie and added a few letters to the sign, changing it from a ‘No Trespassing’ sign to a ‘GNo Trespassing’ sign.
Clearing his throat, Vin slowly stuck his black-tinted fingers into his pockets, giving the two officers his most sincere smile.
“Well now you understand why I had to go in there. I an, if there were gnos-”
“Cut the crap kid.” Officer Bigs frowned, no doubt repelled by the dirt-encrusted vagabond they’d had the misfortune of picking up that night. “We ran your license after we grabbed you. Do you want to explain how you already have thirty-four records of arrest for trespassing at the age of twenty-two? Not to ntion the eighteen arrests for loitering, seven for jaywalking, and one for…” He paused, double checking the printout he was holding in his aty hands. “...illegally keeping a donkey in a bathtub?”
“Now in my defense, Mr. Scruffles was getting pretty dirty-”
“Vinnie,” Officer Smalls said, interrupting him and causing Vin to wince at the use of his actual na. Other than all the neglect and physical abuse, his na was the one thing he’d never forgive his parents for. What was he, an Italian mobster from the 1920s?
“It’s a miracle you’ve only done a few days of jail ti here and there up to this point. Hell, it’s an even bigger one you haven’t been shot yet with how much trespassing you do,” Officer Smalls continued, sounding actually worried for him, unlike his big lug of a partner. “But you’re collecting arrests like they’re going out of business. If this keeps up, it’s only a matter of ti before you get slapped with sothing more serious and get thrown in prison. All it takes is one angry judge and your life is over before it even begins.”
“That’s why I make sure to practice my cody routine so often,” Vin said, hoping his grin was big enough to hide how much the officer's genuine concern hurt him. Most officers just read him the riot act before chucking him in the drunk tank for the night rather than waste their ti on him. He always hated when he got picked up by one that actually cared, and he normally dealt with such cops by doubling down.
“So long as I keep the judges laughing, they usually let off with a warning.”
Sighing, Officer Smalls held up a hand, stopping his partner right before he could really get into his bad cop routine and start shouting at Vin about how he’d never survive in prison or so crap like that. “Alright then. I can see we won’t be able to convince you of anything. Luckily for you Mr. Jones isn’t planning on pressing charges, but we’ll keep you here overnight just to be safe. You’ll be free to leave in the morning.”
Their interrogation done, Vin let Officer Bigs lead him over to the drunk tank, giving the man a crisp, mocking salute as the walking donut factory locked the cell door, scowling at him.
Collapsing on the available bunk, Vin wriggled around, trying to get comfortable as the officers left him to his own devices. Unfortunately for him the cot was hard as a rock, and the only blanket they’d given him was rather thin. He supposed most people unfortunate enough to spend the night in here were often too drunk to really feel the cold after all.
Change that; two point five out of ten, Vin thought, ntally updating his future blog post as he stared at the blank ceiling. He didn’t actually own a computer, and typing out his reviews on his old smartphone was a pain and a half, so he’d have to find a nearby library or sothing once he got out. He was running out of cash too, so after that, he’d have to decide if it was ti to snag a new part-ti job or try his luck at panhandling again. On his way into town, he’d noticed a particularly busy intersection the other day that might-
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringent.
Would you like to start over in a new world?
Startled by the floating words suddenly appearing directly in front of him, Vin flinched violently backwards and nearly tumbled out of his cot. Blinking, he sat up and stared at the words as they moved with him. Regardless of how fast he jerked his head or looked around, the strange words never once left the center of his vision.
“What on Earth…” he muttered, blinking a few more tis and rubbing his eyes. When the words failed to leave or change in any way, he leaned back against the cold brick wall of his cell, staring at the mysterious sentence. He hadn’t taken any shrooms or LSD in months, and he highly doubted the officers that had brought him in had dosed him with sothing when he wasn’t looking. He’d always dismissed the crazy people he encountered during his travels who would rant about the governnt testing mind control devices on them, but maybe they’d actually been onto sothing.
“Hey guys?” Vin called out, cursing when he realized he’d never actually gotten either of the two officers' nas. “Either of you seeing this?” Unfortunately, either they were choosing to ignore him, or they were busy doing sothing else, because neither Officer Bigs nor Smalls showed up when he shouted. Sighing, he shook his head, turning his attention back to the floating question.
“There’s not even a checkbox or anything,” he complained to the CIA agent that was no doubt monitoring him through his embedded microchip or sothing. He knew dentists were up to no good with their supposed wisdom tooth surgery. How convenient for them.
Vin closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep, but that quickly proved to be impossible. No matter how much he tried to ignore the strange hallucination, his thoughts kept coming back to the strange, floating text that refused to leave his vision. Cursing, he sat back up and glared at the mysterious question.
“Fine, I’ll play. Do I want to start over in a new world? I don’t know, do I get any sort of information here? Like, how’s this world’s healthcare system? Are there flying bears with lasers for feet to worry about? Are humans fard for their organs or so other Lovecraftian crap? I don’t know if the CIA’s budget is less than it used to be or sothing, but you guys really gotta do better than this.”
He paused, giving the floating sentence a chance to respond sohow. Lord knows if he was the guy on the other end of the cara with a keyboard in front of him he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from deleting the first sentence and sending the person assorted ‘your momma’ jokes or sothing similar. But as the minutes passed and the sentence remained unchanged, Vin began to wonder if this truly was sothing… more.
“Okay, assuming I’m not tripping… and that I’m not participating in so horrific experint that will co to light in sixty years and turn into a … that really only leaves one explanation,” he muttered, squinting at the floating words. Regardless of whether he squinted or unfocused his eyes, the crisp, floating words didn’t change in the slightest, while everything else in his vision turned blurry and impossible to make out. He wasn’t sure why that was the deciding factor for him, but for so reason, that small piece of evidence finally convinced him. Clearing his throat, he looked up at the ceiling.
“Okay first, I’d like to apologize about that ti I asked Sarah to dress up like a nun while things were getting hot and heavy in the motel room. If I’d known you were real I probably would have gone with the firefighter costu instead, and I really hope that doesn’t factor into if I go up or down when I respond to this.”
His piece said, Vin read over the words one last ti, grinning at even the slightest possibility that this might actually be legit. He’d been cursed from a young age with wanderlust, and ever since running away from ho he’d made it his mission to go out into the world and do and see as much of it as he possibly could before he died. But if so higher power was actually offering him the chance to explore an entirely new world?
Well that was a no-brainer.
“Alright, you win, God or Buddha or whoever you are!” Vin yelled, getting to his feet and planting his hands on his hips. “My answer is yes! Yes, I want to go to this new world of yours! So, how does this work? Do I click my heels together three tis, or-SONOFABI-”
The world erupted in an explosion of light and color almost imdiately after he gave the sentence his answer, and Vin found himself screaming as the swirling lights blazed around him. But before he could even take in what was happening and regret his choice, the world’s craziest light show ended just as quickly as it began, and he found himself standing inside a large concrete room beside a couple dozen other people looking about as dazed and confused as he was.
Vin swayed on his feet and probably would have fallen over, if it wasn’t for the firm hand that grabbed his shoulder. Following the arm attached to said hand, Vin found himself staring at a large, muscular man that made Officer Bigs look like a runt.
Slightly more concerning than the man’s monstrous muscles were the military fatigues stretching over his giant form and the assault rifle slung over his shoulder. As the two of them made eye contact, the mysterious soldier gave him a nod.
“Welco to Project Ark.”
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