F-Rank Puppeteer!! But I'll be Queen, and I'm not a narcissist!!!!! Chapter 140: Changing and Not Wanting to Change

"What are you doing, Evelyn-sama?" Eve asks, seeing gazing out the window at the sun and sketching things on a piece of paper.

"I didn’t see you co in, Eve! So stealthy!" I say, looking over at her, quickly thinking of what to say.

"I’m drawing our new companion! It’s going to be a new healing puppet to help us!... I’m going to create her today, because Esther said she wanted to watch and that she’ll deliver the materials I asked for tonight, so I need to have everything ready!" I say rapidly, sounding a bit excited.

"Hmmm... Evelyn-sama, you seem happy," Eve says as I nod my head.

"Yes... Esther is a little scary, but she’s much nicer than I expected! She actually talks with , like she listens to what I say and really asks interested questions while rembering everything I explained!"

"She also said she’s preparing teaching materials to give lessons on how to better use my powers and how I should command! And that’s important! After all, I’m a puppeteer who depends on strategy!" I say confidently.

"..."

"Evelyn-sama, are you sure you should reveal so much about yourself to that... person...? I know you’re married, but have you stopped to think that she pays attention to you so she can control you?!" Eve says with seriousness.

"..." I think about what Eve said, and she’s absolutely right. There’s a high chance that’s the case.

"...Eve... I want to believe that she’s falling in love with ... and maybe she’ll change for ?!" I say, sounding far too dreamy.

"Love?... Evelyn-sama, you... think she loves you?" Eve makes a strange face, as if the very idea of Esther loving is so absurd it’s unthinkable.

"W-Well, she doesn’t love yet... but she could co to love , right?" Her interest in is already romantic according to the favorability ter! At so point, she will develop love for as long as her favorability doesn’t drop.

"I don’t understand, Evelyn-sama, I truly don’t understand..." Eve just shakes her head negatively.

"...It’s okay, Eve. I guess no one understands Esther, but I know that... she’s not so bad... I think I prefer to believe that Esther is a girl who never learned how to have feelings."

"But not learning about feelings doesn’t an she doesn’t have them! Maybe I can teach her about them!" Unlike Grace in the ga, who didn’t know why Esther was so cruel and wanted to do so many evil things, I know.

I understand that she suffered imnsely just for existing. She carries a pain that no one else understands, the emptiness of realizing that no one around her is ’real,’ and I bet for Esther, even Grace is ’fake.’

But with , it’s different! Esther herself said we are the sa! That ans she finally has soone like her to mirror and learn new things from.

It ans I can do sothing even a heroine like Grace couldn’t—make Esther give up! In the ga, all my siblings beca better people in their routes through Grace’s influence, all except Esther, who never gave up on her plans.

But if all my siblings, who committed so many evil deeds, could atone for their mistakes, I’m sure Esther is no different! In the end, Grace just ’attacked’ the wrong part.

Laplace has serious problems with lust... Lucien has serious problems with a destructive arrogance that he vents through fighting... Augustus has serious issues with trust and extre paranoia.

Marie has problems with friendships because of her past, choosing to be arrogant while pushing closeness away, being a really strong Tsundere. Evelyn had an extre problem with trust and hatred for anyone who wasn’t her puppets.

And in the end, the only one we didn’t have a specific area for in the ga was Esther, who lied about her past and who she was all the ti! But thanks to what I know about her now, I understand that the problem Esther carries is loneliness.

’Esther’s route was always made wrong... who would have thought...’ Esther never seed lonely, so no one would ever think her problem was the desolate feeling of loneliness that has accompanied her since childhood.

"Evelyn-sama... I beg you, please don’t have blind hopes... I understand you are kind and believe everyone can be good... but Evelyn-sama, a person can only be saved if they want to be saved."

"That ans not everyone changes... not because they can’t, but because they choose never to change... and to , Esther is the type who chooses never to change... if you believe you can change her... you’ll only be disappointed when you fail," Eve says with a certain coldness that bothers .

"She can change!" I shout at Eve, only then realizing I’d raised my voice.

"Sorry... I..." I got nervous because she went against what I believe, and this is important to , because if Esther really never changes... then I don’t know what to do.

"It’s alright, Evelyn-sama... just please, don’t be too disappointed if you can’t change her..." Eve leaves through the door after bowing to . Ever since we arrived at the mansion, Eve has been growing more distant from .

"..."

"Haaa..." I let out a frustrated sigh as I look at the door.

"..."

’Why are friendships and relationships so difficult...’ I sit down in a chair, looking at my drawings, the drawing of a beautiful angel girl. I was looking at the sky to create her angelic halo.

’I guess I’ll never be able to handle this...’ I feel like a terrible and fake friend, because until now, all the conversations I’ve had were ’planned’—things I did thinking about others.

Because I never had friends, I don’t know what a real friendship should be like, so I force myself to say and do things that I think other people would like to hear.

And precisely because of that, I feel fake, because deep down I’m an insecure girl who doesn’t know how to have a real conversation, so I’m afraid of ruining everything by making the atmosphere boring and uncomfortable.

’Ever since I beca Evelyn, talking to others beca much easier... the words co out naturally and I don’t stutter much... but why is it so hard to say exactly what I want?’ When I say what I want, I get nervous, scared, and afraid of ruining everything.

Why is speaking normally and saying what I want so different? Am I really too naive? Is Eve right in saying that I shouldn’t expect too much from Esther changing and should be ready to be disappointed?

If she’s right, does shouting at her make a terrible friend? I quickly shake my head negatively, trying to stop thinking about it.

’I have a puppet to create, I shouldn’t waste ti with intrusive thoughts... I’m not a bad friend... Eve is just distancing herself from because she’s busy training...’ I lie to myself.

I don’t even know if Eve notices how bothered I feel by the way she’s distancing herself from , because to , Eve isn’t a servant, she’s an important friend, so her current treatnt hits my insecurities about friendship directly.

’Esther... she won’t distance herself from too, right?... W-We’re doing fine... I’m not a tedious girl... I-I’m sure Esther won’t be scared off because I’m boring and don’t talk about fun things...’ I drop the notebook, unable to concentrate on the drawing.

Since I can’t draw, I decide to focus on myself. I go to the mirror in the room, determined to take care of my appearance; it calms down for so reason.

I like to observe myself in reflections. The beauty I see in the mirror shows that I still have sothing that is mine, and that my hard work taking care of my appearance yields visible results.

Unlike people, mirrors don’t judge ; they actually show the best side of myself, displaying my beauty as a lovely reflection that helps stay calm.

...

...

...

I leave the mansion, stepping outside to get so air. I soon see a tree and punch it. The plasma rips the tree completely out of the ground, hurling it far away as it emits a purple glow.

’Why is Evelyn-sama so naive?! Doesn’t she understand that sociopath will never change for love?’ I feel frustrated, because I know Evelyn-sama will get hurt by this naivety.

I can tell from the look in her eyes—Esther won’t change. Not because she can’t, but because she sees no point in changing what is already perfect for her.

"You look furious," I hear a female voice and quickly look back.

"Who are you?!" I ask, confused that I hadn’t sensed her presence.

"You can call Elizabeth. I’m one of Esther’s servants, and I ca to warn you... Esther-sama orders you to stop interfering! Esther-sama will be angry if you keep trying to make Evelyn see Esther-sama as a problem," she says, and I realize.

’If she knows... she was...’

"You’ve been spying on Evelyn-sama," I say as she raises her hands.

"Ope, caught ! Yes, I am. But don’t worry, I don’t watch her naked or in the bath. Esther-sama would have my eyes for that after they got married. I’m just gently looking after Evelyn."

"Esther-sama wants her to be ’safe,’ so I look after her security from the shadows..."

"In short, you spy on her and tell Esther everything Evelyn-sama does," I say, realizing she’s stronger than , and I shouldn’t attack one of Esther’s servants or I could have problems.

"A rather complicated way of putting it... but it’s sothing like that. I only appeared to you because Esther-sama is ’annoyed’ by your ddling. She also said for you to stop poking into things you shouldn’t," she says, referring to my exploration.

"...Or what?" I ask.

"Or Evelyn will have problems. This mansion has... secrets... things that Evelyn would be horrified to know exist here. And I’m sure you don’t want to be the one responsible for that."

"..."

"Esther-sama doesn’t want to restrict you, she just says you shouldn’t stray too far from the standard she desires. That ans you shouldn’t interfere with Esther-sama’s relationship with Evelyn."

"Anything you do that affects this marriage is sothing Esther-sama dislikes. In other words, just avoid doing things that would make Esther-sama look bad in Evelyn’s eyes." When she says that, I realize sothing.

’Why doesn’t Esther want to look bad to Evelyn-sama?... Is it serious? Does she actually have feelings for Evelyn-sama?’

"...Fine. I’ll stay away from the locked rooms..." It’s not like that would help protect Evelyn-sama anyway, so I have no reason to put her at risk.

"Good, we’ve reached an understanding... Esther-sama told to give you a treat if you accepted this quickly."

"So, know that you can now use the training room in the basent—a privilege you’ll have as long as you stay in line. And know that it’s far better than the training area you’re using now."

"So don’t waste Esther-sama’s generosity, or she can make you disappear faster than you could say [Sorry]," she says, vanishing quicker than I can notice.

"..."

’Just as I expected.’ I’m accumulating power precisely to have the strength to fight Esther. I know Esther will one day hurt Evelyn-sama irreversibly, and on that day, if I have enough power, I will fight her.