F-Rank Puppeteer!! But I'll be Queen, and I'm not a narcissist!!!!! Chapter 159: A Painful Love

I walk through the mansion hallways carrying a cake I made. Yesterday, after the fight with Esther, I realized I might have ssed up. I was impulsive, just as Esther always said during our training sessions.

When I’m "cornered," I tend to make stupid decisions. That’s what Esther said while comparing to a hamster being surrounded by a snake and jumping off a cliff even though it’s the sa as dying.

I shouldn’t have fought with Esther like that. I should have thought rationally and had a real conversation about it, even if the fact that she has such an ability was kind of scary.

But I let my frustration with her attempts to show love—which were so generic—mix with my fear, combined with a wrong decision, and created this ss.

And now, to try and make peace, I spent the rest of the night cooking after thinking a lot about our fight and realizing I need to fix this. The cake is pretty ugly, I admit, and I might have burned part of it, but I hid everything with filling and lots of lted chocolate, so it’s at least edible.

I don’t think she’ll forgive right away, and I’m not exactly going to apologize for what I said—just try to make peace—because I still believe that what I said was right to so extent.

She never did anything emotionally charged for , only things that weren’t really emotional, and in that, I’m right. But saying I hate the marriage and that I hate her was a lie.

During the last month we trained together and talked, I actually liked it. It was interesting, and she gave a lot of what I asked for. I even found out that the golden apple tree I had asked for earlier had already been ordered and is due to arrive soon.

"Hmmm..." It’s already quite bright outside from the sun. I guess Esther has had enough ti to calm down and see that things aren’t so bad between us.

’Though... I wonder how I can recover all the favorability I lost... It dropped so fast...’ If this were still a ga, considering the progress, such a thing would be a guaranteed Ga Over. But it’s not a ga, and I think I can fix this.

"Esther..." I knock on the door, waiting to hear Esther’s voice. Since she didn’t co to our room during the night, I believe she didn’t leave the study, but she doesn’t answer. So I knock just one more ti before opening the door.

"..."

I’m truly surprised by what I see. The room was turned upside down, with almost everything broken and holes in the walls, just as the desk is missing while the window is broken in the shape of the desk.

Esther is looking outside through the broken window. I shiver a little as I approach her, wanting to nd everything and try to fix it.

"Hey, Esther, can we talk? I... think we both said things we shouldn’t have... and maybe we jumped the gun a little, and I think so things between us broke irreversibly..."

"But I think... maybe we can try to fix this? I made a cake... I’ve never baked a cake before, so it’s a bit bad, and it’s very sweet... but I made it with lots of care..." I speak softly as she turns to .

"Hmmm... Very bold of you, Evelyn, trying to buy my affection again with a cake," she says, approaching. Her figure, more imposing and frightening than ever, makes look at the floor.

"I-I... just thought that maybe..."

"Maybe what, Evelyn? That you could fix the damage you did to our marriage? Funny you say that, but I didn’t hear an apology... urgh... never mind." She moves her hand, knocking the tray from my grasp as the cake shatters on the floor, white filling along with chocolate spreading everywhere.

"Get ready to leave."

"...?"

"Our father wants your presence at the castle. Sothing about sending you to the battlefield."

"!!! W-What?! But I’m weak!! H-He wouldn’t..." He would do that, and I know he would, since I’m the only one who hasn’t been sent to war yet.

"E-Esther, you... you wouldn’t do that, right?! I’ll die!! For real!! You’re going to let go to that barbaric, savage place!?" I say, scared of that!! Truly scared of having to go to the battlefield. I can barely handle the fake board-ga battles I have with Esther.

"...Evelyn, you said I did nothing for you that ca from my heart... If you had let finish yesterday, you would have known what I was going to say about what I did for you."

"Our father has wanted to send you to war for so ti, and I’ve been preventing that with excuses and delays, while training you so you’d be capable of handling war."

"But to you, I did nothing, right? All my effort and the risk I took defending you were nothing." When she says that, I feel like crying, because I didn’t know she did that.

"B-But I didn’t know..."

"Yes, Evelyn, you didn’t know. But you also didn’t bother to try to find out, did you? Since we got married, you never sought to learn more about in that way."

"If you had asked about , about how my day was, about what I did during the ti we weren’t together, I would have told you all of this... I tried to change for you, but you didn’t see that change. You only saw what you wanted to see, the benefits of ignoring reality."

"And now you try to fix it with a pathetic cake. I don’t accept this, Evelyn. I’m not soone who keeps giving second chances, and I don’t want to try to change for you anymore. I tried to change, and all I got was pain, ingratitude, and humiliation. Why would I change after such an experience?"

"Do you know how painful it was to hear that, to you, I didn’t even try? It was like stomping on all the effort I made, as if the fact that I was preventing you from being thrown onto a battlefield, even risking my reputation and standing with the Demon King, wasn’t worth anything."

"Maybe I wasn’t the only one who needed to change. You needed to as well, but you only knew how to judge instead of looking at yourself and seeing what was wrong. Now get out of here and go get ready."

"Our father won’t be as patient as I was with you. Yesterday, as soon as everything happened, I sent my servants to notify him that I had finished what I had to do. And with that, my father already knows you are ’free’ to go." As she says this, I try to speak, but she raises her hand, stopping .

"Don’t beg. Don’t ask to save you. Don’t make excuses. And don’t humiliate yourself in front of now. You no longer have the right to demand protection from , not after making clear what you think of our marriage."

"You can’t want help after humiliating like that while treating our eternal union like garbage. If you have even a shred of dignity left, get out of here and go to the castle."

"You can take your stupid dolls, and take that pathetic maid who apparently mattered more than our marriage, since you only ca to fight because I used magic on her head."

"And don’t expect any help from on the battlefield. You don’t even deserve the ti I’m still spending on you in this conversation."

"..." I look at her for a mont before just weakly nodding and starting to leave, realizing that I ruined everything, that I was very stupid and impulsive, and that I let fear destroy what we were building.

She’s right. I never asked to know more about her day. I was always too afraid of her and never acted; I only reacted to everything she did, going with the flow without really participating.

...

...

...

I look at Evelyn, who looks back at with a strange sadness. She lowers her head and starts to leave after everything I said to her. At least she didn’t beg for my help.

"..."

’Why do I feel like this?... I hate this...’ I feel shaken by all of this, a strange and unpleasant feeling that cos from the fact that I still have feelings for Evelyn.

I still... still love her, even after what she said. I know I still love her, because if I didn’t love her, I would have cut off her head and dismbered her body while torturing her slowly.

But I can’t just do that. Sothing stops —a sadness covered in hatred, the bitter feeling of love that is just hidden behind the hatred.

Even though I still love her, it’s a love I hid after yesterday, and it’s a love I know I can’t get rid of. So, since I can’t get rid of the love, I’ll get rid of the cause of it.

By letting Evelyn go to war, at least I won’t have to deal with this feeling. If I ignore her, it will eventually beco more bearable to feel this.

And even now, I feel worried. Worried that she might really die on the battlefield. If she had cried, begged for my help, and apologized, I would have broken and forgiven her.

"Why did she have to do this..." I murmur, my voice choked with sadness—a strange, painful sensation worse than any wound, a feeling that makes want to suppress everything I’m feeling.

’Is this love?... I don’t like it...’ I look at the door through which Evelyn left, my body burning with hatred for this feeling she forced to feel. As much as I don’t want her to get hurt, I also wish for her to suffer in the war, to regret what she caused .