The sorrow and remorse I felt made dizzy.
Everybody makes mistakes and wishes to go back in ti at so point, but with regret so all-consuming, with the need to change sothing in the past so evident, it is no more than the worst tornt.
There is no way to change the trajectory of a path that has already been taken, not when the way back is barred.
I looked at the blood and vomit before and noticed that ti seed to have halted.
When remorse overwhelms, when the path must be changed, when everything is already over but HAS to begin anew, another change, another life, another try, then what is left to do?
How to achieve the impossible with just your mind as your weapon and just your sorrow as your company?
"There is no fucking solution," I whispered.
"If there is neither a solution nor a way to live without said solution, then..."
"Kenneth. What can you do other than fucking die? Other than hoping that you won’t be reborn into one of the counterparts you have slaughtered?" I asked, slowly regaining myself as I lay bound to the overturned chair.
"Other than hoping that next ti, without mories and without the experiences you have gained, you will take a different path?"
There was no answer, which I figured, because the giant was already dead; his remaining mories, together with the deaths and chaos he had left behind, being the only evidence of his existence.
As I felt hands on my hips—my lifeline reminding that this was nothing other than a glimpse of the past, accompanied by the owner’s deepest feelings, which stemd from a closer past—blue smoke erged from the ground, and the picture changed.
From lying on the floor, I suddenly sat on Henry again, straddling him. I looked into his eyes and covered them with my hand before I placed my lips on his.
"Thanks."
I felt my real body again as I woke up from the hypnosis, this ti with an acquired mory that ca without overwhelming additional feelings.
"That approach was a good one." I said as I slowly opened my eyes.
"Then we will continue like this in the future," Dr. Lawrence nodded, and Henry pushed himself up from the door, coming to my side.
"How was it?"
"I want a smoke," I chuckled.
He pulled from the couch, and we left the room after I said my goodbye to the doctor.
"How was it?" Henry repeated, hanging on to , scrutinizing as we walked on.
"Much better." I didn’t explain until we were outside and each had a cigarette in hand.
I shortly reviewed what Henry knew about the giant so I wouldn’t slip up: The giant was my counterpart; he was not always a giant; he was a depressed kid, and I told him that I knew of soone who could open portals since a fall combined with a tumor that activated his pineal gland or whatever.
And he still hadn’t figured it out?
That the giant had been the beginning?
Or... did he figure it out and was planning his revenge silently?
I looked at Henry in front of with narrowed eyes, my gaze sharpening. There was only blind devotion and worry on his face...not even giving the chance to fall into another paranoid episode.
I took a deep drag from my cigarette and looked at the sky before closing my eyes in pain.
As long as he didn’t know that there had been another Emilia Henrietta Devin called Emily Devlin, whom the giant had grown up with, which had been made aware by the giant, gaining the ability to contact her other counterparts. ... As long as Henry didn’t know this, he couldn’t possibly piece anything together.
I lowered my head before looking straight at Henry.
"The giant left his ho, and the regret because of that lingers in each of his mories. That’s what I saw and felt during the hypnosis."
Henry nodded slowly before mumbling absentmindedly,
"Can we exorcise him out of you if we fulfill his regrets?"
I laughed and tapped my cigarette.
"The giant is dead, so there is no need for that. These mories are what I took from him, together with his life." I just needed the fucking headaches to stop and to get his power either out of or under control.
Henry’s eyes snapped to before he nodded again and looked at the ground like a droopy little dog.
"Wanna hear my opinion about that motherfucker?" I asked him, taking another drag.
"Yes."
"A guy drifting into delusions, unable to cope with his existence as a human. Just your average lunatic, wanting to be soone special that he wasn’t, this fucking crazy..." I stopped, suddenly thinking of what I had seen from his childhood, and changed what I intended to say.
"Just soone... depressed and sad." Soone who would have probably killed himself if he hadn’t been given an ability he shouldn’t have.
"Your counterpart from the Commander world, who is currently in prison, said that everyone is able to do anything given the right circumstances," Henry said, as if telling not to hate the giant too much, maybe because he still viewed it as so variation of myself, the one he was so devoted to.
It makes sick to be even remotely related to any of my counterparts. It makes my skin crawl that Henry could view them as or as them.
If sothing ever happened to , and Henry went to one of my counterparts to be blindly devoted to them... Well, this would be a reason for killing them ahead of ti.
Not for power or experiences, but simply because they could be sought out as your replacent, like Henrietta had done with her parents.
Would you do that, Henry?
Would you ever look at soone else like you look at , no matter if they are my counterparts or soone that has nothing to do with ?
Because... there is a good chance I would co back from the dead to eradicate their existence if that were the case.
"Which is probably true. I hate my counterparts nevertheless, if only because of the possibility that I could have turned out like them if just my childhood had been a bit different. That fucks up badly."
Why was I ’different’, albeit not so much, if we think about my recent behavior?
Because of luck?
No, it was a coin that had been flipped, circumstances that had been dealt out like cards, a destiny that had been assigned by random: live with it or die with it; it was just that, and only that.
Henry’s hand grabbed my jaw, forcing to look at his face as it ca closer, in his eyes that bound more than rope or a chain ever could.
"But you turned out to be the best of them, better than each and every one of us."
Ah... I am so fucking in love with your devotion to ; I can’t tell you how greedy I am for that side of yours.
"Kiss ." I commanded, looking at his lips, his white teeth, and his beauty mark before I ca back to the eyes, so full of emotions.
When his lips t mine, the feeling of his tongue invading and the usual hunger and lust he displayed gave the answer to my prior question, if I wanted to accept it or not.
And that was: there was only , and there would be only .
Why...? If I disappeared, you would just destroy cities, grow your hair, turn your eyes silver, and start developing a strange taste in music?
Fine by ; then I wouldn’t have to co back from the dead because of plain, simple jealousy.
User Comments
0 comments from readers