Saturday morning hit like a brick to the face at 5:30 AM, and I was staring at my phone wondering when my life had beco a military operation. Twenty-seven ssages in the group chat. Seventeen individual texts from four different girls. One missed call from Vivienne at 5:22 AM because apparently sleep was for people who weren’t running vampire cafes.
I rolled off the couch, stepping over Gerald the unicorn who judged with his glassy black eyes. Even a stuffed animal knew I was in over my head.
"Morning, sunshine." Iris appeared in the kitchen doorway wearing yesterday’s clothes and holding her phone. "Sarah’s coming with us."
Sarah. Right. The friend who taught my fourteen-year-old sister about eyeliner techniques and the proper way to manipulate boys through strategic hair flipping. I’d t Sarah exactly twice, and both tis she looked at like I was a particularly interesting specin she wanted to dissect.
"Sarah Chen-Williams. The one who thinks New York is just like ani."
"That’s the one!" Iris grinned, completely missing my lack of enthusiasm. "She’s so excited. She’s been planning her outfit for three weeks."
I poured coffee into my least cracked mug and contemplated the day ahead. Drive to the Valentine estate. Pick up my costu and my sanity. Drive back to Hartwell with Iris and her gyaru-wannabe friend. Serve thed drinks to rich teenagers while wearing fangs. Try not to spontaneously combust when Cassidy looked at .
Simple.
Sure.
My phone buzzed. Vivienne, naturally.
"Arrival ti confirmation needed. Setup begins at 0800. Kitchen prep requires 45 minutes. Costu fitting allocated 20 minutes. Please respond imdiately."
I typed back: "On my way."
She responded in thirty seconds: "Inadequate specificity. ETA required."
God, I wanted to kiss her bossy mouth until she forgot what a spreadsheet was.
I texted back: "7:30."
"Acceptable. Drive safely."
The fact that she cared about my safety made sothing warm and dangerous unfurl in my chest. I slamd the coffee back and grabbed my keys.
"Let’s go collect your friend before I change my mind."
Twenty minutes later, I was standing outside a row house in South Philly while Iris rang the doorbell. The door opened to reveal Sarah Chen-Williams, and my first thought was: this girl was going to get my sister arrested.
Sarah was fourteen but dressed like she had raided a Japanese fashion magazine. Platform Mary Janes that added four inches to her height. A pleated skirt short enough to qualify as a belt. Thigh-highs with little bows at the top. A crop top that showed enough midriff to make nuns weep. Her hair was styled in elaborate pigtails with enough accessories to stock a Claire’s, and her makeup was a masterpiece of glitter, false lashes, and lip gloss that could blind pilots.
She took one look at and her eyes went wide.
"Holy shit, you’re hot."
"Sarah!" Iris smacked her arm.
"What? I’m just being honest. Iris, you didn’t tell your brother looks like an ani protagonist."
I ran a hand through my two-toned ss of hair and wondered if it was too late to fake food poisoning. "Nice to et you too, Sarah."
She bounced on her platform heels. "This is so exciting! I’ve never been to Manhattan before. Are we really going to a private school? With actual rich kids? Oh my god, did you think any of them would look like the guys in my oto gas?"
Iris shot an apologetic look. I shot her back a look that said your friend is insane and I’m questioning all my life choices.
"Car. Now. Before I co to my senses."
The drive to Long Island was an experience I’d never recover from. Sarah spent the first hour taking selfies and asking approximately four hundred questions about New York, rich people, and whether I thought any of the Valentine sisters would want to be friends with her.
"I follow Harlow on Instagram," she announced, pressing her face to the window as we crossed the bridge. "She’s so pretty. And Vivienne is like, scary hot. The kind of hot that makes you want to apologize for existing."
"Please stop talking about my employers."
"Employers?" Sarah turned in her seat, pigtails swishing. "Iris said you’re dating all four of them."
I nearly drove into the guardrail. "I’m not—that’s not—Iris, what exactly did you tell her?"
"The truth!" Iris grinned from the backseat. "Sarah, show him the fanart you drew."
"Oh my god, yes!" Sarah dug through her purse and produced a folded piece of paper. "I drew you as a vampire lord with your harem. Iris said you were wearing fangs today so I gave you really long ones. And I put the sisters in maid outfits because—"
"I’m not looking at that." I focused on the road and tried to ignore the heat climbing my neck. "Also, please stop calling them my harem."
"What should I call them then?"
"Nothing. Call them nothing."
Sarah giggled. "You’re blushing! Oh my god, Iris, he’s totally blushing!"
"I can see that." Iris sounded way too amused. "Sarah, wait until you et them. They’re all gorgeous and terrifying in completely different ways."
"I know! I’ve been practicing my introduction. I wanted to make a good impression."
This could only end badly.
We pulled through the Valentine estate gates at 7:28, and Sarah’s reaction was everything I expected and worse. She pressed both hands to the window and made a sound like a dying animal.
"Holy shit, they live in a castle!"
"Language," I muttered, parking near the main entrance.
"Sorry, holy fudge, they live in a castle!"
The front door opened before we reached it, and Mrs. Tanaka appeared with her usual perfect timing. Her expression didn’t change when she took in Sarah’s outfit, which was impressive considering Sarah looked like she’d fallen into a costu shop and decided to wear everything at once.
"Good morning, Isaiah. The young ladies are waiting in the east parlor."
"Young ladies?" Sarah whispered to Iris. "She talks like we’re in a period drama!"
Mrs. Tanaka led us through the foyer, and I watched Sarah’s head swivel like an owl on speed. She was trying to look at everything at once—the paintings, the chandelier, the marble floor that probably cost more than my apartnt building.
"This is like Bridgerton but with more money," she breathed.
We reached the east parlor, and my brain short-circuited.
Four identical girls sat around a low table, but they weren’t the Valentine sisters I knew. These were creatures designed by so sadistic god specifically to destroy my remaining sanity.
Vivienne sat with perfect posture in what could only be described as a high-class vampire costu. Black corset that did illegal things to her figure. A burgundy silk skirt that hugged her hips. Thigh-high stockings with intricate lace tops. Her hair was styled in an elegant updo with strategic strands framing her face, and she wore just enough makeup to make her purple eyes look otherworldly.
Sabrina lounged in a reading chair wearing a gothic librarian fantasy. Black button-up shirt tied at her waist. Pleated mini skirt. Knee-high boots with delicate buckles. Her long hair spilled over one shoulder, and she held a leather-bound book like a prop. The whole effect was I could corrupt you with literature and make you like it.
Harlow bounced in her seat wearing what I could only call weaponised cute. Frilly maid dress with a short skirt and an apron that served no functional purpose. White thigh-highs with little hearts at the top. A headband with small bat wings that should have looked ridiculous but instead made her look like a fairy tale co to life. She was practically glowing with excitent.
And Cassidy...
Cassidy was wearing a battle dress.
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