(Read the previous Chapter again for this Chapter.)
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This ti, Yang Ze didn’t answer either. He just stayed in his unmoving position quietly.
"It’s fine if you don’t want to answer it now." The woman rely let out a soft chuckle as she slowly picked up the oars and began to push the boat forward, gently drifting into the endless ocean.
There was no wind... no sound of insects or birds... just absolute silence. Occassionally, slow, circular currents tugged at the hull as if the sea itself was breathing. The lamp placed at the very front, which was illuminating the boat and the surrounding area, kept on swaying gently, but its light never touched the edge of the darkness. No matter how far Yang Ze strained his eyes, the water beyond the illuminated area remained devoured by an absolute, all-consuming darkness.
After rowing the boat for a while, the woman finally stopped. Sitting there leisurely with her back to him, she rested her hands on the idle oars in the water.
"So..." She once again broke the silence. "have you decided?"
Yang Ze swallowed a mouthful of saliva, but felt a burning sensation in his throat. He wanted to move... to stand up, but his body refused to move.
In the end, he could only give up before asking in a hoarse voice.
"Decide what?"
He didn’t know what she was trying to say again.
Hearing his response, the woman couldn’t help but laugh under her breath.
Her bell-like voice echoed in Yang Ze’s ears as she gently tapped the idle oars in her hands.
"You listened to the story. You followed it from the first crack in the mast to the dawn that followed. You understand what I am talking about now."
This ti, Yang Ze gazed deeply at her back. He knew there was no escape from his conversation. Sooner or later, he had to face it.
He had thought about it many tis before and always reached a different conclusion. But now... for the first ti, he felt a fire burning in his heart. He wanted to shout... He wanted to scream...
It took all his strength to keep his emotions in check as he simply closed his eyes and when he reopened them... There was a firm expression in them. It was as if he had made a decision... it was as if he had co to a conclusion.
Taking a deep breath, for the first ti, Yang Ze decided to give an honest answer.
"I understand the shape you gave it."
Yang Ze’s solemn voice filled the air as he spoke further.
"But that doesn’t an I accept it."
The woman’s hand tightened around the oars as she began to row once again, barely disturbing the surface.
"Acceptance..." She muttered under her breath, "is rely wisdom arriving late."
Yang Ze rely scoffed at her. He tried to move his limbs, but he still couldn’t rise. Earlier, he thought it was due to exhaustion, but now, he realised that it was much more than that. So kind of invisible chains seed to be locking him down.
In the end, he could only give up on his futile struggle and look at the woman’s back before continuing his conversation.
"You told a story about the sea." With a short pause, he spoke further. "But you spoke as if the sea were a judge."
"Isn’t it?" The woman rely asked in a soft voice.
"It takes without malice. It spares without kindness."
"Those who learn its rhythm live, and those who fight it drown."
"What is it if not the judge?"
Listening to her, Yang Ze stayed silent for a while before shaking his head in refusal.
"That’s not judgnt." With a grave voice, he spoke further.
"That’s indifference."
"Call it what you want." The woman rely shrugged her shoulders. "The result is the sa."
"The boat stayed afloat, and the children lived."
Exhaling a mouthful of air, she continued her speech.
"They ate... they slept... the hull did not split, and the sea did not claim them."
"And the price?" Yang Ze asked, but one could clearly feel his exhaustion and helplessness in his voice.
The woman didn’t answer imdiately but tilted her head slightly, as if listening to sothing far away.
"Everything costs sothing." She replied in a flat tone.
"That is the first lesson the sea teaches."
"You don’t ask whether the cost is fair or just. You ask whether you can pay it or not."
"Heh." Listening to her, Yang Ze almost let out a laugh.
"You speak as if endurance itself were a virtue."
"It is." The woman replied without hesitation. "When there are no good choices left."
"NO", Yang Ze’s voice raised a bit as he shook his head violently while his eyes almost spewed out flas, wanting to incinerate the woman in front of him.
"Endurance is what remains when virtue has already failed."
This statent of Yang Ze made the woman’s body tremble in response. She couldn’t help but tighten her fingers around the oar while gritting her teeth and speaking in anger.
"YOU THINK VIRTUE FEEDS EMPTY MOUTHS?" She almost smashed the oar behind her.
"You think it patches torn sails?"
"You think it keeps the dark away at night?"
Yang Ze quietly listened to her maddening voice before shaking his head and speaking in a soft voice.
"I think..." He looked at her back before continuing further, "that when you call suffering ’virtue’, you are trying to make it holy enough that no one can question it."
"...."
"...."
The scene plunged into silence for a long ti as the two of them sat there quietly. Event he water underneath them lapped softly against the boat, as though amused by their heated argunt.
It was at this mont that the woman suddenly let out a soft chuckle. But in her laughter, Yang Ze could feel a sense of sadness.
"You question it now." The woman muttered softly under her breath. "And what does that change?"
"It changes who owns it," Yang Ze answered.
The woman’s body trembled slightly as she grabbed the oars and resud rowing. The boat once again began to drift aimlessly in the darkness, guided by the small lantern at the front.
The two of them sat there in silence for a good while when the woman broke the silence.
"Everyone aboard had a role." She seed like she wasn’t going to give up this easily.
"The sea doesn’t care for feelings. Only balance."
"Weight must be distributed. Soone steers, soone catches the fish, soone bears the strain..."
"And you decided who that would be?" Yang Ze interrupted her mid-sentence.
"I..." The woman gritted her teeth. " The sailor’s wife did what had to be done."
"That’s not an answer," Yang Ze replied. "That’s a slogan."
For the first ti, the woman’s body faltered as the oars almost dropped from her hands.
"You speak as if choice existed," she muttered under her breath, "As if there was a path where no one suffered."
"I speak as if choosing who suffers is still a choice." Yang Ze said while shaking his head. "Even when all options are rotten."
The woman sitting on the boat couldn’t help but scoff.
"Easy words, spoken from the deck after the storm has passed."
This ti, Yang Ze’s face hardened as he looked deeply at the woman’s back.
"You keep talking about the storm." He spoke while gritting his teeth. "But storms end."
"What you were defending wasn’t warther. It was a decision that repeated itself."
The oars in the woman’s hands finally stopped rowing the boat as an eerie silence filled the air.
For a mont, the air was filled with the sll of gunpowder.
"You think repetition makes it worse?" The woman asked, but this ti, her voice was cold.
"It makes it deliberate."
The boat once again plunged into an eerie silence. Other than the sound of breathing, there was nothing else. But to Yang Ze, even the sound of breathing was deafening.
It wasn’t until a few more minutes passed that the woman finally spoke.
"The son of the sailor was strong enough."
"Strong enough to hold the wheel when others couldn’t. Strong enough to carry what would have crushed weaker hands."
"Hahahahaha." Listening to her, Yang Ze couldn’t help but laugh, but there was no joy in his laughter. It felt like a hollow, forced laugh.
"That’s how you excuse it?" Wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes, he asked. "By calling it strength?"
"Would you prefer weakness?" This ti, the woman finally snapped.
"Would you prefer the boat splintered and everyone swallowed?"
Yang Ze didn’t answer her but looked at her back with what seed like a smile as his eyes were filled with disappointnt.
He opened his mouth a few tis to speak, but would close it again. In the end, he finally managed to say what he wanted to say the most.
"You confused strength with availability."
His words echoed strangely in this silence, bouncing off the water.
"Strenght..." He took a deep breath as he continued, "is choosing to bear weight. Not having it nailed to your spine because soone else is afraid."
The woman’s shoulders stiffened, and her body trembled for a mont, but she regained her self before gritting her teeth in response.
"You think fear disqualifies responsibility?"
"No." Yang Ze shook his head with a smile. "I think fear explains actions. It doesn’t sanctify them."
The lamp in front of the boat flickered as the tension between the two grew more and more.
The woman quietly nodded as if thinking about sothing before speaking softly. This ti, her voice had a rather strange sense of calm.
"Things began breaking long before the sea turned black..." With a sigh, she continued, "before the mast fell... before the nights grew cold."
The mont shes finished speaking, Yang Ze felt his chest tighten.
It took him all his effort to turn his head away, not looking at the woman sitting in front of him.
"I know..." he couldn’t help but mutter in a soft tone.
His head kept on turning around, wanting to avert his gaze away, not daring to look at the woman.
"Tell ..." The woman’s gentle voice sounded in his ears.
"If a crack appears in the hull... do you bla the water for entering?"
This ti, Yang Ze replied with his eyes closed.
"No." It took all his strength to speak this single word.
"But, I bla whoever decided to pretend the crack wasn’t there."
"You speak as if cracks appear without cause." The woman rely scoffed at his reasoning.
"They don’t," Yang Ze agreed. "But not every cause creates ownership."
This ti, the woman fully turned around, but Yang Ze still didn’t dare to look at her. He kept his eyes closed, with his irregular breathing and a heartbeat that one could hear a mile away in this silence.
The woman didn’t make any move, but rely looked at the lying Yang Ze with his eyes closed.
"If a hand sets the first stone rolling," She said, "can it complain when the avalanche follows?"
Yang Ze answered without even raising his voice or opening his eyes.
"If that were true," he spoke in a soft voice, "then anyone who ever acts would forfeit the right to resist harm forever."
In an instant, the sea grew restless, as if wanting to bury him forever in it.
Yang Ze, of course, still didn’t open his eyes. He rely kept them shut.
"That’s how responsibility works," the woman insisted. "You don’t get to choose which consequences you accept."
"You are wrong." Yang Ze rely shook his head in response. "Responsibility is not submission. It is an acknowledgent."
"And what’s the difference?" The woman’s voice increased in pitch.
Yang Ze didn’t give an imdiate reply but took deep breaths, as if he were afraid of not having enough air to breathe.
It wasn’t until a few minutes passed that he finally opened his mouth to speak.
"Acknowledgnt says, ’I see what followed.’ And submission says, ’Therefore, anything done to is deserved.’"
"Heh." The woman couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as she shook her head.
"You keep using ugly words," she spoke in a grim tone. "As if naming things differently would change their weight."
"It does," Yang Ze replied in a solemn tone. "Nas shape aning."
"Then na it." The woman finally shed all pretences as her voice increased in pitch, almost filling the entire ocean.
"What was it? Was it a sin, that union? Or was it salvation?"
This ti, Yang Ze didn’t stay quiet. Instead, he opened his eyes, but still didn’t dare to look at the woman in the face. He rely looked at her ample breasts hidden under those loose clothes before letting out a soft sigh.
"For the wife..." his voice reverberated throughout the ocean. "it was survival disguised as righteousness."
"And for the boy?" The woman tapped her fingers on the oars.
"For the boy..." Yang Ze nodded slightly, "it was being turned into a tool and told it was love."
The ocean underneath them finally surged, rocking the boat.
"THE BOY LIVED." The woman’s sharp voice tore through the air. "Isn’t that proof enough?"
"Living is not proof of justification," Yang Ze shook his head in response. "Even weeds live."
This ti, the woman’s breath hitched as she nodded while gritting her teeth.
"You think the boy is above the sea now?" she asked.
"You think refusing the current makes him pure?"
"No. Of course not." Yang Ze rely let out a soft chuckle. "It makes him honest."
This ti, the woman was unable to sit still. With a cold snort, she stood, and with her, the boat dipped dangerously.
The light from the lamp made her shadow stretch long across the deck, even darkening Yang Ze’s view, whose eyes were now stuck at the woman’s feet.
"You talk as if you have answers." The woman’s annoyed voice sounded in Yang Ze’s ears.
"But all I hear is soone who refuses to accept the cost of his own existence."
This ti, she had shed all the pretences. No longer talking about the sailor’s son, but instead addressing him directly.
Listening to her, for the first ti, Yang Ze didn’t feel any fear or the peace he was hoping for... but certainty.
Taking a deep breath, a bitter smile ford on his face as he exhaled a mouthful of air.
"I accept the cost," he rely nodded in response. "But I reject the invoice that you keep trying to hand ."
This ti, the woman stared deeply at the boy who was still refusing to look her in the eyes.
"You would tear the boat apart for pride?" The woman asked as if wanting to make sure.
"I would rather sink," Yang Ze spoke in a firm tone, "than float on a lie that demands my silence."
The woman’s body trembled in anger as she nodded with maniacal laughter.
"That’s what you think," she said while gritting her teeth. "But the sea doesn’t reward defiance."
With that, she moved, and before Yang Ze could react, picked him up by his collar, forcing him to look at her.
"....."
"....."
Yang Ze desperately tried not to, but he seed to be under the influence of sothing, making his head automatically turn towards the woman’s face before he finally saw her face.
It was empty.
There were no eyes, no nose, no lips, no mouth, nothing...
The woman in front of him didn’t even have a face.
"Heh."
"You talk big for soone who doesn’t even rember my face."
With a laugh, she then lifted Yang Ze’s body before bringing him to the edge of the boat and finally....
She let go of him.
Letting him drop into the endless dark ocean that seed to devour everything.
"Uggghhhhhh..." Yang Ze’s eyes widened in terror as he desperately tried to swim, but no matter how hard he tried, he kept on falling down and down.
At one point, the boat above him seed to have disappeared, and so had the light with it. What was left was endless darkness, ever-present around him.
And just when Yang Ze was terrified out of his mind, he suddenly felt a soft hand grab his wrist from behind.
The grip was gentle... too gentle...
The grip didn’t pull him, instead it held him with a familiarity that he had almost forgotten.
Yang Ze slowly turned around, with his heartbeat increasing at a rapid pace.
In the darkness, he saw a rather young face drifting towards him...
Soft... familiar and impossibly close.
In that instant, Yang Ze’s heart froze as recognition struck him before he opened his mouth to scream in terror.
But his scream never reached the surface.
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"YANG ZE!"
In an instant, Yang Ze’s eyes flew open as his body and mind were overwheld with pain.
He looked around in confusion, only to see the familiar yet unfamiliar veiled woman in front of him, who had a frown upon her face.
Yang Ze first looked at her, then at his surroundings and finally at the starry sky before abruptly letting out a maniacal laughter.
"AHAHAHA..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHHA..."
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
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