Two days had passed since the hostage exchange went sideways at the Golden Nugget Hotel, and i was still struggling with it way more than she expected to.
She’d prepared herself for the worst. Told herself she was ready for it, that she had made her peace with the idea of not coming back. But when it actually happened, when it actually fell apart — it hit her harder than she ever thought it would. Turns out telling yourself you’re ready for sothing and actually being ready for it are two very different things.
That was probably part of why she’d snapped at Ryan the way she did. Stupid. Unfair. He was doing his best for her and she’d just unloaded all that bottled-up fear and tension straight onto him like he deserved it. Thinking about it now only made her feel worse, smaller, sohow. More pathetic than she already felt lying in that bed staring at the ceiling.
And then there were the things she said. The things she asked. Like whether he would’ve been this patient if it had been Rachel or Sydney in her place instead.
That one ca out almost before she knew it was coming. Not like her at all. She wasn’t the type to ask questions like that, fishing, insecure, transparent. Yet there it was, hanging in the air between them the mont she said it.
She wasn’t blind, after all. She’d noticed the strange current running between Ryan, Rachel, Sydney and Cindy. They were careful about it, sure. Subtle enough that most people probably wouldn’t catch it. But i had always been observant, too observant for her own comfort sotis and it didn’t take long before the pieces clicked into sothing she couldn’t unclick. Nothing official, no labels or declarations. Just the way they moved around each other, the looks, the small things. It was enough.
It was weird. Strange in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Ryan had always struck her as a faithful kind of man, not soone who’d let things get complicated like that on purpose. She figured he probably hadn’t. More like he got pulled into it by circumstances he didn’t entirely see coming, though she had no idea how it all actually started and honestly didn’t know if she wanted to.
"How stupid..." She muttered, rolling over on the bed, mostly berating herself.
Because even knowing all of that, she was still sitting here holding onto so ridiculous, formless little hope. Sothing she couldn’t even picture clearly in her head, more like a feeling than a real thought.
No. She didn’t want to go down that road.
It was easier, in a twisted kind of way, to let herself think about a possibility that would probably never happen. Comfortable in the way that totally useless things sotis are. So she’d put a stop to it the only way she knew how, by saying sothing harsh to Ryan. Shutting the door on it herself before sothing else could.
That didn’t an she’d ant it, of course. When she told him she was fine where she was, that was a lie and she knew it when she said it. She still wanted out of this place. Still planned on leaving. What had happened with Rebecca and Ryan had planted so real doubts about staying with his group long-term, but at the very bare minimum, she wanted to get out of here. That much hadn’t changed.
She held onto that thought, used it to push herself upright. Sat on the edge of the bed for a second, then stood.
It was already past noon. She’d woken up in the morning like a normal person and then just... stayed. Sa thing she did yesterday. Door closed, curtains doing their job, herself doing a very convincing impression of soone who didn’t exist.
But she knew she couldn’t keep that up. Every extra day here was a risk she couldn’t afford. She had to move. Had to leave.
She pulled herself together, opened the door and stepped out, making her way down the stairs at a slow, asured pace.
She’d assud Keith had already gone by now, he wasn’t exactly the type to stick around quietly, but the second she stepped outside, she heard him before she even saw him.
"Don’t take for an idiot! Sothing happened to Lucy, right?! Tell what!" He had one of Callighan’s n by the shirt, both hands fisted in the fabric, his face up close and furious.
The man didn’t even flinch. He just looked down at Keith with an unbothered expression that made it clear he couldn’t care less, then shoved him off like he was nothing. Keith hit the concrete hard, landing square on his backside.
"Be grateful we’re even feeding you, Keith," the man said, already turning away, already done with the conversation.
Keith sat there on the ground, and for a second he just stared at nothing. Then his fist ca down against the concrete, hardly.
"Damn it!" He cursed punching down.
"There isn’t even a single day you go without picking a fight or making noise, is there?" i asked, coming to a stop a couple of feet away from him.
Keith turned his head toward her and scoffed, looking her over like she was the last person he expected to see standing there.
"What are you doing out here? I was pretty sure you’d already gone." His tone wasn’t cruel, just blunt the way he always was.
"Things happened," she said shortly, not in the mood to get into it.
"What, your group ditched you?" He pushed himself up off the ground, brushing off the back of his pants. "That why you’ve been locked in your room for two days straight without so much as cracking the door open?" There was a mocking lilt to his voice as he said it, but the question was real enough.
i’s eyes narrowed.
"Don’t you dare take your anger out on . It’s unsightly," she snapped, already turning to walk away. Her mood, already fragile to begin with, had curdled fast. She’d co out here wanting to talk about getting out of this place and now she just wanted to be done with the whole conversation.
Keith watched her go, clenching his teeth. But sothing made him reach out. His hand caught her arm, fingers wrapping around it enough to stop her in her tracks.
"Alright... sorry." It ca out low, a little rough, like the word didn’t sit easy in his mouth. But he ant it.
i turned to look at him. He t her eyes and there was sothing genuinely apologetic in his expression.
She felt sothing odd pass through her.
It wasn’t just her complicated, ssy feelings toward Ryan playing tricks on her. She was almost certain of that. Because standing here looking at Keith, hot-headed, loud, stubborn Keith, she could see it clearly. He reminded her of Ryan. Not in every way, not even in most ways, but in sothing underneath all of it. Sothing in how he carried himself, how he refused to just roll over and take it even when that would’ve been the easier choice.
Ryan, of course, was different. Keith was no superhuman and everyone around here knew it, including Keith himself. Didn’t stop him from squaring up to n twice his size though. She could respect that, at least. That part she genuinely appreciated.
Her eyes dropped to where his hand was still closed around her arm. Keith caught her glance and pulled back quickly, suddenly looking like he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands.
"So," he said, clearing his throat, "are you still up for it or what?"
"What do you think?" i asked, crossing her arms.
He shrugged. "I don’t know. After whatever went down in Atlantic City, maybe you just gave up. Maybe you decided staying here wasn’t so bad."
i let out a short, dry snort.
"Maybe your brain has rotted after spending months in this place," she said, "but I have zero intention of staying here. Unlike you, who doesn’t seem to really mind all that much."
Keith’s expression twisted like she’d said sothing that genuinely stung.
"I’d rather die than stay here."
"I’d rather die than stay in this hell."
They both said it at almost the exact sa mont, voices overlapping just enough that they both caught it. Keith blinked, then raised an eyebrow at her, actually caught off guard for once.
A beat of silence stretched between them. Then he scratched the back of his head and a slow smile crept onto his face.
"Well," he said, "I guess we both got our answers."
i felt the corner of her mouth pull up despite herself.
"We did."
"So what’s the plan?" Keith asked, falling into step beside her as they both started drifting in the direction of wherever the food was being handed out.
"I need to talk to Tommy," i replied.
"Then talk to him. Callighan’s been giving you more room lately, hasn’t he?" He glanced at her sideways. "Sa with , weirdly enough. Ever since he got back."
It was true. Sothing had shifted after Callighan’s return, nothing dramatic, nothing that changed the fundantal situation, but the leash had gotten a little longer. And at least Liam wasn’t breathing down their necks anymore. Small rcies.
"You call that freedom?" i said. "We’re still being watched. Every move."
"Sure," Keith said, "but nobody’s glued to your back anymore."
"It’s still suffocating," she muttered.
He was quiet for a second. "I don’t know, just, find so excuse to get him alone. Make sothing up."
i cut him a look. "I’d rather not entertain your stupid suggestions, thanks."
"You got sothing better?" He shot back, scoffing.
She didn’t answer right away. Her brow furrowed as she turned the problem over in her head, working through it quietly the way she always did.
"We don’t need an excuse," she said finally, more to herself than to him. "We just need to put him in a situation where he has to be around . Sothing natural. Sothing that doesn’t look like we’re trying."
"Oh." Keith processed that for a second, then the smile ca back, sharper this ti, a little more like a plan forming behind his eyes. "Yeah. Actually... I think I’ve got sothing."
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