The heat was unbearable.
The Imperial Capital felt like the middle of sumr, the sun beating down on the stones, the air stagnant, not a breeze entering through the open windows of the newly purchased house.
Everyone was lying around the living room like corpses, too exhausted to do anything.
Haru lay on her back on the wooden floor (the only cool place), wearing only shorts, holding the mission paper above her face.
"We’ll finish this mission in a second..." he murmured, reading it again. "Initiate Tier II? Giant rats? Seriously?"
Kira was sprawled on the sofa, her tail hanging to the side. "Master... it’s too hot to exist..."
Isabela sat on the floor leaning against the wall, her red hair tied in a ssy bun, fanning herself with an improvised fan. "Not even the balcony is good for air... it’s worse outside."
Yukihi was the only one animated, drawing on the floor with colored chalk they had bought. "Heat is good! Like a bonfire!"
"Daughter... it doesn’t help." Haru sighed.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
Everyone froze.
They looked at each other.
"Who is it?" Kira asked.
"I don’t know, go see." Haru replied without moving.
"You’re the owner of the house."
"Technically, Isabela paid."
Isabela threw her fan at him. "Go open the door!"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
More insistent now.
Haru got up grumbling, still only in his shorts, went to the door and opened it.
On the other side: a man of about forty, flashy clothes, a purple suit with gold details, an erald green vest, a yellow bow tie, wavy hair perfectly styled with gel, a thin, carefully trimd mustache, round glasses with gold fras.
He held a clipboard and pen, a professional smile on his face.
"Gooooood morning!" His voice was sing-song, gesturing wildly. "I’m Flavius Elegantius, official inspector of the Adoption and Child Welfare Departnt! I’ve co to inspect the couple who wish to adopt the minor Yukihi!"
He looked Haru up and down; he was only wearing shorts, sweaty, and disheveled.
He wrote on his clipboard: "Male applicant: received inspector completely NAKED."
"I’m not..." Haru began.
"WAIT!" Isabela shouted from inside. "HARU, GO PUT SOTHING ON!"
Isabela pulled Haru inside and slamd the door in the inspector’s face.
"Give five minutes!" she shouted through the door.
"Oh, sure, sure! No rush!" Flavius replied cheerfully.
Isabela turned to the group in total panic. "THE INSPECTION WAS TODAY!?"
"I thought it was tomorrow or next week!" Haru desperately searched for a shirt.
"The house is a ss!" Kira pointed to the floor covered in Yukihi’s drawings, scattered cups, and clothes thrown about.
One of the Valtherion guards, the one who had bought the prosthetic leg, literally jumped out the window, running down the street using mana to accelerate.
"WHERE IS HE GOING!?" Haru shouted.
"TO BUY THINGS!" The other guard shouted back, already organizing furniture.
Five minutes of absolute chaos:
Kira cleaning the floor at fox speed;
Isabela arranging furniture;
Haru searching for decent clothes;
Yukihi being dressed in pretty clothes;
Guards running everywhere.
The guard who had left returned through the window carrying a huge bag.
He threw it to Kira: "PUT IT ON!"
It was a complete maid outfit, a classic black and white dress, apron, and cap.
"WHAT!?" Kira’s eyes widened. "NO TI! GET DRESSED!"
Kira got dressed, complaining loudly, but when she was ready... she looked good. Very good.
"I look like a real servant..." she murmured, looking at herself.
"BECAUSE YOU’RE A SERVANT NOW!" Isabela shouted. "PRETEND!"
KNOCK KNOCK.
A polite knock again.
Kira, now completely made up, took a deep breath, straightened her posture, and opened the door with a professional smile.
"Welco to the Mizuki-Valtherion residence~" she said sweetly, bowing.
Flavius blinked in surprise. "Oh! What a magnificent transformation!"
He entered, assessing everything: clean house, organized furniture, the scent of flowers (Isabela had hastily sprayed perfu everywhere).
Then he encountered one of the guards dressed as an improvised butler, black suit, white gloves, erect posture.
The guard bowed. "Mr. Haru and Miss Isabela await you in the living room."
Flavius noted: "Butler present. Good impression."
He was led to the living room.
And there he found Haru.
Seated in an armchair with his legs crossed, with supre elegance, a perfectly tailored black tuxedo (where they got it so quickly, nobody knows), hair combed back with gel, aristocratic posture.
Yukihi was on his lap, all dressed up in a white dress, Haru teaching her to read a children’s book in a calm and polite voice.
But Haru’s right eye was bruised, swollen, a clear mark from a punch.
"Oh! You’ve co!" Haru looked up with theatrical surprise. "Of surprise! What an unexpected honor!"
He rose with supre elegance, carefully helping Yukihi to her feet.
"Yukihi, go call your mother."
"Yes, Daddy!" She ran off.
Haru shook his tuxedo with a studied movent, took gold-frad glasses from his pocket and put them on only one eye, an improvised monocle.
He walked to Flavius with asured steps, extending his hand for a formal handshake.
"It is with inexpressible delight that I receive Your Excellency in our modest, yet most dignified abode," said Haru with a smile of calculated arrogance, bowing slightly. "Hohohohohoh~"
Flavius shook his hand with theatrical elegance, his eyes gleaming with pure ostentation.
"Equally delighted and honored by your august presence!"
Flavius stared at Haru’s black eye. "However... I notice that Your Lordship has a considerable eye contusion. Allow to inquire: what aesthetic misfortune has befallen you?"
Haru didn’t hesitate for a mont. He touched the swollen eye with his fingertips, as if it were a precious relic.
"Ah, this? A re emblem of my dual vocation. Besides being a magnanimous family provider and exemplary patriarch, I am also a duly registered adventurer in the august Null Horizon Guild. An insignificant setback during a mission of utmost danger."
(In truth, Isabela had punched him two minutes ago because he didn’t want to be the "elegant father" but the "cool hunter father")
Haru adjusted his monocle with a refined gesture. "True elegance is never dissociated from intrinsic bravery."
"Hohohohohoh~!" laughed Flavius, taking notes. "Protector and aesthete! What a magnificent symbiosis of virtues!"
The two faced each other, auras of sophistication exploding around them like aristocratic fireworks.
"Please, make yourself comfortable in our newly acquired furniture of supre distinction," invited Haru, gesturing towards the sofa with the pomp of a king.
"With imasurable gratitude I accept your invitation of unparalleled hospitality!" replied Flavius, sitting down with a fluid movent and crossing his legs with surgical precision.
"Allow to offer you a nectar from our private cellar, harvested from the most exclusive vineyards in the kingdom."
"Absolutely subli of you!"
Haru sat down as well, took the teacup Kira had brought (no one knew when she had done so) and drank with his little finger elegantly raised.
"Your attire shines under celestial luminescence!" praised Haru.
"And your posture exudes a patriarchal refinent of rare excellence!" Flavius retorted.
"Hohohohohoh~" they both laughed in unison, monocles gleaming.
Haru thought, with an inward smile, "Today I’ll show you what true elegance is, you colorful clown."
Flavius thought, with the sa smile, "You think you’re all that, but I’m the king of elegance, black eye."
The battle was declared.
Flavius struck the first blow: "Allow to say that Your Lordship possesses an enviable aura of sophrosyne, blended with a transcendental magnanimity."
Haru instantly countered: "And Your Excellency displays such refined grandiloquence that it borders on aristocratic epicureanism, worthy of a sui generis among the cognoscenti."
Kira, watching from afar dressed as a maid, whispered to the butler: "...What language are they speaking?"
"Elegant." The guard replied seriously.
Flavius narrowed his eyes, smiling dangerously. "Interesting... but Your Lordship is familiar with the concept of quintessence applied to elegantia?"
Haru tilted her head, her monocle reflecting the light. "I am, and I elevate it to the level of elegantissimus maximus."
Flavius laughed, now creating words on the spot: "Then I allow myself to coin the term elegantifury, the contained fury of supre elegance!"
Haru didn’t miss a beat: "Excellent. I, in turn, present the concept of hyperbolic aristocracy, when elegance transcends elegance itself!"
Flavius stood up slowly, his eyes gleaming with pure competitive delight. "I counterattack with ethereal magnificence!"
Haru also stood up, grinning like a wolf in formal attire. "And I respond with supre celestial pomp!"
The two stared at each other, monocles gleaming, as they invented increasingly absurd and complicated words, trying to outdo each other in pure elegant nonsense.
Isabela appeared in the doorway dressed in full noble attire, formal red dress, hair neatly styled, discreet jewelry.
He paused, processing the scene. "...What the hell is going on here?"
Flavius finally began the official inspection.
"Well! Let’s get down to formalities!" He picked up the clipboard. "Why do you wish to adopt little Yukihi?"
Haru and Isabela exchanged a quick glance.
"Because she needs a family," Haru answered honestly. "And we can offer that."
"Financial stability?"
"Yes." Isabela showed docunts. "I am Valtherion. Resources are not a problem."
"A healthy family environnt?"
"We have that." Haru pointed around. "Own house, security, guaranteed education."
Flavius took notes, but looked between the two with an analytical gaze.
Kira stood there like a perfect maid, but with attentive eyes.
"Hmmm..." Flavius put the pen aside. "How will I know you two aren’t lying about being a real couple?"
Tense silence.
"I’ve been inspecting couples for fifteen years!" He stood dramatically. "Never, NEVER, have I approved adoptions based on falsehood! My nose for genuine love is infallible! I’ve detected thirty-seven fraudulent couples!"
He walked in a circle around them.
"And there’s only one way to prove your love is real!"
He stopped, pointed at them.
"You need to KISS!"
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