Warning - Lucifer, the Devil is Billions of years old.
Hermione with multiple personalities, her character's real age during sexual intercourse is 18
(Hermione - Blessed by Anadiel, ti works differently for her, she has already surpassed age of 18 )
___________
"To our newcors," Dumbledore said in a loud, booming voice so the entire Hall could hear him, his arms
outstretched and a beaming smile on his face,
"welco! And to our old hands - welco back! There is a ti for speech making, but this is not that. Tuck in!"
An appreciative laugh and outbreak of applause happened as Dumbledore sat back down neatly, throwing his long beard over his shoulder to keep it out of the way of his plate - for food had appeared up from the Kitchens, so that the five long tables were groaning under the joints and pies and dishes of vegetables, bread, sauces, and flagons of pumpkin juice.
"Excellent," Ron said with a kind of groan of longing, and he seized the nearest plate of chops and began piling them onto his plate, watched wistfully by Nearly Headless Nick.
"Oh, Nick, there was sothing I wanted to ask," Hermione said, getting his attention, which he seed grateful to find a reason to
turn away from Ron.
"Has the Sorting Hat ever given warnings like this before?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," Nick said, his heading bobbing dangerously, "the Hat, it feels itself honor-bound to give the school due warning. I've heard it give several warnings before, always at tis when it detects periods of greatndanger for the school. And always, of course, its advice is the sa: Stand together, be strong from within.”
"Ow kunnit nofe skusin danger ifzat?" Ron asked with a full mouth.
Lucifer slamd his palm to the wooden table so forcefully, a crack appeared where his palm impacted.
The sheer force caused a reverberating sound, causing the usual buzz to soften, and attention to divert,
"Final warning. Don't. Do it. Again."
Ron chewed and swallowed, "Sorry.." he said and didn't re-ask his question until the normal buzz returned, "but how can it know if the school's in danger if it's a hat?"
"I have no Earthly idea," Nick said, "Of course, it lives in Dumbledore's office, so I daresay it picks up things there."
"And it wants all the Houses to be friends?" Harry asked, a glance towards the Slytherin Table, "fat chance.."
"Well, now, you shouldn't take that attitude," Nick said reprovingly.
"When was the last ti you paid attention to the Slytherins, Nick?" Lucifer asked him.
"Oh, I'd say it's been-"
"Half a century?" Lucifer looked right at, or through, the translucent man.
"Well...I - I suppose so, why?" Nick asked, looking quite affronted.
"It's touched upon only briefly in Hogwarts: A History, but there was a sudden shift in Slytherin behavior after Voldemort left Hogwarts. Modern Slytherin, most of them at least, wouldn't bat an eye at the thought of Inter-House cooperation," Lucifer explained, "watch the Slytherins for a week, you'll see what I an."
For unexplained reasons, Nick suddenly floated up off of the bench and went to sit elsewhere.
"What was that about?" Ron asked, but no one had an answer.
When all the food was eaten, all talking had ceased the mont Dumbledore got to his feet
again, "Well, now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast, I beg a few minutes of your attention for the start-of-term notices," he said to the student body.
"First Years ought to know that the forest on the grounds is out of bounds to students unless explicitly stated
otherwise - and our older students ought to know this by now too,"
Dumbledore said, his eyes gliding ever so slightly over Harry, Ron, Lucifer, and Hermione, who were all struggling to not smirk.
"Mr. Filch, the caretaker, had asked, for what he tells is the four hundred and sixty-second ti, to remind you all that magic is not permitted in the corridors between classes, nor are a number of other things, all of which can be viewed on the extensive list now attached to the front of his office door.”
"We have had two changes in staffing this year: Firstly, we would like to welco back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will take charge of the Care of Magical Creatures lessons:
Secondly, we are delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
There was light applause for both of them.
"He didn't say how long she'd be here for, Professor Grubbly-Plank" Harry said in an alard tone.
"Worry about it tomorrow, okay?" Lucifer said as Dumbledore continued.
"Tryouts for the House Quidditch Teams will take place on-" He broke off, looking inquiringly at Professor Umbridge.
As she wasn't much taller standing than she was sitting, there was no imdiate understanding as to why Dumbledore stopped talking.
It was only when Umbridge said, "Hem hem," that it beca clear to most everyone she got to her feet with the intent on making a speech.
Dumbledore only looked taken aback for a mont, then he sat back down smartly and looked alertly at Professor Umbridge as though he desired nothing better than to listen to her talk.
Other mbers of the staff were not as adept at hiding their surprise, or simply didn't care; Professor Sprout's eyebrows had disappeared into her flyaway hair, and Professor McGonagall's mouth the thinnest Lucifer had ever seen.
No new teacher had ever interrupted Dumbledore before, but then
again, no new teacher was from the Ministry, either.
"Thank you, Headmaster" Professor Umbridge simpered, "for those kind words of welco."
Her voice was high-pitched, breathy, and little- girlish and Lucifer hated her from the mont she spoke.
She cleared her throat and
continued, "Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled, revealing very pointed teeth, "and to see such happy little faces looking back at !"
Lucifer looked around and saw that no one had a look that said, 'happy!'
Actually, everyone looked affronted at being addressed as though everyone were five years old.
"l am very much looking forward to getting to know you all, and l'm sure we'll be very good friends!"
"Definitely a bitch," Lucifer said under his breath.
"I'Il be her friend as long as I don't have to borrow that cardigan," Parvati whispered to Lavender, both of whom lapsed into silent
giggles.
Umbridge cleared her throat again, "Hem, hem."
Lucifer wanted nothing more than to just smash her head on the Table for the stupid way she cleared her throat.
Her voice suddenly changed to be more business like, and the breathy, girlish tone disappeared and was replaced by a dull, learned-by-heart tone.
"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may co to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the Wizarding community must be passed down through the generations lest we lose them forever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished, and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching."
Umbridge paused and made a quick, little bow to her fellow staff mbers, none of whom bowed back.
McGonagall's dark eyebrows had
contracted so that she looked positively hawk- like.
Umbridge continued, "Every Headmaster and Headmistress of Hogwarts has brought sothing new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress' sake must be discouraged, and our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering. A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and chance, between tradition and innovation."
The longer and longer Lucifer listened, the more and more bored he got.
He also tuned so of the shit.
With each word she spoke, the sleeping look on his face beca
more and more pronounced.
".. because so changes will be for the better, while others will co, in the fullness of ti, to be recognized as errors of judgnt. anwhile, so old habits will be retained,
and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected. and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited!"
She sat down, and Dumbledore clapped for her.
The staff followed his lead, and only a couple of students clapped imdiately.
Before the rest of them could clap as well, Dumbledore got to his feet. "Thank you, Professor Umbridge, that
was most illuminating."
"Yeah, it really was. She was definitely planning against to be late on my Prefect Duties," Lucifer said with a yawn.
Hermione, hearing this, gave her boyfriend a hard kick on the shin to which he laughed, but played it off as though he were laughing at Ron, who had been stuffing his mouth with the
magically-appeared food in front of him.
"Now- as I was saying, Quidditch Tryouts will be held-"
"You're not telling you enjoyed it, are you?" Ron asked Lucifer. "That was the dullest speech I've ever heard, and l grew up with Percy.."
"He agreed it was illuminating, not enjoyable," Hermione said, "and her speech explained a lot."
"Did it?" Harry asked in surprise, "Sounded like a load of waffle to ."
"There was so important stuff hidden in the waffle," said Hermione grimly before turning to her boyfriend, "Help out here!"
"Can't" Lucifer said through a fake yawn, "swore I fell asleep halfway through. Missed the lot of it... what a sha."
Ron and Harry began to snigger, but Hermione, who didn't find this nearly as funny, kicked Lucifer under the table again.
A cocky smile made its way on to Lucifer's lips as he peered as his girlfriend playfully, "Why don't you tell what I missed?"
"I hate when you are being annoying,” Hermione said crunching her nose to which Lucifer shook his head not understanding a damn thing.
“Fine, If you've got top tier comprehensive ability and are able to keep your attention for longer than a microsecond, you'd realize there were lots of things she said, important things," Lucifer said, casually insulting most of his fellow students.
"Was there?" Ron asked blankly.
"How about 'progress for progress' sake must be discouraged'? How about 'pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited'?"
"Well, what does that an?" Ron asked impatiently.
"Proving my point, Weasely," Lucifer said, "I'll tell you what it ans... it ans the Ministry plans to interfere at Hogwarts."
There was a sudden clattering and banging around them, aning Dumbledore had dismissed the students.
“Co on, Hermione, let's show the Gryffindor First Years where to go.”
"Right," she said in agreent before addressing the new students, "First Years!"
xxxxxx
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