"Ah, you're Kane Heath? I recognize you. You were in my father's newspaper. He wrote that you were a heartless tool used by Dumbledore to eliminate the poor Professor Quirinus Quirrell."
Luna's first sentence instantly piqued Kane's curiosity.
Who exactly was Luna's father? Was he so board mber or a powerful figure in the Wizarding World? How could he know such secrets? And know them so accurately?
Intrigued, Kane quietly shuffled over and stood between the Weasley twins, lightly tapping one of them on the shoulder.
"Who is this Luna's father? Is he so kind of Celestial Being in the magical world?" Kane whispered.
"Actually... he's just the editor of a small tabloid."
"He runs a lukewarm, dying news magazine called The Quibbler."
"As for the news inside... it's basically just being contrary for the sake of being contrary. It's mostly nonsense; he just hitches a ride on whatever the Daily Prophet is reporting."
This plain, almost dismissive evaluation looked completely different in Kane's eyes.
Dumbledore's desire to get rid of Quirrell was a secret known to only a handful of people, yet Luna's father had discovered it so cleanly and published it so brazenly. What was this? It was the light of journalism!
The original purpose of news was to tell the truth. Compared to the Daily Prophet, which spent its ti blowing "rainbow farts" about how wonderful everything was, The Quibbler was the one truly unafraid of authority, attempting to deliver the truth to the people's ears.
Moreover, such a feat was extrely dangerous and offered zero benefit to the journalist. You could hear it in the Weasleys' voices: "lukewarm," "dying."
It ant the paper made no money. Just as people don't thank a savior, the masses who heard the truth dismissed it as re "contrarianism" and gave the ssenger nothing but cold looks.
Luna's father is a saint, Kane concluded silently, offering a heartfelt tribute.
On the other side, Luna watched Kane, who had gone glassy-eyed as if his connection to reality had suddenly dropped.
She looked at the twins with a mix of curiosity and a silent plea for help. "What's wrong with Mr. Heath?"
"Er..."
The twins exchanged a glance. They briefly considered if they should preserve even a shred of Kane's dignity. Of course they should! It was difficult, but they managed.
"At Hogwarts, whenever we want to describe soone who's a bit loopy or does things normal people can't understand, we say, 'Look, that person is as crazy as Kane.'"
"So now you know. If it's Kane standing in front of you, you don't need to be confused by anything he does. It's just his natural performance; he isn't being disrespectful to you at all."
Just as the twins were "vouching" for his reputation, Kane's voice drifted from behind them.
"So, 'Crazy as Kane'... who started that? I've never heard it before."
Kane had snapped back to reality at so point and was looking at them with genuine curiosity. The twins glanced at each other again.
To prevent Hogwarts from being destroyed and to protect the peace between young wizards, they absolutely had to hide the source of that phrase.
If Kane ever heard the original, sharp-tongued, un-humorous version of that quote, they couldn't guarantee he'd be able to control himself.
If he got angry enough to send himself to Azkaban and the source of the quote to St. Mungo's, it would be a "happy ending" for no one.
They quickly deployed their natural talent for changing the subject. At that mont, their brother Ron wobbled back to the ground on the idling—but still abstractly fast—Pee Pee Shrimp.
"I'm telling you, Kane, never lend this broom to anyone. If soone dies, not only is the broom a waste, but you'll be in massive trouble." Ron hopped off, giggling uncontrollably while trying to maintain a serious tone.
"See?" the twins whispered to Ginny and Luna. "Like what Little Ronny is doing right now—that's being 'Crazy as Kane.'"
Kane rubbed his chin, looking at Ron. "Am I usually that crazy?"
Ron patted his shoulder. "The fact that you're asking that question ans there's still hope for you."
"..."
Soon, the twins took their turns test-driving the broom. The others sat in the yard watching the black streak in the sky.
Kane wasn't interested in the view; he was mostly watching to make sure the twins didn't try any stunts that would end with their heads inside their own chest cavities.
As he watched, he felt a strange gaze landing on him. He turned to find Luna staring straight at him.
"Hello?"
"Actually, it's not 'good,'" Luna shook her head, shifting her gaze from Kane's face to the horned hat on his head.
"Did you make that hat yourself?" She finally asked, unable to resist the temptation.
Kane finally understood the issue. Everyone at Hogwarts stared at his hat, but usually, it was out of a sense of novelty or shock. This was the first ti he had felt a gaze of pure, unadulterated envy.
Friend! You understand my style!
Feeling his fashion sense validated for the first ti, Kane decided this girl was a good person, and he had to give her a gift.
Since the weather wasn't extre right now, he didn't strictly need the hat.
With a pop, Kane pulled the horned hat off his head and handed it to Luna. "You like it? It's yours."
Luna took it without hesitation. "When I go ho, I'll give you a lion hat I made. Do you like hats with animal elents?"
"They're alright. I used to have a spider hat, but it's gone now. Well, technically, I still have it, but I'm storing it in the Forbidden Forest."
"Why store a spider hat in the Forbidden Forest?"
"Because that hat is currently alive."
Ron & Ginny: "..."
"Then you should hurry up. Once a spider gets old, the hat doesn't look as good."
Ron & Ginny: "???"
Friend! Not only does she get my style, she gets my habits! She knew that an old spider hat wouldn't be plump and round; it would be shriveled and wrinkled, looking like a giant silkworm cocoon on one's head.
Just as Kane was about to say more, Mrs. Weasley pushed open the door. "Kane! Your clothes are finished! You really should co see!"
"Coming!" Kane stood up and hurried inside. Curious about what kind of bizarre fashion Kane had cooked up now, the other three followed.
Inside, Mrs. Weasley smilingly handed the finished raincoat to Kane. "You should try it on. I'll go call George and Fred back. Tell what you think."
As the door closed, Kane felt the entire house vibrate for three or four seconds.
"Hiss... what happened to the house?"
"It's probably Mum's voice resonating with the structure," Ron said dryly. Everyone looked at him. "Dad said he bought a Muggle physics book to help with his car modifications."
Ginny felt much better after the explanation. She patted her chest; for a second, she thought it was sothing much scarier.
Kane ignored the sibling interaction and threw on the raincoat. He spun around in front of a slightly crooked mirror.
The coat was long, reaching just above his ankles. It was, in fact, very long—Kane felt he could wear this until he was seventeen. Mrs. Weasley had cleverly added a drawstring at the waist so the length could be adjusted as he grew.
The sleeves were long too, looking a bit like the flowing sleeves of traditional opera, but she had added drawstrings at the cuffs to tighten them so they wouldn't interfere with his hands.
The buttons weren't ordinary; they were made from drilled-out tentacle spikes.
Because it was patched together from small pieces of hide, it had a weird, stitched-together texture. Luckily, the hide was a dark tone. If it had been white or flesh-colored, it would have been horrifying.
But in black... Kane thought of Lee Jordan, the Gryffindor announcer.
Well, it's still a bit weird, Kane admitted silently, but I love it.
"This is way better than what Madam Malkin would have done. Adjustnt charms don't have this kind of character," Kane said, turning to show Ron.
Seeing Ron's awkward expression, he knew his "bro" didn't understand the vision. He turned to Luna. "How is it?"
Luna tapped her chin. "I think it needs two little tails."
She didn't hesitate. She turned Kane around, used a pair of scissors to cut a long slit in the back, and sewed on two split tentacle spikes as a trim for the vent.
"Er..." Kane watched Luna's hands flying as she crouched behind him. "Should I take the coat off first?"
"No, just stay still."
Kane's mouth went into a 'W'. Standing in a weird position without moving was uncomfortable, but seeing her crouched on the floor sewing for him, he'd be a monster to complain.
Especially since her father was the "Light of Journalism."
Luna bit the thread off, adjusted the spikes, and nodded. "Perfect."
Kane spun again. It did look better. However, when he sat down on the sofa, he realized a small problem with using spikes as trim.
They poked.
He shifted uncomfortably, then realized he had misjudged Luna. It wasn't the spikes. It was a steel needle she had accidentally left pinned to the coat.
Kane looked at Luna, who was rubbing her sore fingers.
Kane thinks... Kane forgives.
Just then, the twins returned with a clean, waxed Pee Pee Shrimp. Little Pumpkin hopped over and swallowed the broom.
"What is that? A new magical creature?" Luna asked airily.
"Chester. I call him Little Pumpkin. He's a magical creature, though he's technically out of print," Kane explained.
Luna nodded. It was a pity he was "out of print." She wanted a pet like that—not for storage, but because it looked like a perfect little footstool for when she got tired.
Suddenly, the fireplace flared green. Mr. Weasley stepped out. "Aha! Luna's here, and Kane! Good thing I ca ho for lunch, or I'd have missed the feast!"
Sure enough, a table of steaming, beautiful food—looking like it had been plucked from a video ga—appeared.
"Try my cooking, Kane," Mrs. Weasley said, piling his plate high.
As he was about to eat, a drop of water hit the window, followed by a downpour. Kane sighed in relief. He had just put on his raincoat and the rain started.
Was his timing just that good, or was fate looking out for him?
He didn't care. He just wanted to eat.
Until a loud Croak from outside made his eyes snap wide.
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