Chapter 80: Just A Kiss
—ARIA—
I was distraught.
No matter how many tis I replayed the conversation in my head, I arrived at the sa conclusion.
I had hurt him.
I had genuinely hurt him.
The realization sat heavily in my chest as I held him tighter.
For so long, I had convinced myself that everything I was doing was for my sake and for the one who cared for . Every decision I made, every plan I carefully arranged, every step I took toward the future had been motivated by a single thought.
Protect myself.
Protect Ren from the disaster that I might not prevent at the end of this story.
Yet sohow, despite all my efforts, despite all the sleepless nights spent trying to calculate every possible outco, despite all the sacrifices I thought I was making for our sake, I had managed to cause pain anyway.
Maybe that was the cruelest part.
My arms tightened slightly around his shoulders.
Ren’s body was still trembling.
This wasn’t a misunderstanding that could be laughed away tomorrow.
The man in my arms was genuinely terrified.
And sohow...
That terrified too.
Because Ren was never afraid.
At least not openly.
He was always calm and steady.
Always the one cleaning up my disasters while I created new ones.
Even when things went wrong, he never seed shaken.
He simply dealt with them.
Like so impossibly patient saint assigned to babysit an overly energetic noblewoman with poor survival instincts.
Yet tonight that calmness had shattered completely.
And the reason was .
"Ren..."
My voice sounded smaller than I intended.
He didn’t answer.
His face remained buried against my shoulder.
I could feel his uneven breathing through the fabric of my dress.
A painful ache settled inside my chest.
"Ren, I’m sorry."
The apology felt inadequate the mont it left my mouth.
Sorry.
What a pathetic little word.
How was a single word supposed to fix this?
How was it supposed to repair years of fears he had apparently been carrying alone?
How was it supposed to undo the damage I had unknowingly caused?
Still, I forced myself to continue.
Because remaining silent would only make things worse.
"I never wanted to hurt you."
The confession ca out softer this ti.
"I really didn’t."
My fingers slowly moved through his hair. The gesture felt strangely natural. Comforting him had always co easily.
Understanding him was apparently another matter entirely.
"I thought I was helping."
I laughed weakly but the sound carried no humor whatsoever.
"I thought I was being responsible."
The word itself sounded ridiculous.
Responsible.
What part of this looked responsible?
The man currently crying in my arms would probably disagree.
"I thought that if I prepared you for the future..." I continued quietly. "If I made sure you could stand on your own... if I helped you build a life outside of following around all day..."
A lump ford in my throat.
"...then you’d be happier."
The silence that followed felt heavy and uncomfortable.
Not because he was angry.
But because I was finally hearing my own thoughts out loud.
And for the first ti, they sounded wrong.
Painfully wrong.
Because nowhere in that plan had I ever asked what Ren wanted.
I had simply assud.
Assud I knew what was best for him.
Assud I knew what future would make him happiest.
Assud that eventually he would leave.
That eventually he would build his own life.
That eventually he would no longer need .
Wasn’t that what was supposed to happen?
Children grew up.
People moved on.
Lives changed.
Relationships changed.
That was normal.
Wasn’t it?
Then why did this feel so terrible?
Slowly, Ren lifted his head.
His eyes were red.
His face was damp with tears.
The sight made my heart twist painfully.
Yet it wasn’t his tears that unsettled .
It was the expression behind them.
The desperation.
The disbelief and hurt.
"Better off without you?"
His voice sounded hoarse.
As though rely repeating those words physically pained him.
I imdiately regretted saying them.
"That’s not what I ant."
"Then what did you an?"
I opened my mouth to respond and make an excuse but nothing ca out.
Because suddenly I wasn’t sure.
What had I ant?
That I was dangerous?
That I was dood?
That getting attached to was a mistake?
All of those answers sounded insane.
Yet they were also true.
At least from my perspective.
I knew things they didn’t.
I rembered things they couldn’t.
I carried an ending only I had seen.
And every day I lived with the fear that one wrong move would drag everyone I cared about toward that ending with .
How could I explain that?
How could I tell him that my greatest fear wasn’t losing him?
It was destroying him.
"Ren..."
I swallowed.
"I don’t know how to explain it."
His jaw tightened.
The reaction alone told that was the wrong answer.
Of course it was. From his perspective, it probably sounded like an excuse.
Another way of avoiding the truth or a way of keeping him at arm’s length.
Yet the truth was impossible.
How was I supposed to tell him that I wasn’t originally from this world?
That I rembered a story where I died?
That I spent every day trying to outrun a future that hadn’t happened yet?
No sane person would believe that.
I barely believed it myself so days.
"You don’t understand."
The words escaped before I could stop them.
Imdiately, Ren laughed but the sound left a bitter taste on my own tongue..
He is clearly too hurt to cry anymore.
"Then make understand."
The firmness in his voice surprised .
"Aria."
My na sounded different when he said it.
"Tell ."
I looked away.
Because I couldn’t.
I simply couldn’t.
And sohow my silence seed to answer everything for him.
The disappointnt that crossed his face nearly broke .
For several monts, neither of us spoke.
The room felt unbearably quiet.
But then he spoke again in a quieter voice which sohow made it hurt even more.
"Do you know what scares ?"
I blinked.
Because I had never considered that question before.
Ren let out a slow, trembling breath as though he had finally exhausted all the strength he had been using to hold himself together.
"I am not afraid of hardship."
His gaze never left mine. Even with tears still lingering in his eyes, there was a frightening sincerity there which made it impossible to look away.
"I am not afraid of danger."
His voice remained gentle, but there was certainty behind it. I believed him imdiately because I had seen it countless tis myself.
Ren had never hesitated when things beca difficult.
Whether it was protecting , standing between and trouble, or cleaning up disasters I created, he always moved forward without complaint.
His fingers tightened slightly.
"I am not afraid of sacrifice."
Sothing inside my chest twisted painfully because I knew he ant every word.
Yet now, sitting before with tears in his eyes, I could not help but see him more vulnerable than when I t him the first ti.
His gaze softened.
"But I am afraid of losing you."
My thoughts imdiately stopped.
Even my breathing felt strangely distant.
Out of everything he could have said...
Out of all the possible answers...
That was the one I never expected.
Ren lowered his gaze briefly before looking back at again.
"I can survive almost anything." His voice shook slightly as a bitter smile appeared briefly on his lips.
"I’ve already done all of those things."
The smile disappeared as quickly as it ca.
"But I don’t know if I can survive losing you."
The confession struck harder than anything else he had said tonight.
For a mont, neither of us spoke.
I could only stare at him while my heart pounded loudly inside my chest.
Ren slowly reached toward .
The movent was hesitant, almost uncertain, as though he feared I might pull away.
His hand trembled slightly before settling against my cheek.
The warmth of his palm made freeze.
"Aria..."
My na sounded more intimate than it had ever sounded before, coming from him.
His thumb brushed lightly against my skin.
"I know you only see as your servant."
Pain flashed briefly across his expression.
"But I’ve never been able to see you that way." He paused.
"Aria Valen... I am deeply in love with you."
The words shattered whatever composure I had left.
I flinched instinctively.
And suddenly every strange feeling I had been ignoring for quite a while ca rushing back all at once.
All of my emotions ca crashing down on at once and my heart felt completely out of control.
"Ren..."
His na left my lips as nothing more than a whisper.
Before I could gather my thoughts, before I could decide what I was supposed to say, he slowly leaned closer.
The movent was so careful and so gentle.
As though he was giving every opportunity to stop him.
His fingers shifted beneath my chin, tilting my face upward.
My pulse hamred wildly.
I knew exactly what he was about to do.
I should have stopped him.
I should have said sothing.
I should have moved.
But I couldn’t.
For so reason...
My heart refused.
Because the truth was that I didn’t want to push him away.
The distance between us disappeared slowly.
Enough for to see every emotion in his eyes and for to understand that he wasn’t simply being impulsive.
He really do loved .
And sohow...
That realization didn’t scare as much as it should have.
Ren...he is different from the others...right? He is not one of them?
Will it be okay? Will we be okay? Will I be okay?
As he finally closed the remaining distance, his lips finally touched mine.
And that was when the rest of the world seed to disappear.
Everything else faded away.
The fears.
The future.
The story.
The uncertainty.
For one brief mont, there was only warmth.
Only Ren.
And the realization that neither of us could continue pretending things had remained the sa.
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