There was sothing unique about him. Sothing I didn't understand.
And sohow, I couldn't look away.
The more ti passed, the more I found myself unable to stop thinking about him.
It was strange—before the Alvara incident, I thought I understood who he was. Always watching, always thinking, like he had the world on pause while the rest of us stumbled forward. But when he faced Alvara head-on, sothing shifted. That mask of passivity cracked, and for the first ti… I think I saw the real him.
A version of him that didn't hesitate.
Soone who didn't stop to ask for permission or worry about consequences.
Soone who moved on instinct, on conviction—and had the power to make it all an sothing.
I still rember the day of the exam. It was chaos. He beat Adrian in front of everyone. And sohow, he managed to cancel Alicia's engagent in the sa breath.
I didn't understand it at the ti. Why go that far for Alicia? What was he thinking?
But deep down, even if I couldn't admit it then, I knew what I felt.
It was envy.
Maybe slightly jealousy.
That deep, stinging kind that whispers in your ears late at night, telling you that you'll never be the one soone fights for like that. That you'll never be the reason soone throws everything away.
I guess I wanted that—no, I wanted him to do sothing like that for .
But then I rembered that conversation between him and John.
He hadn't helped because he cared—not in the way I'd foolishly hoped.
He did it because I was the Prophetess. Because of what I represented, not who I was.
And hearing that… it hurt more than I was ready to admit.
Maybe I'd built up a dream in my head. Maybe I wanted him to say he did it for —for the girl, not the title.
But dreams like that are fragile things. And reality? It doesn't care how carefully you stack them.
He already had a fiancée back in his kingdom. And another one here and not just any fiancée—Elizabeth. She was beautiful, graceful, strong.
And despite my shock she seed to be also returning his feelings.
I didn't stand a chance against that.
Why would soone like him risk everything for soone like ?
Unless… there were important reasons. Reasons like my role as the Prophetess. That's all I was, right? A symbol.
But then sothing happened.
Sothing I never expected.
When the Behemoth attacked—when that monster descended and everything turned to ash and terror—he ca.
He didn't hesitate. He fought that man. He shielded .
And all I could think, as I watched him struggle, was that I didn't want to see him hurt—not because I needed him as a protector or a symbol of salvation… but because I cared. Because I think, despite everything—despite all the reasons I shouldn't—I liked him.
Even when it made no sense.
Even when it made feel small and foolish.
And then, he looked in the eyes and said sothing I'll never forget.
"...I don't want the Prophetess."
"I want you. I want you to be the Prophetess. Only you are acceptable. You are the best suited. No, you are the only one truly ant for it…"
"…because you are Sancta Vedelia's Hope and my Hope."
I don't think I ever truly felt like a girl until that mont—when he stood there, right in front of , and said those words.
It was strange… almost surreal. Like the world had paused just for us, and for the first ti, everything made sense. And I think—no, I know—that was when I really fell in love with Amael.
It didn't matter that we had grown up together, that he was my childhood friend. The boy I once knew was gone, and in his place stood soone else entirely. Soone flawed, intense, difficult, but real. The Amael I fell for wasn't perfect. He was complicated, mysterious, and sotis frightening—but he saved . And that was enough.
Because of him, I stopped dreading the weight of my title. For the first ti since Mama passed away, I felt excited at the thought of becoming the next Prophetess. Back then, when I was just a little girl clinging to her mother's robes, I wanted to follow in her footsteps—purely out of admiration and love. But now… now my dream had changed. Maybe it had beco sothing more selfish.
Because this ti, I didn't just want to be the Prophetess for the sake of the people or the divine will. I wanted to be closer to Amael. I wanted to be his 'Hope', like he said.
I wanted to stand beside him—not behind him.
And even though I knew… even though I was painfully aware that there were already other won in his life, I couldn't bring myself to care. I just wanted to be one of them. I wanted to be soone special to him, soone unforgettable.
That's why I started doing things I never thought I would.
—bold, headstrong, always the one to speak her mind—I found myself hesitating in front of mirrors. Obsessing over small things like how I styled my hair, or the shade of blush I wore. I began paying attention to every detail—how my clothes fit, how my earrings matched, how my perfu lingered.
It felt ridiculous. And yet… it was exciting.
No one warned that falling in love would be this exhilarating.
Each morning, I found myself looking forward to school like it was a festival. Just being in the sa class as Amael made the day feel brighter. Seeing him, hearing his voice, catching those tiny glances—it was enough to keep going.
But gods, what a numbskull he was.
At first, I thought he was ignoring on purpose. That he was playing coy or teasing , trying to keep guessing. But no—he was just that clueless. He genuinely didn't see the signals I was throwing at him like confetti.
Still, I didn't stop. I couldn't.
Because every day with him felt like uncovering sothing new, sothing secret and thrilling.
Before Amael, I thought I had feelings for Victor. There was a ti I genuinely believed that maybe Victor could be the one. But the mont Amael entered my life… everything changed. It was like I'd been chasing shadows and finally stepped into the sunlight.
Loving Amael was different.
It was wild. Intoxicating. Hot like fire and cold like fear all at once.
But then I began to learn things—things I never expected.
There was sothing inside him. Sothing dark. Sothing even he was afraid of.
I'll never forget the day he lost control. It was like watching a storm collapse in on itself, like witnessing sothing ancient and terrifying leak through the cracks of a person. I reached out to him that day, pulled him back from whatever void he had slipped into.
And in that mont, I realized… he wasn't invincible.
He wasn't so emotionless knight or untouchable savior.
He was human. He was scared. And he needed soone too.
When I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the tension leave his body in trembling waves, I only fell deeper. Even though I'd glimpsed a darkness I wasn't sure I was ready for, my heart didn't falter.
Because my love had already grown too deep to be scared away.
It had beco stronger than the fear.
And sohow, even with all the danger and all the unknowns… I didn't want to let go.
Not of him.
Not ever.
I couldn't forget him anymore.
Even when he tried to distance himself from —when he pulled away after sensing my fear—it only made my feelings stronger. That mont, when he stepped back thinking it would protect , just confird how deeply I loved him. And that love didn't make weaker. It made bolder, more determined. I didn't want to run. I wanted to fight for him.
All I wanted was to know more about him—everything, even the parts he hid in the darkest corners of himself. I thought if I understood him fully, I could be the one to stand beside him when no one else would.
But after that day, I realized what was obvious: he was hiding things from . And not just small things—real, terrifying truths buried behind that calm face. It hurt. I couldn't understand why he didn't trust enough to let in.
I loved him.
Didn't that an sothing?
I wanted to support him, to share the burden. But no matter how many tis I reached out, he stayed silent. Distant. Closed off. Still, I didn't give up. I kept trying, kept pressing forward. And during the war… for a mont, I thought I had finally reached him.
For a mont, I believed.
I thought when the war ended, when the dust settled and the world could finally breathe again—we would be closer than ever. It didn't matter what he'd done for Utopia or the fact that he stood on the opposite side of Sancta Vedelia. I knew him. I trusted him. That was all that mattered.
So then…
Why?
Why did he reject ?
Why did it have to hurt so much?
It felt like I had been struck in the chest with a blade I never saw coming. His words, his coldness—it shattered sothing inside . It was worse than I had imagined. And what made it even harder to bear was seeing him patch things up with Alvara right after.
Why was he being so cruel to ?
Why was I the one left behind?
Was I truly that undeserving of him? Was I not captivating like Alvara, or strong like Elizabeth? Was I just… forgettable?
He never gave answers. Only silence.
Only distance.
I tried to smile. I tried to be strong. But every ti I looked at him, I felt the sting of rejection. Every ti I thought of what could've been, I was reminded of what would never be.
I cried.
I cried more than I'd ever cried in my life since my mother's death. But not in front of him—I couldn't even speak to him anymore, let alone et his eyes. Just seeing him, knowing I couldn't reach him, broke again and again. He felt further away than ever before. A wall even higher, colder, had risen between us.
And I didn't know why.
Didn't I at least deserve an answer?
But none ca.
Only silence.
And then… she arrived.
Layla. His fiancée. The one from his kingdom.
The mont I saw her, I understood. Or at least, I thought I did.
She was beautiful. Graceful. Regal. The kind of person who seed destined for soone like Amael. Just like Alvara. Just like Elizabeth.
They were in a completely different world than mine. And suddenly, I didn't feel bold anymore. I didn't feel strong.
I felt small.
Unremarkable.
I started to believe that maybe I had never stood a chance to begin with. That no matter how much I loved him, I could never be enough for him.
My friends, Alia and Cylien, had both found love. And I was genuinely happy for them. But their happiness only made my loneliness more unbearable. I smiled for them, laughed with them—but deep inside, the hollow ache kept growing.
But even like that I couldn't even bring myself to be angry at him, no matter how much I wanted to—no matter how much it would've made things easier. Because that day, when he hugged —just for a fleeting second—I felt it. The loneliness. The fear. Sothing he carried.
And in that mont, I understood.
I couldn't hate him. Not even a little. Not even if I tried a thousand tis.
Because no matter how much pain he caused … I couldn't stop loving him.
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