I Just Wanted a Quiet Life... So Why Am I an Uma Musume Trainer?! Chapter 17 16: Puns and Promises on the Way Home

"Hey, Fine Motion, what's the deal here?" I asked, scratching my head.

"Um, sorry, Trainer-san! I ntioned eating out with you, and they insisted on coming along…" Fine said, looking sheepish.

"Didn't expect you to invite soone you just t to dinner the sa day. What, you so kind of pickup artist?" Air Groove shot, arms crossed.

"How does that even follow? I just invited her for food. And why are you tagging along?" I countered.

"Fine and I share a room. I was… curious," Air Groove said.

"…Whatever. And you, I know you from the mock race. Your na's…" I trailed off, glancing at the third girl.

"Howdy, Trainer-san! I'm Taiki Shuttle, but call Taiki! Nice to etcha!" she chirped, her energy practically bouncing off the walls.

"So you're crashing too? Look, Air Groove, Taiki, the place Fine and I are hitting isn't so fancy joint," I warned.

"Ran, right?" Air Groove said.

"…Fine told you?" I asked.

"Trainer-san, just call Fine! Groove-san figured it out when I said we were eating out," Fine explained.

"Huh, sharp," I muttered.

Guess that's the student council vice president for you, always watching. Makes sense after this morning's intense chat.

"Let's move. Ti's limited, and missing curfew would tank my rep as vice president," Air Groove said, already walking.

"Then don't co," I grumbled.

"I'm also here to make sure you don't drag them to so sketchy place," she shot back.

"How little faith do you have in ?" I sighed.

"Trainer-san! Groove said earlier, 'I haven't had ran in a while, so it's perfect!' She's totally into it!" Taiki blurted, grinning.

"Taiki! Don't spill that!" Air Groove snapped, her face reddening.

…Not exactly honest, huh.

"Whatever, let's go," I said.

On the way, Taiki piped up, "Hey, Trainer-san, what'd you think of my mock race? I hit first place!"

"You're a beast in sprints and miles, Taiki. That race was short, but you could handle a bit more distance, no problem," I said.

"Wao! Thanks! You really watch closely!" she bead.

"It's my job," I said.

"A trainer taking students out for ran, though? That's your job too?" Air Groove jabbed.

"Says the one who's totally fine with it but ca anyway," I retorted.

"Idiot! I told you, I'm supervising!" she barked.

Yeah, after Taiki's slip, that sounds like an excuse.

"Didn't peg you for a ran fan, Fine," I said, changing the subject.

"Why's that?" she asked, tilting her head.

"You're a Fine family heiress, right? You could've debuted back ho, but you ca to Japan. And the food's different here, isn't it?" I said.

"True. I was super sheltered, so I didn't know much about the outside world. That's why I studied abroad—to dive into it!" Fine said.

"Didn't see that coming," I admitted.

"My first taste of Japan was ran. It was so good!" she said, eyes sparkling.

"Well, the place we're hitting is solid. Get your hopes up," I said.

We reached ○○○○○. "Here we are," I said.

"This is it?" Air Groove asked, sizing up the place.

"Wow, so this is a ran shop!" Fine said, intrigued.

"Ran ti! I'm pumped!" Taiki cheered.

The door slid open with a rattle. "Welco!" the staff called.

We grabbed a table and scanned the nu. I knew what I wanted.

"Trainer-san, what're you getting?" Fine asked.

"Soy sauce ran with egg, extra backfat. Fair warning, it's tasty but greasy," I said.

"You can handle that?" Air Groove said, skeptical.

"Bla my high school teacher. Back in Chiba, there was this shop with heavy backfat ran. Ate it all the ti. Now regular stuff feels light," I explained.

"I'll get the sa!" Fine declared.

"You serious?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yup! I wanna try what you like!" she said.

So, Fine and I ordered soy sauce with egg and extra backfat. Air Groove and Taiki went for standard soy sauce ran.

"Hey, have you decided yet? Who you're training?" Air Groove asked.

"Still mulling it over. Narrowed it down, but there's too many good ones. Honestly, it's all promising candidates," I said.

"You haven't picked? Kiryuin, your batchmate, already has," Air Groove said.

"You don't have a trainee yet, Trainer-san?" Taiki asked.

"Nope. Getting reverse-scouted is the problem. A rookie trainer getting chased by top-tier Uma Musu? That's not normal," I said.

"Wow, you must be amazing!" Fine said.

"You should show him your run, Taiki. He'll give you solid advice. You know Bourbon's story? She's got no stamina, but she smashed a mile race with a killer ti," Air Groove said.

"No way!" Taiki gasped.

"Wait, so that was…" Fine started.

"Yup, his doing," Air Groove finished.

"Doing? Don't make it sound shady," I said. "That's why high-maintenance empresses like you are…"

"What did you just say?" Air Groove snapped.

"Proud, beautiful empress," I repeated.

"…The 'beautiful' part's unnecessary!" she huffed, blushing. "All Uma Musu are equally stunning!"

"Oooh! That's Japan's tsundere vibe, right?" Taiki teased.

"It's not!" Air Groove protested.

"Honestly, Groove-san, you are beautiful. Fuji-san and the president are cool, but you're in the elegant beauty category," Fine said.

"Are you all just ssing with for fun?" Air Groove groaned.

"Just stating facts," I said, as Fine and Taiki echoed, "Yup!" and "Totally!"

"…This place is full of idiots," Air Groove muttered.

"Thanks for coming!" the ran shop staff called as we left.

"That was so rich, just like you said, Trainer-san! But I'm hooked on that flavor!" Fine said, beaming.

"Not bad taste, Fine. Wanna hit another spot next ti?" I offered.

"Yes, please! I'm looking forward to it!" she chirped.

"You two are already planning the next ran run?" Air Groove groaned. "Don't even think about saying half the week."

"Who'd say that? I'm a trainer; I'm not here to ss up an Uma Musu's health. I only do two or three tis a week," I said.

"You're eating too much. And I can't fathom how you two stomach that greasy stuff," Air Groove said, shuddering.

She and Taiki had tried a spoonful of Fine's ran—soup and noodles—out of curiosity. It was too much for them, though Taiki handled it better.

"Wonder how many bowls Oguri could down," I mused. "But going with her would bankrupt , so I'd rather not."

"Oguri's appetite always shocks ! Where does it all go?" Taiki said.

"Black hole in her stomach, probably," I quipped.

"Haha…" Fine laughed.

We chatted like that on the way back. It's early enough to make the dorm curfew with ti to spare. Air Groove wasn't rushing or ntioning it, so we're probably fine.

At the Ritto dorm, Fine said, "Thanks for the al, Trainer-san!"

"Super tasty! Gotta go again!" Taiki added, bouncing.

"…It was a decent break. Thanks," Air Groove muttered.

"Don't sweat it. Fine, watch your breath tonight. You don't want it lingering tomorrow," I warned.

"I've got special mouthwash, so I'm good!" Fine assured.

"Cool. Keep up the school grind starting tomorrow," I said.

I'd scoped out that ran shop before, and it's a hit. I'll go back… but maybe not soon. Don't need rumors spreading.

"Hey! You…" Brian's voice cut through.

"Oh, Brian," I said, spotting her.

"You went eating?" she asked.

"Ran, yeah," I replied.

"…Ran, huh," she said.

"You into it?" I asked.

"…Not really," she mumbled.

"Alright…" I said.

Conversation stalled. She's not the chatty type, but where's Hayahide? Isn't this when her big-sis energy's supposed to kick in?

"Mm? Hiki Trainer and Brian together? Rare combo," Rudolf said, approaching.

"Rudolf…" I muttered.

"Tch… I'm out," Brian said, striding off.

"I wasn't trying to dump trouble on you," Rudolf said. "Oh, Trainer-kun, thanks to your yakitori donburi, I powered through the day. I owe you."

"!!" Brian froze mid-step.

"It was nothing. You skipping lunch was the real issue… Wait, what's up?" I asked, noticing Brian's stare.

"Hold on. The president said 'yakitori donburi.' You made it?" Brian asked.

"Yeah. There was that cafeteria ss, so Rudolf missed lunch. I whipped it up, that's all," I explained.

"…" Brian stared.

…What? What's her deal?

"…Make one," Brian said.

"Huh?" I blinked.

"That dish. I'm curious. I want to try it," she said.

"No ingredients now. Next ti work?" I asked.

"Fine," she said, then walked off toward the dorm.

"She's got a thing for at dishes," Rudolf explained. "Loves hamburgers, steaks, that sort."

"Wild for her personality… or maybe it fits?" I said.

"Heh, you're quite popular for soone without a trainee," Rudolf teased.

"Gotta decide soon…" I muttered.

"I'm hoping for a good answer," she said.

"Don't jinx …" I groaned.

"I can't help expecting it," she said, smiling.

"Ugh… No good sleep tonight, I bet," I sighed.

"Too much sleep's bad for you, you know," she warned.

"Then I'll say sorry to the sleep demon when it wins," I quipped.

"! Trainer-kun, was that a pun!?" Rudolf said, eyes wide.

"Uh, yeah?" I said.

"'Sleep demon' and 'sorry'… Got more?" she asked.

"Uh… 'Chilled Chinese noodles, or just chilled?'" I tried.

"Hehe!" Rudolf giggled.

"That funny?" I asked.

"It's great! More?" she urged.

"Uh… 'Big root, big chaos.' 'No breakfast, super shock.' 'Buried in pillows, future's dim.' 'No hat, heart attack.' Just rattling off what ca to mind," I said.

"So many!" Rudolf laughed.

"I've got more," I admitted.

Sohow, I ended up teaching Rudolf puns, and she was weirdly impressed. Why am I getting praised for dad-joke skills?

Bonus

Rudolf: "You two are done early today."

Air Groove: "Thanks, President. But Brian's her usual self."

Brian: "I do what's needed. No issue."

Air Groove: "You always…"

Rudolf: "Now, now, it's fine."

Brian: "…"

Air Groove: "If the president says so…"

Rudolf: "Hehe."

Air Groove: "Uh, President?"

Rudolf: "Sorry, I learned puns from Hiki Trainer yesterday. Here's one: Brian's sulking, so 'Boo-rian.'"

Air Groove: "Pfft… Sorry!"

Brian: "…I'm leaving."

Rudolf: "My bad, Brian. Just a joke."

After that, Hachiman got chased by Brian, thanked by Rudolf, and taught Air Groove so puns.