Azief thought that if there is one thing that would ground him to his own existence it would be anger, or negative emotions or so darkness in his heart.,
He had studied about not drowning into the consciousness of a grand will.
As such, he knew that negative emotions also work. Hatred, revenge, this kind of obsession is very powerful and it soti defines a person.
This kind of feeing could be used to break out from that feeling of wanting to be in unity with a grand will.
But…. he had never thought, that instead of feeling all of that, seeing all of the things that he hated about himself, all he could see, all he could feel was……love
And it is not even the big things. It is the small things. The little gestures. The smiles, the laugh, the gaze that lingers in his heart and in his soul
Such mories that imprinted so strongly in his soul…that he could not erase it.
As he rembers all of these feelings, all of these mories, he felt himself slowly floating own from this illusory state of wanting to soar to so unknown vastness.
He saw his mories in a way he never saw it before.
He saw Sofia in a mory that he himself had forgotten. Maybe it was from that mont that he first like him
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He rembers her singing. And he rembers how he felt at that ti, seeing her sing. And then he saw the happy mories that he had with her.
He is no always there.
And sotis tis do bury so things.
But maybe it is because the intensification n of one feeling and emotion after the fall, that even after years had passed for him, he still has feelings for her.
It could not be erased. He rembers one morning in particular. At that ti, she and him is wandering the world before he left Earth.
It is inside a tree house. But the tree house is large and cozy. The flooring is wood. And there is a double bed inside a large room.
He was there on the bed, naked, covered by a white blanket, looking at the wood ceiling. There is a smile on his face. She sleeps and lay down her head on top of his chest
He flicks her nose and she smiles before she giggles. She opens her eyes and look at him, love in her eyes
And he kisses her on her forehead. And she giggles again. The sun rises up in the distance, and the sunlight enter the tree house from the windows.
The sound of the wave nearby, the beautiful sunlight that fall over him and her, all of it seems like a masterpiece painting.
She co closer to him, still that smile on her face.
She kisses him on his cheek. Then on his lips. On his nose and on his forehead.
And he laughed. And she also laughed.
He hugs her close and they just lay beside each other like that for hours. Her head on his chest, his fingers twirling her hair, smiling and laughing, they talk about empty things.
Sotis Sofia would get cheeky and tries to tickle him and he go along with it. It was the perfect morning.
At that ti, at that mont, he felt like…. he had everything he ever wanted
It is such a simple mont.
But why does such mont resonate so strongly in his heart? And Azief got the answer. Because she is next to him.
That’s the only thing he needed to rember her. Add that with all the things she did, it left an untraceable, indelible marks on his soul
He is in love with her, and she is in love with him. To love soone, and for that soone to love you back, the feeling of that happiness is hard to describe.
All of this mories, all of these warm feelings seems to envelop him and pull him closer back to the ground.
And then there is Katarina. And he was back toward that day underneath the abyss of ice. He saw her….and he lost his breath
It felt like ti stopped for him. Everything stopped but only she was not. The feeling of being awed by soone.
Azief had t many beauties in his journey. But…. there was just this sothing about her. The eting between him and Katarina felt like an inevitability.
He felt that even if he tries to run from this eting, sohow one day, sowhere, they would collide.
The cold princess. That is what people think of Katarina. But they do not know her, the way he did.
The way her face lights up when she smiles. The way she hopes for the best and fought for it. They talk to each other, and it felt like he knew her even before this.
They have never t before that ti, they co from different culture, different countries.
There were so many things that could differentiate them from each other, but, yet, sohow, it was like he knew her.
It did not an he knew her past, her stories, her life, no, that is not what he knew.
This is so kind of indescribable feeling, of knowing her, like a piece of puzzle eting together, and fitting each other.
A soulmate. This supernatural idea that there is soone who is perfect for you, to fill all of your soul.
Azief scoffed at this. Love is cheap. It is ever-changing. It is not eternal. It is not always and forever.
It hurts and it could break anyone. Pain and suffering.
But when he kisses her all of this was of no consequences. The cynic has beco the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot.
And all of the mories he shared with her flashes him by like so kind of panorama but each mont strikes deeply in his heart
With her, it is easy. They understood each other. And he co closer and closer back to the ground.
He then is reminded by many things. He saw Sina and was reminded of the scolding.
her scolding co from the heart so even when she was angry, Azief felt warm in his heart
And this warmth is rembered. People said that happy mories could cover up the bad.
And that is what is happening. He had a lot of dark monts in his life. There were many things in his life that he is not proud of doing.
This dark mont shaped him. And it is not easy to break that mold. To break what you think you are. Even now, there is a part of him that just stay there……in that darkness.
Hearing whispers of doubt. And sotis, he doesn’t want to leave that darkness. Not everyone is going to understand this.
Once you stay there long enough, it is hard to sotis get out of that. You began to feel that the darkness is the only thing you deserve to have.
But Azief is changing. He fought the whispers of doubt. Every day, he fought. But, there is always mistakes made sotis.
He is a flawed man.
There were just so things that he felt not worthy of having.
Love, hope, all of these good things people sotis take for granted is one of the most precious things that he just began to appreciate.
When one is weak, one seek power.
When one is strong, one appreciate sincerity.
This guilt carries on and on and like a cycle Azief had to fight it every ti.
That is why he thought the one thing that would make him able to find his way back to himself is these obsessions.
He expected to see so of his biggest mistake, trying to pull him into that darkness, trying to weaken him.
And by fighting the darkness and the obsession, not drowned by these self-doubt, that is the way he is going to co back ho.
That is what he thought would happen.
But the vision, the things that keeps calling him back is surprisingly all of these warm feelings.
There is so feeling of shock in his heart.
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The vision did not stop there. Another face appears and he saw Loki. Not the appearance that he always uses as a disguise but the true face of Loki.
When Azief broke through before and having a higher level than Loki, he had seen Loki true face. A young kid that is not even yet reach puberty at that ti.
Thinking about it again, it might also be Loki sche to show him his true face., To make him understand him and make Azief trust him.
He is mischievous, cheeky, a bit of a know-it-all, but, Azief had co to see him as his younger brother he never had.
He knew that Loki is a ti traveler. He did not know the full story but he knew that the story would not be simple.
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