"W-whenever I see a child in suffering, in pain, in tears- it reminds of my baby..... He died because of m-... I was being an irresponsible, heartless mother who left her sick child into the care of the so-called doctors believing he was in safe hands and went to s-sit for the viva in front of the dical council to save my career."
Tears began to spill from her helpless eyes, rolling down her cheeks to Wang Shi’s hands.
Suyin was not an emotional person, but the only thing that breaks her had been the mory of her baby. She still blas herself.
"Maybe if I had not left him, he would have been alive. Safe. Happy. By my side. B-But I—"
"Shh.... Don’t say... Let’s just drop it here." Her grief surged with every breath, reaching higher with every spoken word, not even soothing with long intakes of breaths. This was the second ti he had seen her sobbing.
The first ti was when he went to pay his respect to the woman and her baby who had saved his son’s life!
At the cremation!
She was inconsolable!
Not letting go of the body of her baby....
Her cries even shook the heaven, and they cried along. Even the rainwater spilling down her face couldn’t cover her tears. Watching her was the torture to his soul; she cried in such a desolate way that he couldn’t bear to see her for more than two minutes and left.
"No," she shook her head, "Let say it. It will keep on coming between us and every ti I’ll do the sa and be a disappointnt to you."
He shifted to the edge of her bed and wrapped his arms around her, stroking her back. Getting the opportunity, she did the sa and buried her face in his chest.
"T-they didn’t give him tily treatnt and let my baby suffer. Monsters. An easily treatable lung infection was turned to the point where his lungs collapsed and he was pushed into the OT but.... Hi-his tiny heart couldn’t hold the shock of the surgery and gave up... my baby...my poor child....."
He paused the stroking of her back, every part of his goes on pause while he tried to understand her words. Why did she say her child’s heart gave up? Why did she say her baby was pushed into the surgery for a collapsed lung?
Yes, there was a lung infection, but her baby was brain dead because of anoxia when the heart was harvested! He had checked everything himself.
Why her facts differ from his?
"Suyin," his gaze slide down, but seeing her sobbing, he couldn’t bring himself to ask sothing. "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have used that tone on you. I’m sorry, sweetheart.... Very sorry.... Sorry for everything."
"I’m ssed up, I’m sorry for making you be worried about .... But I would never be sorry for what I’m doing." She went on numbly, hugging him tighter. She just wanted to get it over with, to let him know once for all so it won’t create any problems between them. "My job has given a purpose to live. Whenever I do sothing for these kids, I feel less guilty for my baby. Maybe he will forgive his cruel mother one day."
"Shhh.... Enough, enough.... No more saying. You are breaking my heart by crying..." Things started to beco clear to him. In the past she had backed out from doing the dical procedures not because she’s scared or uncomfortable or because of the ban, but because she doesn’t want to.
She never appealed against the ban because she just doesn’t want to get into this field again. She’s holding herself guilty not only as a failed mother but as a failed doctor. She’s holding the doctors responsible for not giving treatnt to her child and had chosen to drop out of the profession...
The profession is no more noble to her....
As far as her identity as Zz was concerned, maybe she did it to earn money. She had once said that Zz works only for money, there’s no feeling for patients in her eyes.
Don’t know how long he lied down on the bed, hugging her, keeping her close to his heart. His hands ward her shoulder, not stopping even after her sobs ceased.
Feeling better, she looked up, showing her tear-stained face. It was shocking for Suyin that she let him see this side of her and didn’t even hesitate to cry in his arms. "Wang Shi,"
He pressed his lips to her temple that touched her soul. "You are a brave woman and an inspiration for many. I’m proud of you. And I’m lucky that you are mine. Only mine."
"Wrong. I’m Honey and yours. Don’t forget he cos first." She pouted, nudging her nose at his chest. "The only reason I said yes to you was because of Honey. Without him, you are nothing but a handso man and a doctor."
"God, Suyin. You are so an. Don’t forget, with Honey there cos a complintary Wang Shi. No return. No exchange. Equal attention mandatory" He pinched her nose until it turned red. "Dare not push away for Honey."
Lifting her head, she chuckled. The pain in her back wrinkled her brows, but he instantly soothed her back. Gosh! He was impossibly perfect. What luck pot had she stumbled into?
"Hey, you are not angry, right?"
"It wasn’t on purpose." He assured her. "Just a request. Please keep inford of your activities."
"I will," She extended his hand to smooth his wrinkled brows, but he caught it and pressed his lips on her fingers.
"Wants to call dinner here or join Honey in the lounge?"
"Is that a question to ask?"
He helped her up, "Honey, it is. But one day let’s go out alone."
Her nose wrinkled, "I’m not into those romantic candlelight dinners. It’s weird."
"Sa as . But I’m always up for a good company over food."
There was no way Suyin would reject this tempting offer. Not when every small thing was bringing them closer, strengthening the foundation of their relationship. "That’s an irresistible offer."
His smile that followed was her gift, as they walked to his office hand in hand....
*******
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