Suyin’s gaze slide at the man standing outside Wang Shi’s office. Feng Jin. Her steps hastened only to be stopped at the door. "Jin,"
"I got orders from the president’s son, sister. Can’t go back on my duty." His lips pursed, "Please."
She glanced at the door. Another closed door she had to face today. "Do you rember your promise?"
"I do." He said. Guilty of his rudeness towards Suyin when they first t, he had promised to go above his duty and everything in the world to side Suyin once. It was also his way to express gratitude for nding things between him and Wang Shi when the latter got angry for his behavior.
He stepped aside. The promise made by a military officer had to be fulfilled.
Suyin’s nose scrunched at the stench of alcohol once she stepped inside. On the couch, Wang Shi was sprawled with one leg dangling, two empty bottles, and a glass lying on the floor.
"Oh Shishi," she ran to lift his leg up before he could fall. She slides her hand under his neck as gently as ever, sliding a cushion. He half-opened his eyes, grunting, and pushed her. Oh, wish he had slapped her instead. "What have you done, silly? Just lie down, please."
He swayed upon trying to stand. She held him by the shoulder. "Don’t move. I’ll get you water--" she stood only to be yanked down by him on his lap.
With trembling hands he ran a knuckle down her cheek, eyes speaking emotions that only she understands well."I love your beautiful eyes. So deep. Grey. srizing." He slurred, his alcohol breath lingered on her face.
She sucked in a breath when he blew a stray strand out of her eyes. He kissed her eyelids. Slow. Sensual. "You know they shine when they see . Why? Your lips can lie, but your eyes can’t. So what possible reason could you have to condemn to reproach? Look-- I drank two bottles thinking about it. They say when you drink your subconscious mind answers questions that your conscious mind can not. But I’m still answered. Perhaps I should go for the third, fourth, fifth bottle--"
She silenced him with her hands on his lips. "No more drinks. Please. Don’t do this to yourself. It hurts."
"Yes. It hurts. And the worse, I don’t have any dicine to stop it." he jutted her lips out like a child in pain. "Do you have any?"
She raised her fingers to his cheeks, pushing down the pain erupting in our own hearts. "I don’t. It hurts too because I could not witness the misery I’m causing you, Honey, and myself."
"Then end it, my love. Why aren’t you telling ?"
Her throat went tight the way he used the endearnt. "To keep myself from saying the wrong things." He blinked away the sleep threatening to co over.
She stood from his lap against his wishes, rounding the corner to fetch a jug of water. He looked at her outstretched hand, the jug full to the brim, and then at her.
"Not this. I want to hear about those wrong things. Tell . I deserve to know. Is it still about your son’s heart?" She settles herself back on his lap, letting him hug her waist, bringing the jug to his mouth.
"Water will flush out the alcohol from your system through urine. Drink it all. "
"If I do, will you--"
She forced the rim of the jug to his teeth until he had drunk a considerable amount, wiping his lips with her sleeves. She set the jug aside on the table. And he waited like a patient child.
"It’s not about my son, but our son. Honey."
"Go on. I’m feeling better now. Listening."
"Without being your wife, I’m Honey’s mother. But being your wife, I will be his stepmother. Everything will change." She said. "I’ll be judged for my every decision that I shall take for Honey. And just like normal mothers, I don’t have the liberty to make any mistakes or take harsh decisions for my child.
And if at any ti I have done sothing that doesn’t stand apt on the rules set by society, I’ll be pronounced as a terrible mother. A stepmother who has taken the harsh decision because she hasn’t birthed the child. Because the child isn’t her blood and flesh. And if you dared to support in my decisions which you will, people will talk that you are not supporting your own son because you are indebted to or maybe chard by . People will never stop, Shishi! It will affect Honey’s growth."
He nodded repetitively as if a broken toy on loop. "So now people’s opinions matter more than our happiness? Great! Brilliant! Are you the sa Zhao Suyin who never bothered about people? I guess not."
"There’s more." She lost the courage to look into his eyes. "I dread about our future. You want a life with more children. I know how much you crave for a daughter. What if--"
"--what if our kids will be like those half-siblings who fights, who kill each other to claim right over the father’s wealth? What if things turned out like the way it turned out between my cousin and ? And Honey would be the one on target? Isn’t it? "
She looked up at the ceiling, taking a mont to stare at the carvings that belong to the El Sandrios culture. Oh God, she needed this diversion. She heard him gulping more water until the jug was down to the last drop. And then he nudged her off of him, leaving for the washroom with a word.
Vomit. Retching. It makes one feel wretched. At such ti, kind words and a pat on the back could do so much. She sprinted, struggling to turn the locked knob. "Shishi, open the door."
"Neither you trust our upbringing, nor Honey." his voice ca amidst the sound of water, "And besides you are completely taking decisions based on uncertainty. Have you ever thought about how Honey would react if he ca to know of your reasoning? What I’m feeling right now? Anyway, you never regard in this relationship so why would you care how am I feeling. The decision power solely belongs to you." the door clicked. Before she could get in, he stood in the doorway, wiping his hands with a towel. "Excuse ."
She moved aside to let him go, nervously playing with her fingers. He threw the towel on the table, opened the drawer, and gulped down a pill with water, not bothering to look at her as if she wasn’t there. She caught a glimpse of Honey’s custody papers that he had offered, but she never accepted it. She won’t. Never. Honey is not only hers, but his too. But before that she has to--
"H-Honey-"
"FOR GOD’S SAKE STOP RANTING HONEY EVERY TI! HONEY THIS HONEY THAT--" She jumped, choking a gasp. He breathed to calm himself first before continuing, "Tell Suyin, is everything in your life about Honey? Is everything in our relationship about Honey? Are you with solely because of him? Because I never saw you doing anything--" he pointed at the sa between them, "-for us. I never saw you talking about us. Not like I mind you being considerate about Honey, but where am I? Where are we? For God’s sake, I never even get to hear I love you from you. It’s always I love Honey. Sotis I really wonder if it’s the love I see in your eyes or just my desperate heart tricking . Do you even love ? Say it."
Suyin trembled, hands at pounding heart. He never yelled at her. Never. She gazed at him for a long mont. "I-I--"
"Please leave."
"Shi-"
"I’m not in the correct state of mind and need so sleep. Get out."
She left. She didn’t turn to look at him again and silently left. She knew he wouldn’t look at her too. She has hurt him. Probably he would never look at her with the sa gaze again. He would never speak or react to her directly in any way. Never. She has lost.
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