[Dunphy House]
Claire opened the door with a polite smile... which instantly vanished when she saw it wasn't just Andrew, it was the whole family behind him.
"What's going on? Is it Christmas and no one told ?" Claire muttered, as Phil walked over from the kitchen with a piece of toast in hand.
Jay, Gloria, Manny, Mitchell, Cam, and Lily entered like it was their house all along.
"Everyone to the living room!" Cam exclaid with theatrical enthusiasm.
'What is going on here?' Claire thought, confused and curious.
Once they were all settled, Andrew stood at the front, every eye on him. Even Haley and Alex showed up, sensing sothing was happening, especially since there was no scheduled family gathering or anything like that.
Andrew sumd it all up. Even Haley put down her phone.
He finished the story, and there was a beat of silence, until Claire spoke.
"Break up with Regina," Claire said bluntly.
"Straight to the point... nice," Andrew muttered. That was option two, just like Mitchell, only way more direct.
"Pippa is smart, sweet, funny, determined, confident. She's perfect for you. And you're going to risk that for... running with a friend who doesn't change your life?" Claire raised an eyebrow. "I raised you better than that. Well, partially."
"Claire..." Phil said, clearly not agreeing with the solution.
"No, Phil. I'm not going to sugarcoat this. Andrew needs to do the right thing. This isn't about principles, it's about holding on to what matters. Please your girlfriend!"
[Claire's comnt]
"Yes, I said it. You want to maintain a relationship? Please her. That doesn't an losing your identity. It ans choosing your battles. I let Phil wear vests with Christmas lights. That was a sacrifice."
"I rember that first Christmas—"
[End of comnt]
"Alright! My turn," Phil said, raising his hand like he was in class.
"I'm all ears," Andrew replied.
"What if... you get Regina and Pippa to beco friends? Like, bring them together casually, you know, buddy-style," Phil said with a wink. "They connect, they beco besties and, bam! Ga nights, karaoke. Who doesn't love karaoke?"
The silence was deafening.
Alex looked at him like he'd just suggested fusing atoms with duct tape.
Mitchell murmured, "Oh my God, he's worse than my dad."
Jay nodded, "Thanks."
[Phil's Comnt]
"How do you solve a jealousy problem? Easy, bring the parties involved together and make them friends. That way, no one gets hurt and Pippa gains a new friend. Win-win!"
[End of comnt]
Andrew nodded and jotted down Phil's option, which was different from all the others.
"Bring Pippa and Regina together. Create a friendship between them. Reduce jealousy through group trust..."
"Pros: No one loses anything. Everyone wins. Cons: Could go horribly wrong or end in a reality-show-worthy scene," he added.
"My turn," Alex said, taking the floor, and everyone turned to her.
"Do what Pippa asks. Of course she doesn't ask for it directly, but rather indirectly" Alex stated with her usual commander tone. No hesitation. Not a single extra comma.
Andrew stared at her for a mont, narrowing his eyes slightly. For so reason, he felt that advice wasn't exactly coming from a neutral place.
[Andrew's Comnt]
"Alex loves Pippa. She sees her as the ideal sister, a better version of herself, or her equal..."
"So is this real advice? Or just a strategy to avoid losing her intellectual ally in the family? I'm betting on the second one."
[End of comnt]
Haley spoke up next.
"Let tell you as an expert, this is typical. We do it all the ti," she said.
Andrew raised an eyebrow. "Do what all the ti?"
"When we say everything's fine, but clearly, it's not. We don't want to co off as jealous and insecure all the ti, so we bottle it up until it explodes, and then ga over for you," Haley replied, paused slightly, and continued.
"You didn't do anything wrong, okay? But that doesn't matter. What matters is that she thinks sothing's going on," she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
'Howard was right about the source code of the female operating system,' Andrew thought, wearing a strange expression.
He knew it was the usual joke, that when a girl says she's not jealous, she actually is.
But he didn't think it applied to so many real-life cases. It just seed childish. Why not be upfront from the start? Or have enough self-confidence to trust your partner...
"And what's the solution?" asked Luke from the stairs.
No one turned to look at the kid whose head was stuck between the rails.
"Please her. Don't look for logic, forget your principles. Ask yourself what you'd do if she were in that situation: running alone with an attractive guy under clearly suspicious circumstances," Haley replied.
Andrew opened his mouth, but couldn't find a good response, so he closed it.
Mitchell, from the corner of the living room, suddenly stood up with both fists raised.
"And there it is! Absolute winner! Option two with multiple variations! Democracy has spoken!"
Andrew glanced at his phone and read out loud to the entire room:
"Option 2, four votes. Different versions, but all the sa solution: break up with Regina."
Mitchell, Claire, Alex, and Haley exchanged satisfied looks and nodded in unison.
"Option 1, three votes. Talk from the heart, but with a big gesture. A letter, flowers, sothing to soften the conversation.
Option 3, one vote.
Option 4, one vote."
[Mitchell's Comnt]
"I know I'm competitive. But for my option to win among so many dysfunctional family opinions... That's a level of validation I didn't know I needed. Plus, it's about ti soone listened to the voice of reason," said Mitchell with a triumphant smile.
[End of comnt]
Cam crossed his arms and turned to Mitchell with total indignation, "How can you be proud of that option?!"
Manny nodded in agreent, "Love lost! What's the point of a relationship if there's no trust and you don't talk about insecurities and feelings?!"
"Andrew needs a practical solution. Not one that's dramatic and humiliating," Claire huffed, arms crossed.
"Claire, you married Phil. Don't talk to about humiliating," Cam shot back, pointing at her.
"Hey!" said Phil, raising his hand.
"Now that we're on the topic... I'm changing my vote to Option 2. Manny's. You convinced . I don't want Andrew to lose a friendship. I think he can speak from the heart and make a sincere gesture. I believe in the power of love and friendship!" he added, earning a mont of absolute silence in the living room.
"What did you just say?" Claire asked slowly, with a tone that was downright scary, as she slowly turned her head to look at Phil.
"I'm sorry, honey, but I'm standing by my decision," Phil said, holding her gaze.
Claire glared at him. "Seriously, Phil? You're sabotaging our own option!?"
"I'm just saying... everyone deserves a second chance! Even Regina..."
"The attractive and perfect cheerleader with suspicious intentions!" shouted Haley from the couch, clearly unhappy that her option wasn't the winner.
Gloria turned around triumphantly. "Gracias, Phil! Sensitivity wins!"
"Objection! You can't just change your vote like that!" Mitchell exclaid, standing up as if he were in a courtroom.
But Andrew was already typing on his phone, "Option 1, now with four votes... technical tie."
And in that mont... everything exploded.
"This is ridiculous!" Claire yelled, pointing at Phil. "Your indecision ruined the system! What decision is Andrew supposed to make now?"
"Are we just going to ignore that I have more relationship experience than everyone in this room combined?" shouted Haley, hoping her cousin would choose her option.
"Oh please, Haley! How long do your relationships last? A month, two at most?" said Alex.
"Hey, we're on the sa team!" Haley said, frowning at her.
"Oh, right... force of habit," Alex replied, realizing they had both chosen Option 2.
Andrew stared at the chaos that had erupted in re seconds.
'I only asked for advice. I never said the most voted option would be the final route. But it'd be weird to clarify that now...' he thought.
Just then, Jay slowly raised his hand and exclaid in a loud, gravelly voice, "Silence!"
The silence was imdiate. Everyone turned to look at him.
'What are you, the great patriarch?' Andrew thought, seeing him sitting upright, back straight, hand raised, serious face, like the commander of an army who had just stopped a mutiny with a single command.
And before anyone could ask anything, Jay spoke, serious, grave expression on his face:
"I'm changing my vote."
Everyone's eyes widened in shock.
"What...?" Mitchell muttered in disbelief.
"Jay? Mr. Anti-Romance, the cold-hearted 'don't trade your freedom for peace' guy... he's going to break the tie?" Cam whispered.
Jay looked around the room and repeated it.
"Yes. I'm changing my vote."
Cam, Gloria, Manny, and Phil all shared the sa horrified expression.
'This is bad!' the four of them thought at the sa ti.
[Manny's Comnt]
"It's obvious. Jay is going to pick the enemy option... Choose the emotional talk and grand gesture? Never..."
But then, sothing clicked in his mind.
"Wait a minute! Jay wouldn't do the other thing either. Because if Andrew ends his friendship with Regina just to please Pippa... he's giving up his freedom! He'd be doing exactly what Jay says shouldn't be done!
Jay would never obey a girlfriend just because they asked him to!"
Manny's eyes widened.
"It's impossible to know what's going on in that head of his... I don't know if that's better or worse," he said, sighing and shaking his head, rubbing his forehead.
[End of comnt]
Cam began to doubt as well. He knew Jay hated sentintality...
but he also knew Jay hated being bossed around by a partner even more.
'What's he going to say?' Cam wondered.
For the first ti all day, he wasn't sure he could predict Jay.
anwhile, Mitchell and Claire exchanged a look of pure silent panic.
[Claire's Comnt]
"I know him. I know him better than anyone," Claire said, narrowing her eyes.
"He's stubborn. But lately... he's gotten more sentintal. More thoughtful. More... emotionally weak than he used to be."
[End of comnt]
[Mitchell's Comnt]
"Dad hates emotional talks and big romantic gestures. But he hates even more being seen as a man under soone's thumb. Pleasing a woman just because she asked you to?
To him, that's... betrayal of manhood," Mitchell said, beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead.
[End of comnt]
Both of them, the most experienced when it ca to reading Jay, ca to the sa conclusion at the exact sa ti:
'The grumpy old man is going to vote for Manny's option!'
Claire stood up, as if her body moved on instinct. Mitchell did the sa, and they locked eyes.
"We can't let him do this," Mitchell whispered, and Claire nodded, jaw clenched.
"If Dad votes for Manny... we lose," Claire said in a low tone.
"And we can't lose," murmured Mitchell.
Phil watched them from the side, half a piece of toast in hand, whispering, "Is anyone else feeling like this is getting personal?"
Jay cleared his throat. His posture was solemn.
Claire and Mitchell were seconds away from interrupting everything, desperately searching for any excuse to stop him.
But right at that mont, a child's voice broke the silence first:
"Wait a minute!"
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