Because despite all the effort I’ve put into him, in his eyes, I’m nothing, because he doesn’t have in his heart. I know that a marriage without love is really hard to live through, because the person he loves most deeply in his heart isn’t you. Even if you give him everything, abandon everything for him, he wouldn’t care. Deep in his heart, what he wants is just a peaceful life, and he wouldn’t change because of these things. But who’s thought about how hard my life is? Yet, ti and again, listening to my parents tell the stories of my grandparents, I am indeed touched deep inside!
I don’t quite understand what it is about you or the reasons that make so touched by what my grandparents did and what they faced. I only hope that my grandparents could be happy. But when I see how my grandparents turned my mom into what she is now, I have no way to forgive. I am not a Saint; I can’t forgive ti and again. You’re asking to stupidly smile and think that all of this is the best because all of this is right? I really can’t do it. I once thought that as long as everyone could live happily together, no matter how much I endured, it didn’t matter. I was willing to bear all the pain for everyone as long as you all could be happy and joyful. But what did I get in return? My mother ended up in the hospital, while you all continue to live carefree lives outside. I don’t understand what kind of reason allows you to live so heartlessly.
Perhaps it’s simply because she is my mother, and I have no feelings towards him, so you can’t feel the despair and pain of a family mber going mad. All you can do is hope your family drags along ti and again. I want to hope my family could happily live every day; almost everyone’s thoughts are the sa, but the choices they face are nearly identical. I’ve gone through so much, and I just hope he could beco a gust of wind and disappear with the wind, but can I ultimately achieve such a result? That’s simply impossible."
Zhang Zhentian never thought that his actions would bring such heavy harm to everyone in the family. Now seeing his grandson and son living so hard, how could his heart truly be happy? But he is just such a person; when facing everyone, he always has a smiling face. All the suffering and pain can only be swallowed silently by himself, and who could stand in his position to understand as an elder should, have the thought and actions he has.
He didn’t have it easy either. Ti and again, he gave everything, and all he wanted was for everyone to live happily, joyfully. Everything he did was still for his family, to allow them to live the best life ti and again. He just ultimately chose the wrong path.
Now, in his eyes, he has no way to turn back. Every action he’s taken has beco a mistake, and these mistakes can only continue. If he chooses to turn back now, everything he has put into these past years would all be in vain. He decided to tell his son and grandson all he has experienced these past years.
"Perhaps you think I’ve been very selfish over the years, never caring about your thoughts and feelings internally, but I hope after you hear everything I say to you today, if you still think I’m so hard-hearted, then don’t cry. Then I would have no words to describe you. I only hope that everything I say to you today could resolve the biggest misunderstanding between us. Don’t let so bad things affect all your judgnts about . I also hope to sincerely beco a part of this family, rather than ti and again being t with suspicion. I just want to genuinely integrate into this big family. I know how hard it is to have a family, even if you give your all, ultimately it may be futile. I’ve tried before; as long as I can be happy and joyful myself, I wouldn’t hesitate even if it ant hurting everyone in the family. But now I can’t; I can’t be as heartless and emotionless as I was before. I hope you can quietly listen to all the journeys of my heart I share with you!"
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