"Child, you know everything I’ve done is like this; you should understand my intentions as a father."
"You don’t need to explain too much to , but I believe my past perceptions of you were not misunderstandings. All my thoughts about you were genuine. Those were the most authentic impressions you gave , weren’t they? I won’t forget that, and I also thank you for saying so much to today. Thank you for treating as your son; at least I didn’t live in this world for nothing..."
Zhang Yichen now feels that his father’s experiences over the years were nothing short of a colorful life. He never had those experiences and wanted to have his own wild adventures, to live willfully for himself. But over these years, he’s been focusing on his goals, trying to prove to the world that he’s a good man, forgetting what he truly wanted in the end.
"Dad, do you know? When I hear about your life experiences, deep down, I’m mostly envious of you. I admire you for being able to live so freely outside for so long, disregarding everything at ho just for your own happiness. But I can’t. I’ve spent my whole life running around for everyone in the family. I’ve never known what it’s like to live just for myself, and I haven’t tried to figure out how I should live on my own!
Maybe because our experiences are different, our attitudes towards everything are different. You’ve lived happily, freely, and easily all these years, but what about ? I’ve been here enduring devilish training. Back then, I truly hated you. I’ve said these words a hundred tis, declaring to the world that I really hate you. I didn’t want to admit you were my parents because you never stayed by my side. You’ve only ever given hurt; as parents, you didn’t fulfill the responsibilities you should have. Instead, you hurt us again and again. Perhaps deep down, I’m not fit to be your son.
Precisely because I’m afraid you think I’m unfit to be your son, I’ve given everything I have. I’ve spent my youth, my ti, my childhood all on training, because I want you to know that I’m truly your son. Am I worthy to be your son? Are you truly worthy to be my parents? Deep down, you know better than anyone that you aren’t the best parents. There are too many more perfect parents than you in the world. Even in poverty, parents can stay by their children’s side, enduring hardship, but what about you?
You’re the type who, at the slightest disturbance, is unwilling to stay by your child’s side. You treat your child as unimportant, ready to have when you want and abandon when you don’t. Where does that leave , and in what position? From the beginning until now, I don’t know my place in your hearts because I don’t understand why you prefer wandering outside rather than staying by my side; does being by my side cause you so much suffering? Or is it that deep down, I’ll only ever belong here?
Mom and Dad, there are things I really don’t want to repeat over and over again because doing so hurts my heart each ti. Whenever I think back to those years you abandoned , to my lone, painful childhood facing others’ ridicule, it’s like a knife cutting deep inside.
But I have no choice. I really have no way to easily let go of everything from before, like you can disregard everything from the past and pretend it never happened. But I can’t, because those are the wounds and pain others gave !
I truly wish ti could turn back. I wish for it more than anyone. If only ti could rewind just a little, I wouldn’t have to live so hard like this.
If only ti could retreat even a little, I could live happily and joyfully. I definitely wouldn’t abandon my childhood or let it be marred in painful mories. Whenever I recall what I went through, the bits and pieces of my childhood, I can hardly believe, is that really a child’s childhood? Why are others’ childhoods so bright and mine so dark and damp?
Why do all children have such huge differences in childhoods? Just because I was born into a wealthy family, do I have to accept being abandoned by my parents, accept the fate of falling repeatedly and then bravely getting back up, still smiling while facing everyone’s ridicule?
I’m not willing to accept it. I’m truly unwilling. You have so many things you’re unwilling about, so why can’t I be unwilling just this once? I’ve given so much; why is this the result I ultimately received? If I had known this outco, why did I choose to be born to you at all? Why did you give birth to to endure such pain?"
"Child, don’t say anymore. Over the years, we know how you’ve gotten through it. Your life has been hard and difficult, and everything you’ve achieved was through your own efforts. You’ve never asked for help from anyone, and because of this, as your parents, we feel even more remorseful. We never intended to bring you such harm. We just wanted you to live a stable and peaceful life.
But why in the end have I brought you such pain? Ti and again, as parents, we’ve lost our purpose. I no longer know how to provide you with a happy and secure ho!
You’re right; as parents, we’re indeed unqualified because we’ve never fulfilled our responsibilities to you. We’ve only caused you so much pain; can your heart hate ? But don’t bla your mother. Everything she did was out of necessity; I forced her. She never intended to abandon you, her own flesh and blood. When she held you back then, I was the one pulling her away. She wouldn’t let go because she’s your mother, painstakingly giving birth, connected by blood!"
"Actually, who forced who doesn’t matter anymore. Today, I just want to express all my thoughts from the depths of my heart over the years. I don’t want to be trapped in a small room anymore. I don’t want to live my whole life in painful mories. I just want you to know that I’ve forgiven you. If I hadn’t forgiven you, I wouldn’t be saying these words to you because I’m under no obligation or responsibility to ease your guilt from deep within!"
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