Reflect on all your experiences over these years, I believe you should find that there’s still a lot of beautiful mories between you. mories that we have never experienced, and do not know what such mories feel like.
Grandfather, I know that such events are an enormous insult to a man, a deep humiliation, a shadow that may never be erased in a lifeti. But I believe, as long as you sincerely want to live on with grandmother, no matter what mistakes she has made, you can forgive and tolerate.
These events happened a long, long ti ago, but you have chosen never to speak of them. That proves, deep in your heart, you chose to help him, to live on with him, because you know how strict the family rules are. Once a mistake is made, especially adultery, he would be relentlessly cast out by the family. At that ti, everyone would look disgraceful. I believe you did not just because you love grandmother deep down, but also to protect the century-old reputation of being the head of the family."
"Nai’er, I must admit, I agree deeply with what you said. Back then, although I did not disclose all of this, there was indeed a deep shadow in my heart. The reason I can compromise to this extent is that I want to protect the family’s reputation. I cannot let my father’s hard-earned family honor be destroyed by the two of us. He made the mistake, and I can bear the consequences for him. But I cannot drag down my family, my father, or my entire clan.
I know my father is old, and he can’t endure the slightest harm now. If he is hurt again because of , how could I face him? How could I face my mother, who exchanged her life for a chance for to live? And how could I face the ancestors of the Zhang Family beneath the Nine Springs?
Maybe none of that really matters, but it’s the only conclusion I can make for the people of this family. It’s the only contribution I can make to the family, even if it’s just a tiny bit.
Such contributions may not be the most important to the people in this family, but they are a piece of my heart. Everything I did considered my family factors. I kept neglecting what my family most needed, what care they needed. I abandoned everything, and in the end, I gained nothing.
After hearing my story today, I hope you won’t speak of it to anyone, especially my father. As you have said, he is old and cannot withstand any blow. I don’t want him to worry about because of my situation. Since my wife has decided to stay with the family, I hope she genuinely wants to live, not just say it, and not choose to exploit my feelings again. That would make things even more awkward between us, making it impossible to face each other.
These things I can only tell you, I cannot say them to anyone else, because once spoken, everything changes. I don’t want my wife to endure public pressure, I only hope she can live happily, even if the person she loves most in her heart isn’t . Still, I hope she can smile for life. As long as she is happy, even if I suffer humiliation, I willingly accept it. And now she’s indeed happy, and I’ve received it, accepting all the humiliation that I should. But I don’t bla her, this is all my own choice.
I chose this path myself, so I have no reason to bla others.
Because the path is chosen by oneself, blaming others doesn’t have any significance. It can’t change one’s current situation.
Perhaps you find it funny, but even after he betrayed the marriage and feelings, I still love him unabashedly. This love has engraved itself deeply in my bones, making it impossible to escape for a lifeti. I don’t understand my own deep internal feelings, why among so many people in the world, my heart beats solely for him. Do you understand that kind of feeling? It’s like being used once and abandoned repeatedly by everyone, powerless, just silently watching, feeling deep pain inside. But you can’t do anything, only silently endure the hurt caused by him, treating these pains as an experience in life, a feeling. Maybe that way, you can slightly balance internally and feel a bit better?"
Zhang Yichen now realizes his father is genuinely foolish, loving his mother to the point of being incurable.
He really longs for the day his mother can see what his father has done for her, all the efforts he’s made, and stop doing things that repeatedly hurt their family, which brings pain and distress to everyone. Perhaps his mother doesn’t feel it inside, but those around clearly see it: who she is, what she’s done, what kind of life she’s facing.
Although Zhang Ni doesn’t understand love, he feels he’s finally witnessed how terrifying marriage can be today. But he also understands that not everyone finds marriage frightening. For so, marriage is fulfilling because of mutual loyalty, while others suffer because one party betrays and violates the commitnts they once made, the vows, the trust they had. It’s only when mistakes are realized that one sees how wrong they were. But by then, looking back, betrayal is still betrayal.
"I am completely aware of all the betrayals between you two. I have left all the room for you to pretend everything has happened. I rely want you to clearly realize the absurdity of your actions..."
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