Whenever I encountered so difficulties, I could make the things I loved most revert to their original state. Was that the result Teacher Sun wanted? Watching the person I loved most leave ti and ti again, allowing everything I cared about to completely contradict my original intentions, I then realized that all of this was really not what I wanted.
"No matter what you say to or what words you choose, I won’t ever let go of your hand for the rest of my life. You can’t escape completely either. Isn’t it just about wanting to live happily? It’s simple, if you’re with , I can give you the life you want, everything you want. Why do you treat like this and cruelly abandon ? Does abandoning truly make you happy? When you see in agony, do you feel good inside?" Zhang Zhentian once again showed his relentless nature.
Xia Jing was speechless with Zhang Zhentian. How could soone be like this? She had already spoken so definitively with no room for retreat. Why did he still choose this way? Was it truly that important in his eyes? Just what kind of person am I, when I can’t even understand myself, let alone expect others to fully understand? Perhaps it’s my excessively high standards that drive everyone who loves away. Where exactly is my mistake?
"Sigh, why can’t you listen to all that I’ve said? You should know I don’t genuinely want to abandon you. Discarding you causes deep pain too, but do you realize that every ti I decide to leave you, it hurts too? Yet I know, if I don’t resolutely leave you now, we will only hurt each other more deeply in the future because you no longer include in your heart. Every decision you’ve made is directed at , disregarding my feelings. It’s the sa this ti; I’m being interrogated for no reason. What have I done? Why do you repeatedly assu that all bad things are my doing? Am I really such a person who loves doing bad things in your eyes?" Xia Jing said to Zhang Zhentian. "Actually, often I don’t even know what kind of person I am. Even if I used to commit many wrongs, I still hope to be a good person now. I want a life lived openly, not constantly hiding, always trying to cover up my mistakes. The things I did before are my deepest regrets. I’ve never regretted anything as much as that in the past, but now I truly understand that nothing is more important than family. But now it’s too late, there’s no room for maneuver. Let’s leave a way out for each other and not force each other into a corner, okay?"
"You ask not to drive you into a corner, but do you realize that everything you’ve said and done today is pushing towards the edge? How scared I am that you’ll leave , don’t you understand how intense this fear is? I’ve never dared to wish for anything else, because each ti you leave, I feel deep sadness. However, after all this ti, when finally my pain was beginning to heal, why reopen my wound again? Must you keep tearing it open and rubbing salt into it until I’m in agony for your happiness? Everyone must take responsibility for their actions. If you choose this path, don’t regret it because once chosen, there’s no turning back. Life is like this—no matter what decisions you make, your entire life will follow this path. Even if you chose wrong at the start, you must continue down this painful path with no pleasure. What else can you do? I had no choice but to go with you into the civil office to sign the divorce papers. You heartlessly abandoned , kicked out as your wife; don’t now claim I abandoned you. Aren’t you confusing black with white by saying so?"
"So you’re still hung up on taking you into the civil office to sign for divorce. I know this wounded you greatly, but back then wasn’t I also driven mad with anger? I cared about you so much; I couldn’t accept any of your lies. Even if I could accept your lies, I couldn’t accept placing your health at risk. It was because I cared that I acted that way. I wished you would have pleaded with sincerely and promised never to lie again. But you said what you did, do you not rember every word you spoke? Oftentis hearts are stubborn, longing for love without abandonnt. How I wished you would be with , do you understand? I gave so much to be with you, but in your eyes it seems worthless. Our ti together was the happiest of my life. I realize I shouldn’t bla you entirely for those things; my mistakes were clear. Why was I not brave enough to take responsibility for the consequences of my wrongs? I was scared too, scared of being expelled by my family again, so I was selfish. But because of my selfishness, you left utterly. Isn’t that my biggest punishnt? It’s been so many years; shouldn’t we reconcile!"
"You worried your family might expel you, but did you not think they might expel because of these things? When acting, you were truly selfish; you admit it yourself. Why should I reconcile with you now, when doing so ans letting you hurt all over again? Do you not know how painful this makes feel inside? Each ti, I’ve longed to live with you, but what about you? Every decision you’ve made, have you ever treated as family? You’ve treated so, yet each ti I’ve forgiven you, accepted all your faults. But what about you? This is how you treat , pushing your mistakes onto , making your family believe I’m at fault, and wanting to kick out. Are you satisfied now? We can never go back. You can return ho peacefully. Why do you still seek out repeatedly, only causing more pain!"
"Who hasn’t endured pain deep down, who lives always cheerfully without fluctuations, who foresaw what their life would beco? Things most desired are often hardest to attain!
Now I’ve learned not to continue entangled. Entanglent might benefit oneself but inflicts harm on others, causing oneself suffering as well, and that’s not what I want."
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