In my life, I’ve experienced so much, too much, but I know that the mont I repeatedly lost what I cared about the most, perhaps deep inside, my original intentions and understanding had already changed.
Because I don’t know what kind of feeling I truly want deep down, nor do I know how my life can beco exactly what I once envisioned as ideal.
Zhang Zhentian never thought that his father would so easily fulfill him. Who knows how he’s actually been living all these years? No one knows what kind of life he truly desires. Perhaps this life, in his eyes, is the most perfect right now.
Originally, I thought I’d never have the opportunity to enjoy such a happy life again in this lifeti. But who knew that at this point, I could still have such flawless days?
"Dad, deep down, I actually understand well that sotis the things I say indeed hurt you deeply. I also know that so matters aren’t as simple as I make them out to be. You can’t just forget all the harm I’ve caused you as easily as that. Even I don’t have any way to acknowledge the kind of hurt it is. How can you possibly just let go of everything like that?
We’ve all traveled different paths and weathered diverse storms. Nobody knows what we’ve gone through, nor the scale of errors we’ve committed. The life I want is rely a peaceful one; I’ve never at any point wanted to repeatedly hurt others. Hurting others brings no benefit to myself.
Like , living selfishly over and over again, what did I ultimately gain? I’ve been ridiculed by others. I don’t even know how to return to my own ho. I have a ho but can’t go back!
My father, have you ever considered from my perspective how I’ve been doing all these years? All of you know better than anyone how I’ve navigated these stormy years.
If each of you could experience that feeling of sleepless nights, living every day with difficulty, do you know how exhausting that is? I’ve never complained to anyone about how hard my life is, because I understand complaining serves no purpose."
"Dad, please don’t talk about these things anymore. Share with us how you and mom have been living outside all these years. What have you been through and how do you live each day? I want to know how you two have managed!
Even though we haven’t been together these years, I still want to understand your lives, to know how you’ve lived these years. I want to know how you’ve managed through so many years!"
Zhang Yichen feared her father and grandfather would argue again, so she quickly spoke up. To prevent them from constantly arguing, perhaps shifting all attention onto herself was the best thod. If they continuously argued while living together, did they return to this ho just to add more argunts?
Zhang Zhentian didn’t expect his son to want to understand his life as a father. His feelings toward him should be clear. It’s because of this clarity that he couldn’t fathom why his son would choose to understand his life.
"Yichen, do you genuinely want to understand Dad’s life over the years? Do you know how hard it’s been for Dad all these years? When I heard you say that, deep down, I can actually understand you.
Dad doesn’t know your mindset when you chose to say this. Are you afraid of Dad and Grandfather arguing again, or are you mocking Dad for how horrible his life has been away from ho all these years, using this to criticize for leaving this ho with so many inconveniences?"
"Dad, you’re mistaken. I never thought about these issues or matters. The life I want is neither too much nor too little—I simply want to live happily. I only want everyone to live happily; the journeys we’ve taken are truly different.
You and mom have managed to return ho with great difficulty. I don’t want you to argue with Grandfather the mont you return ho. His body can’t withstand such intense argunts repeatedly; it would collapse.
Deep down, you’re clearer than anyone else. As a father, you’ve not fulfilled a father’s responsibilities because you’ve never been there for . You’ve never taken care of as a son. You’ve wandered outside every day, leaving to your elderly father.
Similarly, how have you treated your father as a son? You repeatedly left him here alone, letting him hide in a corner silently crying. Where were you? Out in the world enjoying life, and what about your father, your son? They suffered so terribly here, enduring step by step to where they are today. Deep inside, don’t you have any understanding?
As a grandfather, you’ve abandoned your grandson, knowing full well that’s your grandson yet you’re afraid to acknowledge him. You silently sacrificed everything behind the scenes, yet you refuse to return ho. You value your dignity and pride, choosing repeatedly to stubbornly refuse reconciliation, pleading with everyone to let you stay. Is saying ’I’m sorry’ really that difficult? Couldn’t you just apologize early and return ho sooner?
The things I’m telling you now, I just hope you’ll recognize what you should do. If you continue doing what you did repeatedly before, what’s the point of everyone living together? What kind of harm will each person suffer?
Honestly, deep down, you’ve long wanted to share all your experiences over these years with everyone, yet you haven’t found the right opportunity to speak up. I’ve given you the chance, but do you still reject it now? Ultimately, everything I’ve said is just to hear your experiences, fulfilling a part of what you hold inside. I don’t want you to struggle within, repeatedly not knowing what you truly want deep inside!
When others give you a ladder, can’t you climb down just a bit?"
Sigh! Zhang Shengping doesn’t know what to say. His son’s intelligence is simply extraordinary. If he had such intelligence, wouldn’t his life be better? Things wouldn’t have beco so embarrassing. If he had both emotional and intellectual intelligence, would he be a hundred tis better than his son? But why did fate only give him emotional intelligence and forget the intellectual?
The happiest thing is fulfilling others while fulfilling oneself, yet ultimately, one also suffers harm repeatedly. Those harms might not matter in others’ eyes, but it’s a source of pain driving oneself repeatedly into the abyss...
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