Dreams set sail on the wind, while my heart is like a blue ocean.
Zhang Zhentian never really expected her son’s childhood would end up like this. Everything she saw back then wasn’t entirely about how tough her son had it, sothing truly beyond words.
Thinking about all of this, realizing it was her selfishness that brought such suffering to her child, why does the heart of a father hurt so deeply? If deep inside, as a father, he doesn’t care about his child, then why, when he said these words today, was there still a hint of reluctance in his heart? Could it truly be that her words were just too moving?
"Yichen, listen to . Deep down, as a father, it’s not like I don’t care. It’s just that all these years have numbed , and I don’t know how to be a father. Over these years, I’ve imagined many scenarios of eting again, never expecting that one day I’d co back ho due to your and my grandson’s pleas. Do you know what that feels like for ? I can’t believe it, can’t accept it. Though I know everything you do is for my benefit as a father, to bring back ho, the mont you pleaded for , I realized I could never repay what I owe you in this life!
Son, is it that every day you live in this world, you also feel tortured deep inside? You’ve never dared to hope whether one day your father would return to your side because you’re afraid to hope, afraid that all your wishes are just illusions that never co true. You can’t face the reality that repeatedly hits you hard, just like I am. I’m scared too, scared that I’ll never have any chance for happiness again, scared that I’ve lost the only right to return ho!
The last ti, I silently wondered if I might ever co back ho as a beggar or rely on soone else’s charity. Never did I expect that ultimately, I’ve sacrificed my pride, aided by my son and grandson, to return ho. I chose to admit all my mistakes because that car accident made see in nightmares every wrong thing I’ve done in this life. It flickered again and again. How could my heart not be tortured by such things? I’m not cold-hearted, and it’s not that I don’t want to return ho; I’ve just lost my right to co back ti and ti again because all my decisions have thoroughly made an ungrateful person!
For my freedom, I’ve selfishly abandoned my family, forsaking my father and son. To pursue my freedom, repeatedly damaging the family’s century-long prestige!
Son, compared to you, I’m hardly worthy. Even though you think I’ve lived a rich life, do you think I’m happy? Many things have ended in ways we never imagined, haven’t they?
If, one day, after wandering outside for all those years, constantly drifting about, wouldn’t you want to return ho, back to your father’s side, to your own child, even if you had soone you loved dearly accompanying you all the ti? Your heart would still be empty because you miss the greetings and care from your family, which you’ve cruelly left behind, yet they hope against hope at ho, yearning for your return. They long for you every mont; can you imagine how heart-wrenching it is to see your family waiting outside the door for you to return in dreams?"
At this mont, Zhang Yichen didn’t know what to say to his father.
He knew his father always wanted to return ho. As a son, he’s helped as much as he can. He also understood how much his father had sacrificed all these years, but so things couldn’t be easily dismissed. The years of absence, the lack of companionship, would always be a longing deeply rooted in his heart. Even though now everything was back by his side, the missing childhood joy was sothing that could never be made up for.
"Dad, I can imagine that feeling. Knowing your family eagerly awaits your return, yet you lack the courage to go back. You could only stand in a dream, from afar, watching your family anxiously awaiting you, that feeling, it’s really painful, and I can understand it!"
"Because this is how I’ve lived all these years. I’ve always longed for my parents to return to . Do you understand my anticipation for you? I wished so much for you to co back, to see as your son. I only wish my parents could put in their last effort, just to co back and accompany , even if just for a day, a mont, or a second. That would be all my happiness. I never had your companionship and don’t know what it feels like to be with my parents. I’ve even forgotten I have parents!
Perhaps expressing this hurts you deeply, perhaps hearing this makes you dissatisfied, but so things are just this cruel, and I have no way to pretend none of this happened. You are my father, and you know so things are truly unforgettable. Like when you were refused at my doorstep ti after ti, keenly wanting to return ho, but I only brought you hurt. Would you really be happy deep down? You can never forget the hurt your son inflicted on you, can you?"
"You’re right, I can’t forget the hurt you caused , but deep down I know that it’s all my own doing. I ultimately chose to return in this manner, which ans I must endure your gaze repeatedly. I have no choice; the outcos were beyond what anyone expected. Would the most perfect ending really have anyone believe that maybe our current ending is the right one?"
I once wished that starlight could soar across the sky, happiness like a colorful paradise. Later, I realized only by flapping my wings toward the sun could I reach my destination.
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