"Fine, since you’ve put it that way, I shall listen closely to his explanation. If it does not satisfy , then I absolutely won’t be lenient with her!"
"Dad, deep down, you should be able to understand how I feel.
I dare not admit, with other matters I don’t know how to explain these things to you, but you must have heard it clearly, right? I loved my first love deeply, I could abandon everything for her, I could stand at her door for days and nights, I could be frosted to death there, but I was unwilling to give her up. Ti and again, I sacrificed all my dignity to plead with her, to have her stay by my side, yet in the end, she resolutely left . I don’t know what drove to that point, I don’t know how deeply I loved her to let go of my pride.
Dad, during that ti, I could disregard everything just to stay beside her. I was willing to forsake all that I cherished most in the world, I was willing to abandon my principles, just to be with her. For her, I could even disregard my own life. During that ti, I learned to run red lights, turned to alcohol to drown my sorrows, and found myself in the hospital over and over again. I didn’t know how to express my love for her; perhaps the way I chose was wrong. Whenever we argued, I thought of doing sothing to provoke her, but I never realized that my actions were only pushing her further away. I truly regret it, if only I could have another chance, I wish I could go back to that ti, then I would definitely hold onto her hand tightly, so that she would never have a way to leave for the rest of her life.
You always thought I was stupid, grinning foolishly whenever I was with my first boyfriend. But it wasn’t intrinsic to ; I just loved him. Not knowing how else to express my love, I could only smile at her ti and ti again, but he felt that I was soone with deep sches and heavy calculation. Yet who could know the despair in my heart when the person I truly loved inexplicably left , causing to live a life filled with regrets. Ti and again, I’ve been tortured by my guilt, woken from nightmares in the dead of night. Who could possibly understand how exhausted my heart is, the pain I live with? No one can feel my anguish!
I know, saying these things is unfair to my husband, but I have to speak out. If I don’t speak now, maybe I’ll never have the chance to make all this clear again. Everyone is equal – heaven graced with the love of others but I have irreversibly lost the one I loved most. If that’s the case, why should I care about the years heaven has given , about the jokes it has played on ti and ti again? What am I to it? I don’t want these recurring jokes; I just wanted to be by his side in peace. But why does heaven treat this way over and over again? Is it because I’m persistently going against its will?
You always say that ti could be turned back, and if it could, you would return to a certain mont to do certain things. Don’t I wish ti could turn back as well? If I could be with him when ti reverted, I would rather never step into your son’s life. I didn’t want this, but I was left with no choice. I couldn’t bring myself to discard my pride again and again. What did I get in return? Ever since then, I have held myself above others, no matter what anyone said, I would never bow my head. Even if I did sothing wrong, I would never admit it. I’d rather be criticized and scolded by anyone than be disrespected by them. I prefer everyone to hate than to love anyone as desperately as I did before because I can’t love anymore – my heart has been wounded. Since my first boyfriend left, my heart has lost all its luster. For him, I don’t know how many days and nights I have waited in the cold wind, always looking out in the hope that he would co out to see one last ti. Yet, why do I ti and again end up with heart-wrenching outcos?"
Old Master Zhang fell silent, not knowing what to say. So this was all cause and effect, a cycle of karma. He realized that he hadn’t attained anything significant in this lifeti, and now he was old. So things were beyond change.
"Child, I know that so things are beyond change; the roads everyone has walked will eventually beco the past, and no one will change because of the roads they once took. No one can feel regret, and then start afresh. The roads everyone once chose are without exceptions, no one, not a single person, has lived a smooth life. Who hasn’t spent their life in tears and regret after choosing their path in life? You feel guilty, I know, I have the sa experience as you, and my heart also suffers in the sa way. Yet I’ve never given up on life because I know only if I live happily, perhaps he can truly let go of . But I never considered that ti and again, facing the future, smiling at the world each ti would end up with the world rejecting , treating like a clown, never caring about my feelings. Ti and again, I have longed for heaven to give another chance, and I would make different choices that impress others. But life is so tiring, so very tiring, why should I make my heart so burdened? All I wanted was a happy life, yet why does heaven play these painful jokes on , again and again, leaving in such agony? In the end, what have I gained? Others have never felt what kind of pain lies in my heart!
In truth, everyone hopes ti could turn back because the things ti has missed will forever be the happiest and most joyful in one’s heart. No one has thought about how long the life they long for will be away from them, the life that’s originally most peaceful and simple!"
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