Zhang Ni only now starts to recall the way he spoke to his father back then. It was practically like addressing an enemy, as though he wanted to devour his father whole. But thinking about it now, was his attitude really right at the ti? No matter what, he is still his father, yet the words he spoke were piercing and hurt him deeply.
Perhaps when he made his decisions, he never truly thought them through, but instead acted out of impulsiveness, thrusting all the pain and harm onto his own agony.
If only he could live happily and joyfully—how wonderful would that be? If only he hadn’t, ti and again, placed all the burdens and pain upon himself—how blissful the past few days could have been. Everything he ever wanted was so simple, yet each ti, all he brought to himself was harm.
"Dad, maybe my tone was far too harsh when I spoke to you back then. But at the ti, I saw my mother lying in a pool of blood—I was scared. I didn’t want her to face even the slightest mishap. You know how much I’ve yearned all these years for my mother’s safety, how much I’ve wished for grandparents to return to my side. That sense of urgency—you can understand it. Because you and I share the sa sentints. Just like you’ve said, I shouldn’t push all the bla and guilt onto you. I don’t have the right to ask you to shoulder all the pain for . But I’ve always been selfish. Every word I say—I never consider the consequences. I always assu that everything I do is right. I always assu that, no matter what I say, my parents can tolerate . But thinking about it now, I have no reason to impose all the pain on my father. You’re my father—I have no right to do that, no reason to do that."
"For the tone I used when speaking to you—I truly feel sorry. Maybe deep down in your heart, you feel I’m no longer a good son. But people change, and I hope you’ll take a mont to reflect. In recent tis, have you truly considered my mother’s feelings? Even just a little? Every choice you make, you focus solely on achieving your own goals and aims, but you forget that your loved ones also need your companionship, your care, your protection."
If the words I said to you yesterday caused you harm and discomfort deep in your heart,
You can hit or scold , but I beg you—don’t retaliate against my mother. She cannot bear such a blow. Look at the state she’s in now—I’m genuinely terrified that disaster might strike her. I couldn’t handle any more risks. I only ask that you take ti to reflect on your actions. What have they brought to our family? Are your decisions right? Are they wrong? Have you still not figured it out by now?"
"Son, I know that every word you say, every action you take, is for the good of everyone in the family. But the way you go about it is far too extre, leaving no one able to accept the consequences it brings. You always think about your own matters, but you forget that everyone has their own responsibilities and duties—everyone has things they’re supposed to do. If I chose to stay by your mother’s side forever, doing nothing, simply trailing behind her all day, would this family have any inco? Would we be able to continue living this life of comfort and luxury? Why don’t you ever consider what your actions bring to your family—the struggles, the tornt? You always assu your ideals are correct, as though only you have dreams and no one else does.
As a father, even at my age, I still have dreams. I hope for my family to be happy and joyful, but everything I do ultimately falls short. Do you understand the purpose behind what I do? All I ever do is transform my own pain and suffering into another form, spreading it to everyone around . All I hope for is that every mber of this family can live a peaceful, happy life, yet in return, all I face is doubt and suspicion, ti and again!
If you genuinely wanted to do good for soone but found nothing but mistrust in return, how do you think you’d feel deep down? I believe you wouldn’t be able to accept such an outco either. So why would you place all these accusations and burdens on , as your father? I have my responsibilities—I brought you into this world and raised you, and now you have your own life to live, your own matters to attend to, which I cannot interfere with. But she is my wife, and our ho still has grandparents and parents who need support—is my job not necessary?
Sotis what your eyes see is not always the full truth, and what your ears hear is not necessarily the whole story. You need to try to look at things from another perspective. Reflect on whether your actions were wrong. Don’t always assu your behavior is correct. Do you truly believe every choice you make is right?"
"I don’t want to argue with you anymore—I only want you to know that right now, my mother is in this state. She cannot possibly have no one by her side. If that were the case, she would feel isolated and vulnerable. She might easily have a tendency to take her own life. If she does commit suicide next ti, and no one is there to intervene, she might truly die. At that mont, how would we regret it? No one can guarantee such a tragedy won’t happen again. All we need is one person to stay by her side, guarding her peacefully. Is that really so difficult?
I know you’re busy, that you have things to attend to. If you truly don’t want to stay here to look after my mother, I can stay. I’ll stay here day and night, never sleeping, never eating, until she recovers and regains her health. I’m afraid—I’m afraid of losing her. I can’t bear the risk of losing any family mber. Don’t think I’m strong deep inside—my heart is weak. I’m scared. I’m scared of losing anyone in this world, even soone seemingly unimportant, even soone who’s only spoken a single word to . Every loss weighs on my heart, leaving it heavy for a long, long ti!"
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