"Dad, I never thought I’d live my life this way, and I never thought I’d hurt you like this. Doing sothing like this has caused the greatest pain in my heart. All I ever wanted was to give you the best of over and over again, but I haven’t been able to do it. I don’t understand when I beca who I am now. I pushed myself, step by step, into a dead end, only to realize in the end that everything I’ve done was a mistake."
"You’re absolutely right. No one has wronged , and no one has betrayed . The one who betrayed us wasn’t you—it was . I’m the one who inflicted the heaviest harm on you over and over again. I forgot that you gave the warst family, that you taught what family love is, what romantic love is. Step by step, I’ve gotten to where I am now, and I can no longer tell which version of myself is real. I’ve lost my true heart. My original intentions have changed. I’ve beco numb, indifferent, and apathetic!"
"Maybe I really should try to learn what a man should and shouldn’t do. But over these past years, I’ve never felt ashad of my choices. The only ones I feel guilty toward are you. The pain I’ve inflicted on you—do you know? Those things I’ve done, deep inside, are actually my most painful mories. I’ve forced myself into desperation again and again because I’m scared. I fear eting you, I fear the pressure I’ve placed on myself again and again through all these situations. Yet I’ve never cared about how you feel. I ignored your feelings, and that’s the biggest mistake of my life!"
"As a father, deep down you should resent . Because as your son, I’ve never given you any concern or help. On the contrary, I’ve brought you so much heartbreak and pain. Ti and again, I’ve forced my burdens onto you. Over and over, I’ve discarded things I didn’t want and left them to you to deal with. Deep inside, my worldview is nonexistent. I’ve never thought about what I can or can’t do."
"Sotis all I want is to live a simple, steady life, but why is that so hard? Whom have I wronged?"
"Is it my fault? Do I deserve all the pain and suffering I endure? Is it fair that the betrayal and abandonnt I’ve inflicted on you ti and again are all blad on ? Have all my actions been so unforgivable? In your eyes, what do I count for? No matter how much I sacrifice, it seems like it’s all for nothing in your hearts. I don’t even feel like a part of this family anymore. Ti and again, I’ve pulled myself back from the depths of despair, just hoping to live with a little happiness, but what do I get in return? Nothing but despair, over and over again!"
"I don’t even know how many more days and nights I can endure like this. I don’t even rember how many such days and nights have already passed. Under the weight of ntal tornt, I’ve forced myself to keep living. I’ve fought desperately to carry on because I’m terrified. Terrified that if I let myself relax for even a mont, I’ll completely break down. I don’t dare let up even a little, holding myself tightly wound like a wooden puppet, with no emotions toward anything. Just this pale, expressionless face."
"When everyone thinks I’m nothing but a wooden puppet, when people believe I don’t even deserve to be called a man, I never abandoned my dreams. Because deep inside, I know that even if I can give up everything else, there are certain things I cannot let go of. I want to turn everything I have into the finest, most extraordinary things in the world. I want all the people who look down on —including my own son—to bow to over and over again. But I can’t do it. I lack the skill of my son. I can’t match his energy. There’s simply no way for to catch up. I don’t know how he does it, but I know he must have struggled trendously behind the scenes, endured countless hardships, been tortured by others ti and again. I can’t truly grasp how much all of that must hurt."
"You are my father. Over and over, I’ve longed for you to give your warst love. Over and over, I’ve yearned for you to help feel like I belong in this warm family of ours. Even if, in the end, the only outco is that I leave battered and bruised, alone and licking my wounds in so dark corner, I wouldn’t easily give up. But in the end, I’ve realized that no matter what I do, I can never reach the best possible outco. Over and over, I’ve burdened others with my most painful mories. I always project my own pain onto others. I never stopped to consider whether my actions were hurting them. All I ever thought was that I was taking revenge—for myself, for the world, for everyone who has ever wronged or wished harm upon !"
Zhang Yichen suddenly realized just how terrifying his father had beco. This wasn’t at all like the father he once knew—the man who had always been so timid. But why had his father suddenly spoken such words? Words that filled Yichen with an empty sense of dread as his son, words he couldn’t begin to comprehend.
He couldn’t understand how much pressure he had placed on his father, pressure that had turned him into soone like this in an instant. Had everything Yichen ever done truly been right? Ti and again, he had insisted that his father’s actions were overly harsh, that his father’s behavior had hurt everyone around him deeply. But now, reflecting on the things he himself had done and said to his father—hadn’t those also hurt his father just as deeply? Perhaps people should really try to live with empathy, considering others’ pain instead of constantly projecting their own onto others. Because the only thing that results from such behavior is the outco we least want. That outco might seem ordinary, even reasonable, in the eyes of others. But to ourselves, it’s the most excruciating pain imaginable."
"I think none of us should say anything else anymore. Let’s each go and live the lives we truly want. Let’s stop forcing ourselves to endure this suffering. If everyone could just live happily, that would already be enough. Why must we wear ourselves out like this? Why must we drag each other down because of the smallest instances of unhappiness?"
"You are all my family. Please don’t hurt each other anymore. Because in the end, the ones who’ll bear the greatest pain and disgrace will still be us—again and again, it’s always been us, one family!"
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